For them…

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The sudden silence is what gets to me most, every time he leaves.  Then my chest starts to tighten, and the tears begin to well up, and at that point, I know I’m done for.  There’s no holding back the flood of emotions no matter how hard I try.  I bury my face in my hands, trying so hard to hide the pain that’s gushing out through every inch of my being.

I can’t let anyone know how much this hurts, how lost I am, how much I don’t even want to do life anymore because I’m always feeling so alone.  Five minutes have passed, and I’m wiping the evidence away.  Putting on my brave soldier face once more, shrugging my shoulders and getting a grip just the way I’ve been taught.  I cannot cry, I can’t let anyone know that I’m weak, and I can’t ever confess to anyone that sometimes I’d rather be six feet under than endure another day alone.

There are little people counting on me, babies that need protecting, loved, and cared for.  And this is why I bury all of it, deep inside where nobody can see. If anyone ever found out what I was really thinking, what would they do?  What would they say?  So I fight through it, the let downs, the misery, the feelings of loneliness and despair.  And I put on a happy face because that makes everyone else feel better when I do that.  They need me to be happy, and I can’t let them down.  I’ve got to hold it together, for them…

 

15 thoughts on “For them…

    1. I know it must be terribly difficult being away from your family so often. I was in the military as well, and my husband still is. I didn’t stay in because I was worried we would both get deployed at the same time and have to leave our girls behind. I realize this is the kind of life I signed up for, but it still never makes it any easier. Some days I wonder if we have spent more time apart than we’ve ever spent together. Thank you for the hugs… not sure I’d make it through my days as well as I do, without the love and support of my blogging friends. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My wife is the foundation for this family. I can’t even imagine life if she was subject to being sent away, too. It’s difficult enough with one of us.

        I don’t know if anything makes it easier. We just kinda survive.

        I’ll keep you & yours in my prayers.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. And it takes a strong foundation to make everything else fall into place.

          I think what makes it easier, is when we just try to appreciate the times that we do have together and not dwell on the times apart.

          Thank you for your prayers. That’s the best thing that anyone can do is pray.

          Liked by 1 person

  1. I understand, I feel, I know, the aches are more than painful…….. (I put on that brave face for thirty years, without anyone seeing/noticing a tear…. I cried myself to sleep every night….), sometimes we can be too brave…… xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww… Ivor… I know you’ve had such a tough time without your sweetie. Much love to you my friend. Sometimes we really can be too brave. It’s best to let it all out. ❤️

      Like

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