#weekendcoffeeshare – Loss of a friend

~ ~M

coffee-1117933_960_720

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you how very sad I’ve been feeling over the past couple of weeks.  It’s been a very tough month for me, and I’m living with so many unanswered questions.

Near the beginning of the month, I lost my closest friend.  I haven’t dealt with it very well, but I’m trying my best to let go.  For whatever reason, my friend decided to move on without telling me they were leaving.

I think the hardest part for me, is not knowing why; and I know I never will.  The reason I know I never will, is because I dreamt of them leaving.  It was a fairly recent dream, one I dreamt a few weeks before they disappeared.  I didn’t understand the meaning then, but of course I do now.  I cannot even fathom why they left, especially without saying goodbye; other than maybe they just had no other choice.

I admit at first, I was angry and hurt, and I vowed to myself that I would never trust another person again.  And yes my guard is still up, but I did allow myself to visit with a woman who lives nearby, and it did help to speak with her. I poured my heart out to her and she listened.  She eventually told me it was probably for the better; and even though I hesitate to agree with her, in the back of my mind, I know she’s probably right.

So as hard as it is to live with this sense of loss and pain in my heart, I know I will eventually be okay.  Every day that passes, is another day to find other things to be happy about; and to try and find contentment, even in the monotony of everyday life.

I have never been a quitter, and so I will not give up trying to find a positive light, even in this.  The Lord knows my path better than me, and so I have to ultimately give all of this to him, and let him show me where I should go from here.

Find other weekend coffee share posters here.

Photo credit: pixabay.com

Published by ~M

“When the weight of the world is upon you and you're left spinning out of control. When you’ve been plunged head first into darkness, and you don’t know where to go. Simply follow that tiny flicker of light, far off in the distance somewhere. It’ll lead you to a place where love abounds and where hope is found everywhere.” ~M

50 thoughts on “#weekendcoffeeshare – Loss of a friend”

  1. Pingback: #WeekendCoffeeShare – Life goes on… | Putting My Feet in the Dirt

  3. I am so very sorry this has happened to you. I wish I could help. Recently, the same thing has happened to me. I lost my best friend of 35 years. I don’t really know why except that he became radicalized by the politics in the U.S. I was not of his political persuasion and he felt as if I were suddenly the enemy. It has been really hard so I can empathize with you. Again, I am so sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Oh Rosemary I’m so sorry to hear that you are suffering as well. It’s so very hard, and for me the worst part is not knowing how he’s doing or if he’s ok. And so I find myself doing the only other thing that I can, and that is praying for him and that God will keep him safe in the palm of his hand. I miss him dearly, but I know God is surely taking care of him, and that’s all I can hope for. Blessings Rosemary, so good to find you today! 😉

      Like

      Reply

  5. I feel your pain. I had a best friend back out of my life and I never knew why. I tried to reconnect with her and figured, after this first visit, then we will get together and figure out what happened. It never did. And then she died. My questions unanswered. It serves no purpose to hold on and there is a lot of grief. I hope you can move forward.
    But, do not let it stop you from building other friendships! You never know who is out there! Another true soulmate (not just for lovers) could be out there!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Oh Dale, this really made me smile. Such great insight and hopefulness. I am so sorry though, that this happened to you as well. I have never had many friends in my life, and never a close one like this; so it does leave me feeling hesitant to look for another. That’s the thing though, I wasn’t even looking for a friend when this person happened along. And then of course the next thing I knew, we were great friends. I look back now though and wonder if they were really as connected to me as I was to them.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Same here. We met at the lockers in our college. You know that old saying some friends are for a minute, sorry for a week, some for years, etc.? Well, when we think about it that way, we can better categorise things and diminish the pain. Well we can try…

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

        1. Maybe that’s the problem… I’ve never heard that saying! Lol…. I always thought they were supposed to be around forever. 😉 I suppose that isn’t really how it works in this world. Time for me to grow up. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply

  7. I’m so sorry you’re going through this difficult time. I was drawn to your post because the exact same thing happened to me many years ago. A woman, D., who was my closest friend, one day stopped taking my phone calls (this was WAY before the advent of email, cell phones, texting, and Facebook). Her daughter would answer the phone, go tell her mother I was calling, then come back and say her mom couldn’t come to the phone, then add “I’m sorry” in a whisper. I never knew why this happened. At the time there wasn’t even anything I could imagine might have caused the break. And yes, I still think about it after all these years (about 25). Not knowing why is the hard part, since you can’t take steps to avoid doing the same thing–whatever it was–again. The only consolation is knowing that my conscience is clear and that I’ve made other friends since then. We can’t control other people’s behavior. I hope time will help you heal.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Oh I’m so sorry this happened to you Mary. I am hesitant to ever have a close friend again because of it. Plus this was the closest I’ve ever felt to anyone in my entire life. The connection we had was deeply profound and I think that is why I’m struggling so much to let go. I know I will never forget them and as much as I want to be mad at them for leaving like this, I only feel sorry for them. I know there must have been something major that happened for them to just disappear like this. So my heart goes out to them wherever they are, so hopeful that life will bring them happiness instead of pain.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. Oh so sorry to hear that… seems like a regular occurrence these days. The more I mention it, the more others are confiding in me that the same thing has happened to them. I just don’t understand…
      Take care Kay, and have a very blessed week. 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  9. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I too lost someone years ago and the Why? will be with me the rest of my life. However, I have had signs and also a dream that leads me to believe he is okay. I trust in God that we all go back to him someday, regardless of how. Hang in there.. ((HUGS))

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks Kathleen, so sorry about the loss of your friend too. I just have to stop thinking about them and move forward. It’s obvious that they wanted me to forget them, or they would have said something. So out of respect for them and whatever their reasons are, I need to let them go.

      Like

      Reply

  10. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, but I hope it’s been cathartic sharing how you feel here and I hope you find some kind of solace among friends. I am thinking that your friend took their life and that’s a particularly hard loss to understand, process and accept. Take care and I pray that in time you will find peace with your feelings and your friend and start to heal.
    xx Rowena

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you Rowena, I have no idea what happened, or where they have gone. I hadn’t really considered the fact that they could be gone from this world. My heart breaks even more at the very idea. 🙁

      Like

      Reply

  14. I am so sorry to hear about your loss, especially when it is sudden and without some sort of closure. Someone once told me that some friendships serve their purpose and then, for whatever reason, they end. Hopefully it is because it served its time and purpose and maybe your friend needs to discover something, for themself, that is missing, and you needed this time to focus on other things for yourself. I hope a new friend fills that void for you and brings you something special that you are in need of more. We just never know what tomorrow will bring but, for you, I think you will be rewarded because you put positive energy out into the lives of so many! ~Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you for your wise words Anne…. I believe all of this to be true. I am not wishing for a new friend though. Just forever grateful to have the friendship I had. I believe it was a once in a lifetime kind of friendship. There’s no replacing a friend like that. 💜

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. Thank you Angela, yes that is the hardest part. Maybe it was me, I guess I’ll never know. I try to be a good friend, I’ve tried my whole life, but I just don’t seem to have what it takes. I was isolated growing up, maybe this affected my social skills. I don’t really know. All I really know is that I can’t be anything other than I am. If I knew what I was doing wrong, I would try to change that, but I honestly haven’t got a clue. 😔

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  18. The Lord knows the desires of our hearts, he will not forsake us but when we trust in him as you have, he will fill you with joy and gladness. So sorry about all that happened💝

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a reply to Beaton Cancel reply