I’ve always felt bad for sharing what’s on my mind. Maybe this sort of feeling stems from my childhood, back when children were to be “seen and not heard.” I wasn’t allowed to voice my opinions about anything or express my emotions without being told I was, “talking back.”
I was a very shy and quiet child, but as the years went by, I grew completely tired of having to stay quiet. My mother was happy with me, as long as I did what I was told and didn’t interrupt. By the time high school rolled around, I had had enough of being silent, and I began rebelling against my mother.
I think I threw her into a tizzy the day I finally left home. My mother had kept me in a submissive rut for too many years. She stifled my ability to have friends and had controlled my entire life. I couldn’t take it any longer and after she dared me to leave, I was all too eager to accept the invitation.
After the last yelling match we ever had, I ran to my room in a huff, packed a bag, and left before she even had a chance to know what I was up to. I never looked back and I’ve never once regretted my decision. It felt so good to finally be free. Yes, I was only 18 years old at the time and I hadn’t even finished high school yet, but I was determined to make it on my own and I did.
Still to this day, I find it easy to let go of people in my life who try to drag me down; especially those who try to control me. And I feel so awful for the people around me, who let others get away with controlling them. I also have no room for people who really don’t want to be a part of my everyday life and those who would rather keep me at arm’s length. I lived that sort of life for far too long and life is too short to live like that again.
I suppose that’s why in the last year, I’ve turned to writing poetry. I can say what I want, without anybody really knowing what I am actually writing about. I can be serious, funny, or completely imaginative. That’s the wonderful thing about writing, I can tell any story I want, true or not, and I don’t have to answer to anybody for it. This is what I love most about blogging and this is why I continue to write.
WordPress has become sort of a home away from home for me. It allows me to share my daily burdens and pain, along with my hopes and dreams for the future. It’s the only place I can really share my heart completely and not be told to keep silent. There’s freedom in being able to share one’s deepest thoughts and desires and there’s happiness in being able to express one’s ideas and viewpoints without criticism. So thank you to all of you for being such good listeners and for offering your love and support along the way. It’s meant the world to me. ~M