If we were having coffee, I’d tell you how very sad I’ve been feeling over the past couple of weeks. It’s been a very tough month for me, and I’m living with so many unanswered questions.
Near the beginning of the month, I lost my closest friend. I haven’t dealt with it very well, but I’m trying my best to let go. For whatever reason, my friend decided to move on without telling me they were leaving.
I think the hardest part for me, is not knowing why; and I know I never will. The reason I know I never will, is because I dreamt of them leaving. It was a fairly recent dream, one I dreamt a few weeks before they disappeared. I didn’t understand the meaning then, but of course I do now. I cannot even fathom why they left, especially without saying goodbye; other than maybe they just had no other choice.
I admit at first, I was angry and hurt, and I vowed to myself that I would never trust another person again. And yes my guard is still up, but I did allow myself to visit with a woman who lives nearby, and it did help to speak with her. I poured my heart out to her and she listened. She eventually told me it was probably for the better; and even though I hesitate to agree with her, in the back of my mind, I know she’s probably right.
So as hard as it is to live with this sense of loss and pain in my heart, I know I will eventually be okay. Every day that passes, is another day to find other things to be happy about; and to try and find contentment, even in the monotony of everyday life.
I have never been a quitter, and so I will not give up trying to find a positive light, even in this. The Lord knows my path better than me, and so I have to ultimately give all of this to him, and let him show me where I should go from here.
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