At the heart of sadness

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Three years of my life I’ve dedicated to writing

And yet now I don’t know how or if I can continue on this journey

My heart just isn’t in it the way it once was

I feel stuck in a life that is perfect in every way

And yet it’s also so broken and ugly that I cannot see past it

I try to disregard the guilt which I so often feel

Originally brought on by the shame of another

But time and time again I still feel it as if it were my own

And now I live with my own transgressions

Screaming at the top of my lungs in silence

Simply responding to the heart wrenching pain

Which has accumulated in my broken heart

Pieces of me have fallen so far away

That I now feel lost and mostly without purpose

Heartbreak and grief have caused an unbearable sadness in me

And somedays I just don’t know how I can move past the hurt

There are days when I am strong and days when I think I can get there

Back to that old familiar place where life was happy and simple

And then there are days like today when sorrow catches up to me

Swooping me up in a whirlwind of emotions

Then leaving me to stumble aimlessly in the dark

I feel lost as I walk through a fog of despair and uncertainty

And its times like these when I wonder if I can continue on

And I question just how much more my heart can endure

 

Written by, Michelle Cook


Photo credit: pixabay.com

24 responses to “At the heart of sadness

  1. Oh, Michelle. Your fatigue, heartbreak, and despair come out so clearly in this. Sending you love and light and a wish for peace, healing, acceptance, and newfound happiness. ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you D, but this is real life…. Hard to rid ourselves of the ugliness of the past sometimes. It sort of creeps up on me from time to time and seeps in through the cracks. This is my way of filling the gaps. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Michelle,
    It’s only by the Grace of God that we can continue. I emailed you with heart stabbing hurt/pain at the revelation of my son’s mother in-law being moved to where they are. After crying out to God that night, ultimately all in His hands, as thin as my patience is beginning to run, ultimately I know there isn’t anything I can do but continue to wait on Him (I am getting tired of waiting too).
    I realize that hanging out in that aching pain/sadness and if I had hung onto the words that the enemy meant for me to dwell on, “your not a good enough mom or grandma, I would have sunk back into that deep dark place of DEEP depression and wanting to commit suicide.
    Please don’t allow the pain, hurt, sadness, to overtake you. I fully know how hard that is but you have to fight. God is your strength, don’t try doing it alone.
    I love you
    Kristie

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I know…. and I’m fine. Really…. thank you for your concern. I love you too. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow wow wow so sad. Beautiful, but sad.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you D. This is one of those that’s been sitting in the pit of my stomach for a very long time. It was time to tear it out…. lol. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Indeed. Been going through that myself.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Have you? I hope you’ve been writing it out. Need to get over to your blog. Headed there now.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I see that…. 🙁

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This is a really tricky post to comment on. It’s so well written, yet so sad to read. I want to read more, yet I am heartbroken that you are writing this in the first place. I do hope you are doing alright. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Thank you….. I think today was just one of those days when everything came bubbling to the surface. I’m ok, but have been holding on to too much for too long. I haven’t been able to write anything for awhile now and every time I would try, these are the kind of words that would come. So today, I finally had to do myself a favor and just get it out. Hope you are doing ok. I haven’t been reading too many blogs lately. Just been sort of disconnecting from everything and everyone.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Forgive yourself for what you did to others, He has, Forgive others what they did to you, He has, and thank him for his blessing of forgiveness. You will blossom and grow. I was there many years ago Here is a poem I was moved to write and share with others.

    The Blessing Of Forgiveness

    You placed your love
    within my aching heart
    yes by your spirits hands
    I felt your soft caress

    Undeserving as I was
    You saw something good
    alive deep within me…

    You saw a spark and you
    ignited the flames

    You increased my faith as
    I felt the quickening of
    Your spirit while my
    happiness began to shine…

    pushed forth by the many
    tears falling from my eyes

    I never thought myself
    deserving of having
    anyone share their love
    with me, for I thought
    I was a worthless and
    sinful soul

    Yet your Invisible hand
    embraced me lifting me
    from the darkness which
    colored my world daily

    And through the darkness
    a shimmering light shared
    Its radiance bringing a
    heavenly light to shine,
    chasing the dark out of
    my soul

    I felt the scars of sin as
    they dropped from wtihin my
    body as the healing blessing
    began and your spirits breath
    gave life to one who once was
    spiritually dead but now made
    alive

    And in my heart I began to
    ponder this thought, who
    would ever turn away from
    One whose heart is ever
    forgiving, and ever sharing
    of genuine true blessings

    Who could turn away from
    such a vibrant soothing
    touch of love, and its ever
    filling melodies of joy

    Who would once they received
    this ransom for a debt of sin
    which they could never repay,
    once they felt the energy of
    His life light would ever seek
    to leave His presence

    And I knew at that moment
    the prayer which I prayed
    this day was answered,and
    that I could never in my
    life live without You, Lord!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    A poem I wrote in November 1976 When the
    Lord answered a prayer for change in my
    life when I was running from the Lord when he
    sought to embrace me, perfecting a lasting change.
    I Asked for a genuine blessing to come into
    My life… and He answered my prayer. I share
    it because He can answer the prayers of many
    who are in need of His blessing, if only they
    believe and ask Him to come into their lives!

    Have a wonderful Sunday Michelle. You are gifted and he wants you to continue sharing, and I want you to keep sharing. You have a genuine and selfless heart, your words will heal many! Love you my sister, God bless!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. This is true Spirit filled love you have shown to me and I am deeply touched by your words. There is healing power in this message and I know it will bless others just as it has me. Thank you Wendell, your words are a comfort to me and bring hope and light to a dark world. May your life be blessed by all you do for others. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Blessings and hugs to you…I understand….xox

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Thank you Ashtara ❤️

    Like

  16. Ok, my dear, I am concerned about you and I keep praying for you

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I know exactly how you feel. I’m sorry. 😦 I’m glad you were able to get some of it out, and I hope it helped somewhat. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Thank you Kristie. I’ll be ok…

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I’m sorry you know the feeling. Life is so very hard sometimes and the things we go through, stay with us for years and years. This is what’s happening to me. The past is still trying to torture me.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I live with that every day. The past is like a cloak I wear around my shoulders. Some days it is heavy, and it wraps itself around me. Other days it simply follows me around without me really realizing it is there. Time has helped to make things better, but my past will always be a part of me. Sending you hugs. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I love the way you described this. A very poetic description…. and so familiar. Sending you hugs too. Happy Mother’s Day! 💐

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Happy Mother’s Day to you, too! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Thanks! 🌷

    Liked by 1 person