#weekendcoffeeshare – Do you ever just feel like giving up?

~ ~M

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Good morning fellow bloggers!  How have all of you been lately?  I’m so glad you decided to visit me today.  I’ve got plenty of hot tea and coffee, or iced tea if you prefer that instead.  So pick what you like best and let’s sit down and have a heart to heart talk.  Okay, I’m not gonna lie.  This conversation is not going to be all hearts and flowers.  But I’m keeping it real today.

So here it is, I’m just gonna lay it all out here and let my heart sort of bleed onto this boring white page.  I’ve been struggling worse than I think I ever have before.  I can’t seem to escape these depressive thoughts anymore.  I’m doing everything in my power to try and do something about it.  Since writing is what I’m most passionate about, I’ve been trying to focus on creating more humorous posts.  I’m also getting outside more and doing things that I normally love to do.  But for some reason, I just can’t seem to lose this sinking feeling within myself.  I’m not really sure what to do about any of it.  I’m definitely feeling the pull to break away from everything and everyone around me.  I’ve been doing the fake smile thing lately.  Hopeful that nobody notices how I’m really feeling.  Of course then there’s always that one person who ruins it for me and asks me how I’m doing.  Then the tears start to well up and I can’t even answer back.  And of course they have no idea why their question has set me off and I end up feeling like an idiot for not being able to respond to their question properly.

I’m also at a crossroad in my life right now and I’m making a huge effort to try and work on my relationship with my hubby.  He’s about to leave again since he’s in the military and I’m not sure when I will have a chance to see him again.  I very much love him, but I feel our relationship is still very fragile, and because he’s leaving, I wonder if it’s going to hinder the progress that we’ve made.  Fear is sort of taking hold of me at the moment because we are facing so many unknowns.  Anyway, he and I have talked in depth about all of this and I think we are both just sort of holding our breath, hopeful for a happy ending.  These last couple of years have taken their toll on both of us and perhaps being apart will be the best thing for us.  Being away from each other has often helped us in the past.  It seems to give us the time we need to sort out our feelings.

Another thing I’m struggling with is the fact that I don’t really know anybody where I live, and so with my hubby leaving, I’m beginning to feel like I’m about to be stranded.  We’ve always moved around so much that I’ve never really been able to establish any close friends where I live.   And because we’re always moving, I also tend to shy away from making friends in the first place.  It seems easier not to have any friends than to always be saying goodbye to them.  Since I really don’t have any close ties to Wisconsin, I’m thinking I will welcome another move in the coming future.  I’ve always loved the feel of a fresh start in a new place.  I get bored easily when I stay in one place for too long and my love for travel leaves me ever wanting to get away.

Anyway, these are the main things I’m struggling with at the moment, and so if I tend to throw a sort of depressive post in the batch once in a while, please forgive me for doing so.  I’m just not always in the best frame of mind and sometimes there are days which just seem to get the better of me.  I hope all of you are doing well and staying in good health.  I want to thank all of you for being my long distance friends and for always showing me how much you care.  Blogging has been a great outlet for me, and since I do move around so much, I’m blessed that I can take all of you with me wherever I go.  😉

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Photo credit: pixabay.com and giphy.com

Published by ~M

“When the weight of the world is upon you and you're left spinning out of control. When you’ve been plunged head first into darkness, and you don’t know where to go. Simply follow that tiny flicker of light, far off in the distance somewhere. It’ll lead you to a place where love abounds and where hope is found everywhere.” ~M

53 thoughts on “#weekendcoffeeshare – Do you ever just feel like giving up?”

  1. I haven’t been on WordPress for several weeks, but I have thought of you from time to time, and have wondered how you were doing. It can be so hard when you don’t have friends nearby that you can reach out to and truly share the struggles you are facing. I hope that you are at least able to find comfort and support from your friends online (myself included!). You are such a lovely, warm and thoughtful person, and you deserve to be loved and appreciated for all that you have to offer. Sending hug. xoxo ❤

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    1. Aww… your comment means so much to me. I feel truly blessed to have you as my friend here on WordPress. I can relate to you in so many ways and I feel like you and I have so much in common. I hope your time away was relaxing. I’ve been missing you… Much love to you my dear friend. ❤️ xoxo

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  2. Awww so good and bad to read what you have wrote.

    Bad in the sense, that you are suffering. Good in the sense you took the courage to spoke about it.

    Since you are open to talk about, I will be open as well as to how I fought my depression to the point that I want to do suicide.

    I observe that I was far from my Creator / God. I started to get more closer to Him, the more I get closer the more my depression got out. I started to make Him my friend rather anyone else.

    2nd thing I did, I put all my issues on a piece of paper, If I have use abusive language I did with whomever I wanted to say but couldn’t.

    And than throw away that paper for good. It was a serious miracle

    3rd thing me and wife observe, whenever our physical interaction is low than normal we getting pissed off more and more.

    These are my personal experiences, I hope, pray and wish it help you in anyway possible!

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    1. Thank you so much for being so open and honest with me. It’s hard to know that you’ve suffered like this, but I’m truly encouraged by your words. Personal experiences can often be very helpful and I can see a lot of wisdom in what you’ve shared with me. Hope you’re having a great week! 😉

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  4. I’m very sorry to read of your pain. This post really resonated with me. Not for the specifics but because I feel I wear a fake smile more often than not. My husband is a way for work a lot and I often retreat into my shell, cutting off communication with the outside world. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be apart from your husband in that way though. I’ve recently found that little things help me to “live” outside of him – writing, yoga, dance. These are the things that gradually build up my spirits and I just know that your passion for (beautiful) writing will help carry you through. Thank you so much for sharing. You inspire me xx💖

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    1. Aww…. this was so lovely to come back from vacation and read your thoughtful note. I’m so sorry to hear that you have experienced something similar. Life is so very hard…. I agree that the little things really do help. Hope you’re having an amazing week! xo

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  5. I’ve felt like giving up quite a few times during my life’s journey of so many downs, blanketing the ups, but somehow my long narrow tunnel still has a candle shining for me to catch….. A bit of persistence, and I’ll hurdle the “Fences” in front of me, and land on that patch of green grass.

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  6. You are so brave to share what so many of us are feeling. Trapped in circumstances/illness/unknown fears and finding it so hard to see the light shining through the open door. I totally understand what you are saying. All of it. Please feel free to contact me through the details on my blog if you’d like a new friend. I’m ‘here’ for you. Hugs x

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  7. M, I know you home school, but do you do so as a part of a home school organization? I never notice that you mention a group of local people like that, a church, or any kind of sports groups. We bloggers love you and you get help from your writing but you need someone to be “Jesus with skin on” for you. You do address that lack of relationship in this post. The person above who addressed the issue above (robbiesinspiration) made a good suggestion about the library. Home schooling provides a wonderful opportunity to visit libraries and museums, learn the histories of local buildings, research old newspapers, visit rest homes to find tidbits of interest, take the girls to city counsel meetings. Teens do not normally go for this kind of thing, but you rule the roost when it comes to school agenda. The home schooled students I meet have a wide range of interests that I do not find among the public school students. For instance, the Toastmaster’s club to which I belong has a seventeen year old member who is amazingly active. Many of these kinds of activities will “force” you into interacting with others, even if they do not lead to long time relationships. You have great skill in writing but it does tend toward “inward” type personalities. Cutting back to give time to more active kinds of interaction might be wise. This is an awfully long way to say I care.

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    1. We are not part of a home schooling organization, and with the problems I have seen with many of them, I tend to be leery about joining one. My girls are active in church activities, but I tend to steer clear of getting involved. The politics of a church are just not for me. I actually used to be very active in my church and operated a free community clothes closet out of my home for my church and the community. But since we’ve moved, I have not felt the same connection to any churches in our current town. I’m just very much an introvert and so unless I’m doing things with my hubby, I usually prefer to stay at home. Which is why I loved being part of a ministry which operated out of my home. I got to meet with people one on one in a familiar setting. It really worked for me.

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  8. As a new reader of your blog, I find myself touched by your words this morning and wanting to reach out…I am an Army brat who moved every two years and remember the many goodbyes I said to my father over the years. My solace came from long walks, books and the best friends I collected along the way (I still write to one such friend from Grade 4 when we both lived in Germany!). I hope this note finds you feeling hopeful and ready for whatever might come your way…I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you all the best!

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    1. I was born an Army brat too. Of course my parents divorced when I was young and I ended up only seeing my father once during my growing up days. My solace comes from walks and books too. It’s amazing you’ve been able to stay in touch with your friend from 4th grade. Thank you for your very thoughtful comment. I’m just gonna keep on like I always do and hope for the best. 😉

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  9. It is very brave of you to share your feelings. I completely understand what depression feels like and what it can do to a person. I struggle daily myself. Just know you are not alone. And please don’t feel silly for crying. Releasing the tears can be very cathartic, as can writing. I am so glad for you that you’ve kept up with your writing. While I am not close enough to talk to you in person, I am always available on here. I just want to say again that you are not alone, despite feeling so. Depression likes to make us feel like we have no one. It’s especially difficult when we are isolated at home. Being a stay at home mom with very friends, I know this to be true. Hang in there, okay?

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    1. I’m sorry to hear that you struggle as well, it’s so hard… It’s just been in recent years that I’ve really been struggling with this, and so I’m not really sure what to do about it. But writing does help release a lot of the angst and it’s nice to be able to talk to others who are going through the same thing. Thank you for stopping by today and for leaving such a thoughtful comment. I don’t feel quite so alone in all of this because of all the lovely comments I’ve received today. I was feeling so vulnerable by writing this post in the first place, but I’m glad I didn’t hold back this time. I’m here if you ever need me too. Us mom’s at home have to stick together! 😉

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  10. Ah, Michelle, this post has really touched me. I have also moved around a great deal in my life and haven’t really developed deep friendships. I am a bit of a loner so it hasn’t really bothered me much but I do see that this lack of deep friendships is different from many other people. I often find that if you look outside of yourself you feel happier so maybe you could look to do something at a local library or with children so that you feel like you are contributing to something special and meaningful.

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    1. I’m so sorry to hear it’s been similar for you. I suppose many of us struggle, especially nowadays as the world is ever changing and deep connections are often lost. I’m glad you mentioned the library thing, because I actually have an opportunity coming up to be part of a literary journal for children at our local library. So who knows… perhaps I can immerse myself into that. It will also be good for my girls who are home schooled. So it’s a win-win situation! 😉

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  11. I can’t lay claims to knowing precisely how you feel, but I can imagine how you feel because I know those symptoms when I am struggling through my low moments and feel like cutting off everything and everyone so that I can wallow in it. You’ve chosen the right path, talking about it helps a great deal. No one expects all hearts and flowers because we are all human and going through diverse issues. Take care of yourself and blessed be. ((Hugs)) Jacqueline

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    1. Thank you Jacqueline. I don’t know how many times I’ve begun a post like this and then just deleted it. I finally just felt like I couldn’t hold it in any longer. And isn’t it so hard when we do that? When we hold it all in and just wallow in all of it and hope it will all just go away. Your kind and caring thoughts have comforted me. ((Hugs)) to you too! ❤️

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  12. Getting to know other parents through your kids activities is a great place to start. May I recommend a REALLY funny children’s book (and I am a good critic): Mother Bruce, by Ryan Higgins. Laugh out loud funny. Read it alone, or together. Best wishes to you, Michelle.

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  14. It’s wonderful to know you have the drive to write/connect when you are feeling the urge to isolate–given that you are being isolated in light of changes and leavings….relationships are the best and the hardest things, I find…that includes the relationship with oneself. I think many of us feel despondent more often than most people admit…but, it’s the acknowledgement of low mood that brings us closer together when we need it most. That’s what I love about blogging/writing…as with you, I find it a wonderful way to connect when you don’t want to physically spend time with others…when you don’t want to be seen and heard, but want to be seen and heard 🙂 I really admire your authenticity and openness…I am happy to know that sharing has made you feel any degree of better…you are precious, irreplaceable and wonderful…take care, my friend 🙂

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    1. I’m just glad I’m not standing in front of you right now, because your comment brought tears to my eyes and I again feel so silly for crying. 😋 But your words are so sweet and comforting to me. You always know exactly what to say when somebody is feeling down. I love that about you. I hope your weekend is off to a good start. Thank you so much for dropping by for a visit. You’re such a beautiful person Truly… And thank you for being such a wonderful you. 😉

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      1. And, I’m glad I’m not standing in front of you right now because I haven’t even mustered the drive to get dressed…I’m lying on the couch typing a post as a way to lift my spirits and entice others to connect with me…it’s all I can stand right now. You know what, my friend….the struggle to feel better is just the thing that paves the path of our true calling…I’m going to include that revelation in my post…stay the course…you are an inspiration and your pain has purpose. Thanks for letting me know that my words are meaningful….the same is true of you, my friend 🙂 ❤

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        1. Oh gosh… I haven’t gotten dressed yet either. But who cares right? It’s Saturday and we have every reason to be lazy and do what we want. 😉 Thanks for alerting me to your coming post. I’ll have to visit in a little bit. I don’t get email notifications anymore (as I was getting about a million a day!), so unless I catch someone’s post in the reader, I don’t often see it. Btw… I love that revelation. It’ll be a great thing to include in your post. 😉

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          1. I’m with you…email alerts are in no way helpful…they just make me avoid my emails all together…I have to figure out how to make them stop…too tired to bother with that today, I suspect…my post won’t be done for a couple hours…my mind is molasses at the moment (part of the laziness 🙂 ). And, please don’t ever feel obligated…in reality, as much as I love hearing from people, writing, in and of itself, is enough to make me feel like I’ve taken a forward step… 🙂 It holds me over/up until I feel social again 🙂

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            3. It really is… I’m not sure what the day holds, so I may or may not be able to get one in. I’ve got so much to do around here before hubby leaves, so it really just depends on what we do today.

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            4. Well, I’ve said a prayer that you will muster the energy to do what needs to be done, and that a peaceful and long sleep will follow. Your very best days are ahead of you…perhaps you’ll chalk today up to one of the days that’ll make you stronger in the long run (that’s my plan, anyway) 🙂 You’ve got this…

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  15. Hi. I can relate to everything that you’re saying. My husband and I live on different continents. I miss him hopelessly. I understand exactly what you’re going through. I don’t know when we will be able to be together. The fear of the unknown also makes me feel low. I do hope things work out for you, as I’m sure they will. Life has a way of working out in the end. In the meanwhile, I’m praying and trusting in God. Appreciated the honesty in your post. Thanks for sharing and making me feel like I’m not alone 🙂

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    1. Karen, thank you for sharing your situation with me. I agree that life always has a way of working things out, but it’s the waiting that is just so difficult. I suppose the greatest thing we can do, is to pray and trust God with every single aspect of our lives. Thanks for stopping by Karen and I hope you have a wonderful weekend. ❤️

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