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Time for a summer break…

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The Silent Scream

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The forest was thick with the smell of pine and screech owls glided overhead. Patches of thick heavy fog hung low to the ground and left her feeling vulnerable. She was careful not to walk too fast, as she couldn’t quite see where she was going or what she was stepping upon. The ground was soft and squishy and with each step she took, her boots sunk deeper into the boggy terrain. She wrapped her parka tighter around her chilled body and hoped that it wouldn’t be too long before she found her way back to the cabin.

The day had been unusually warm for this time of year and so she had decided to go for a nice long walk in the woods. She didn’t really think about where she was planning on going and ended up letting her imagination flood her mind and in the process ended up leaving her good judgement behind. Eventually, she realized that she had lost her sense of direction and had been wandering around the forest for several hours. She tried desperately to find her way back, but was quite sure that she was just walking around in circles.

The trees were so tall in this part of the forest, that she could barely see the sky through the canopy of endless evergreen pine needles. She did the only thing that she could think to do and just kept walking. She walked deeper into the forest and noticed that the terrain was quickly changing. The day was fading fast and the forest had become eerily quiet. Every twig she stepped upon, echoed in the cool night air and dark shadows formed all around her, causing the forest to turn into a frightful and foreboding place.

She pressed on though and searched for an open place where she could at least sit down and rest and hopefully be lucky enough to capture a glimpse of the North Star to help her find her way. As she continued on, the ground only became more difficult to navigate and soon she was so deep into the marshland, that she could barely lift her feet at all. She wanted to turn back, but she couldn’t remember from which way she had come.

The screech owls were back again, their frightful cries caused her to shiver and tremble in fear. Suddenly she heard a twig snap from behind her and she whirled herself around as fast as she could. To her surprise and great relief, it was only a raccoon and so she continued to trudge through the soggy soil as best she could.

A little while later, she heard another twig snap and figured that her little friend must be back, but as she turned around, she discovered a man instead. He was nearly twice her size and his cold hard stare caused her to stumble backwards. His eyes were black as coal and he wore a long dark trench coat that was covered in mud and torn in several places. In one lengthy step he closed the gap between them.

She tried to scream, but no sound came. She felt her body begin to plummet into a black hole of oblivion. The last thing she saw before she broke free of his evil gaze, was the edge of a silver blade, saturated in a thick red substance, which was trickling down upon the watery ground below. The droplets pulsed through the murky waters and formed beautiful patterns that glistened in the moonlight.

Startled awake by this haunting dream, she woke up in a cold sweat and wondered where she was. She sat upright, trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness and breathed a sigh of relief when she realized that everything had all just been a crazy dream. She laid back down and tried to fall back to sleep, unaware of the screech owl perched on a low hanging branch just outside her window and the large muddy footprints on the floor just outside of her bedroom.

Written by, Michelle Cook


Originally posted: November 6, 2015

Photo credit: pixabay.com

#MidnightMadness – 5/16/2017

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Blogger friend Trent, from Trent’s World has graciously given us a new word to add to the dictionary.  Compty is the word, and it means… wanting to comment on a blog post but coming up empty when you try.  So here’s a poem I promised to write about it.  And just in case you missed it, this goes along with last night’s Midnight Madness; which you can check out here.

 

Compty

Is a very unique word

One you’ve probably

Never even heard

 

It’s a word made up

By our blogger friend Trent

Who decided to tell me

What this awesome word meant

 

So have no fear

This magical word is now here

Its meaning is simple and easy

And won’t leave you feeling queasy

 

It has to do with

Wanting to comment on a blog

During those frustrating times

When your brain is in a fog

 

It’s then that you can’t quite

Figure out what to say

So you just end up leaving

And going on your merry way

 

So thank you Trent

For sharing your word

It really is lovely

And not at all absurd

 

It’s too bad nobody else

Was brave enough to submit any more

Get with the program all you other bloggers

And don’t be such a bore!  😉

 

Written by, Michelle Cook

 


Photo credit: pixabay.com

Words come straight from the heart…

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There’s no better compliment for a writer, than when somebody reads their work.  I honestly don’t even mind if somebody doesn’t particularly like what I’ve written.  Just the fact that they’ve read it and have taken the time to tell me they have; that’s the best feeling in the world.  The words a writer writes, come straight from their heart.  So the reader is literally holding a piece of that person’s heart while reading such a person’s words.  It doesn’t get much more intimate than that.  ~M


Originally posted: May 15, 2016

Photo found at:  sparkyleegeek.wordpress.com

#MidnightMadness – 4/19/2017

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“Today is all you got before you get another today.”

~The Ruckus Journal

(The Ruckus Journal is such an amazing blog, you should check it out!)


Photo credit:  pixabay.com

Time for a spring break…

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Good morning to you my blogging friends,

Hope you’re doing well and having a very blessed week.  I just wanted to give all of you a quick update.  I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed in recent days and have come to the conclusion that a much needed break is in order.  I’ve been feeling completely exhausted both mentally and physically, and writing doesn’t seem to be helping me at the moment.  In fact, it seems to be adding to my already taxed mind.

So with that said, I have decided to at least repost some of my older blog posts for the remainder of this month, and perhaps through the month of May as well.  Each one will be selected at random, so it’ll be fun to see what comes up when I hit the “read a random post” button, which is located in the category section at the top of my blog.  I may still do my Midnight Madness posts, if something comes to mind.

Hopefully, by next month, I will feel more like myself again.  I also want to apologize in advance, because I will be cutting back my blog reading time as well.  I try so hard to keep up with all of you, but I follow a few thousand blogs, and so it’s impossible to read everyone’s posts each day.  I’ll be thinking about all of you during my time away and I’ll try to reply to comments when I can.  Have a very Happy Easter and enjoy the spring weather.

Much love, ~M  xoxo


Photo credit: pixabay.com

#MidnightMadness – 3/25/2017

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Dinnertime questions from a dimwit (yeah that’s me).

Me – “Don’t these croutons seem stale to you?  And I just opened the package today.”

Hubby – “Well you do realize that croutons are purposely made that way, right?”

Me – “Oh yeah, don’t mind me, I’m an idiot…  Lol…  Nevermind!”

 

*Guess you had to be there… 😉


Photo credit: pixabay.com

#weekendcoffeeshare – A Place of Acceptance

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How is everyone today on this brisk March morning?  I filled up on Irish coffee last night in celebration of St. Patrick’s Day, so the coffee this morning seems a bit boring and bland in comparison.  Hold on… there we go.  A bit of whipped cream should do the trick!  Ahh…. Perfection!  And in my favorite mug too!  So good…

Alright now, are you ready for the scoop on this week?  Well, if we were having coffee, I’d tell you that after all the soul-searching I’ve been doing in recent days, I think I’ve finally come to a place of acceptance.

Can I get a Hallelujah and a Praise the Lord!?!  Thank you… 😉

Anyway, I’ve started to resolve many of the things I’ve been struggling with. I feel stronger this week, happier than I’ve been in a long time.  There’s finally a sense of peace that has come over me, and I feel determined to be content where I’m at and enjoy the life I have.

Don’t get me wrong, though, coming to terms with everything hasn’t been easy.  I’ve done a lot of praying over the last few months, and questioned God about so many things.  I wanted him to reveal to me why he had allowed some of the recent things in my life to happen, and he has been answering me in ways which I never expected.

One thing I’ve realized is that I’ve been focusing way too much on how others make me feel, and not enough on finding my own happiness within myself.  So to combat this problem, I’ve been giving myself more time alone to do the things which make me happy.

One thing I’ve done which is still working for me has been to stick with a writing schedule.  I’ve been able to push myself farther than I ever thought possible.  Last week I decided to check out Grammarly online, to see if it would be helpful.  At the end of the week, I received a report stating that I had edited 15,000 words for the week.  I really had no idea how much I had actually been writing and I was completely surprised by the word count.

I think the reason I’m able to get so much done, is that I’ve stopped making excuses, and I’m writing for myself; not anyone else.  I’ve gone back to the basic principle which I began with two years ago.  I am writing whatever I want to, regardless of what others will think.  And yes, that does feel a little bit selfish, but I’m tired of having to worry about stepping on somebody’s toes or perhaps offending someone who may have issues with the content of my writing.

This blog started out as a way for me to spill my heart out on a page and resolve things I was struggling with.  I want my blog to always be that way for me and I’ve been holding back at times.  I was worrying too much about what others would think and I seriously wondered if I would be misunderstood.

After much deliberation, I have begun posting some of my older poems from a blog that never seemed to go anywhere.  I have quite a few poems left to carry over, and although they don’t relate to my current situation in life, they were things I struggled through, and I know others will be able to relate to them.  So I feel they are worth posting, and it also gives me a bit of a reprieve on days when I don’t want to write something new.

I don’t think I mentioned it last week, but I finally submitted one of my poems for publication in a magazine.  One which is just about to release its very first issue.  The release date is scheduled for April 20th and I’m excited to find out if my poem will be chosen.  There’s just something about finally seeing my work published on good old-fashioned paper, which really excites me.  I can only hope it will actually happen this time!

I also realized that I’ve made it to the halfway mark in editing my Revelations of the Past series.  If you’re interested in reading it, here’s the link to the series.  I release new chapters twice a week; usually on Wednesdays and Sundays.  If you like historical fiction, then please check it out!  My subscribers are dwindling, so please come and read.  I would really appreciate your support.

Well, enough about me and my week.  What about you and your week.  Anything new and exciting to share?  If so, please leave me a comment and tell me what you’ve been up to.  I love my blogging family and I’m so grateful I found the weekend coffee share.  It’s been a great way to make new friends and I’m really enjoying our time together.  Have a wonderful week!  ~M

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Many thanks to Nerd In The Brain for hosting the #WeekendCoffeeShare, a collective of chats over digital coffee among bloggers. To find out more, and to see this weeks posts, go here.


Photo credit: pixabay.com and giphy.com

 

#weekendcoffeeshare – Staying focused

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If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that this week has gone much better than last.  I’ve realized that I need to stay focused on my goals and really work on getting things done.  I always seem to do better when I take a structured approach to anything.  I started off the week by making myself a detailed schedule of what I wanted to accomplish, and so far I have completed each task.  I am an organizer by nature, and when things aren’t in perfect order, I sort of begin to stress out a little bit.  So by simple planning, I feel l have made some good progress.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I turned 45 this week.  I had a wonderful birthday this year.  I woke up to a plate full of toast made by my 8yr old daughter, and a lovely poem written by my very sweet husband.  I spent the entire day with my family, shopping and having fun.  I was treated like a princess, and left the mall with a great big box of dark chocolate sea salt caramels!  We even went to see a movie, “A Dog’s Purpose.”  I am not much of a movie watcher, but I have to admit, I really did enjoy this one.  It was a tearjerker for sure, and by the end of it, my husband and I were both bawling our eyes out.

Later that night we went out for Chinese food, and 3 days later, we are still surviving on leftovers from that dinner.  The portion sizes were enough to feed a football team, and the table was barely large enough to hold all the food they brought out to us.  We ordered the meal for three, even though there were four of us there.  Good thing we didn’t order the meal for four!  I came home that night feeling like I might possibly die from overeating, and the very idea of Chinese food right now, sort of makes me feel ill.

If we were having coffee, I’d also tell you that I have been feeling quite melancholy lately, and even though this week couldn’t have gone better, I am still feeling overwhelmed at times.  I’m learning to accept what I can’t change though, and trying not to let things get me down that I have no control over.  Life isn’t always what we hope for or expect.  We just have to learn to be as happy as we can, where we’re at, and learn to appreciate the little things that God sends our way.  I hope all of you have had a wonderful week.

Love and blessings, ~M xo

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Find more weekend coffee share posters here.

Photo credit: pixabay.com & giphy.com

Time for a short intermission

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Hey everyone,

It’s time for me to take a short break, as I will be out of town for a few days.  In the meantime, I have a few things scheduled to post.  However, I doubt I will have much extra time to read your blogs or answer comments.  Please forgive me, and I promise to be back just as soon as I can.  Hope you have an amazing week!  Much love,  ~M xoxo


Photo credit: pixabay.com

Him vs. Her – A New Chapter

For the last two years now, I have been very unsure about the future of my marriage.  The past sort of caught up with my husband and the present sort of caught up with me.  Needless to say, we were both at fault in different ways.  About four months ago, I had finally gotten to the point where I decided I was tired of trying.  In my mind, I just sort of gave up and decided it was time to figure out plan B.  I started picturing my life without him.  Wondering what I would do apart from him and where I would go.  We still have two children at home, so that was of course another concern of mine.  What would happen to them if we split up, how would we work it all out?  And yet I could never actually see us getting to the point of divorce.  I really couldn’t even fathom the idea of such a drastic decision.

After admitting to my husband that I didn’t think I could continue on the way things were, he in turn seemed to agree.  And yet divorce was the furthest thing from his mind.  His immediate response was to somehow fix what was broken in our marriage and strengthen the parts which looked salvageable.  For four months now, he has been trying very hard to turn things around.  I have to admit, I haven’t made things easy.  I have fought him every bit of the way, by not really believing any of what he’s been saying.  After years of empty promises, I didn’t want to allow myself to be tricked again.

His first response was to begin by writing me poetry; which is something he had never done in his entire life.  I remember reading the words he wrote during those first few months and thinking to myself… “He can’t really mean any of this.”  I thought… “This is just another one of his schemes to make me believe him, but it’s not going to last.” Over the years he would say he would try harder, but there was never any long lasting changes to support his efforts.  It was mostly just cheap talk and I knew I didn’t want to fall for that again.  I was finally ready to move on and I didn’t want to get sucked back into a life of false hopes.

Well it’s been four months now since he’s started blogging.  And I think the turning point for me was when he wrote this… Heart of Sadness.  Since then, I have begun to believe that he is truly being sincere.  He finally seems to understand and acknowledge how I’ve been feeling.  We tell each other everything, but I had often wondered if he was really hearing me.  I wasn’t sure if he understood that I didn’t feel the same kind of love for him anymore.  I wondered if he could live with that fact, or if it would ultimately destroy our marriage.  Yet the more we talked, the more I knew he understood, and he told me very sweetly that he just wanted me to be happy.

I suppose because he isn’t demanding my love, I am slowly finding my way back to him.  We have been making immense progress, and I am finally accepting that he really is changing for the better.  I’m starting to believe him when he tells me he loves me, and I’m hopeful once more that we can make our marriage work.  We will be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary on the 5th of February and I’m excited to get away for a few days and just have some time alone with him.  We’ve literally spent half our lives together now, and both of us know that we can’t just throw all of that away.  I honestly just can’t picture my life without him, and I hope I never can.

So to my husband… aka, SW.  I have hope that we will make it, TTF…… ❤️  Love always, ~Me

 

No talking back!

I’ve always felt bad for sharing what’s on my mind.  Maybe this sort of feeling stems from my childhood, back when children were to be “seen and not heard.”  I wasn’t allowed to voice my opinions about anything or express my emotions without being told I was, “talking back.”

I was a very shy and quiet child, but as the years went by, I grew completely tired of having to stay quiet.  My mother was happy with me, as long as I did what I was told and didn’t interrupt.  By the time high school rolled around, I had had enough of being silent, and I began rebelling against my mother.

I think I threw her into a tizzy the day I finally left home.  My mother had kept me in a submissive rut for too many years.  She stifled my ability to have friends and had controlled my entire life.  I couldn’t take it any longer and after she dared me to leave, I was all too eager to accept the invitation.

After the last yelling match we ever had, I ran to my room in a huff, packed a bag, and left before she even had a chance to know what I was up to.  I never looked back and I’ve never once regretted my decision.  It felt so good to finally be free.  Yes, I was only 18 years old at the time and I hadn’t even finished high school yet, but I was determined to make it on my own and I did.

Still to this day, I find it easy to let go of people in my life who try to drag me down; especially those who try to control me.  And I feel so awful for the people around me, who let others get away with controlling them.  I also have no room for people who really don’t want to be a part of my everyday life and those who would rather keep me at arm’s length.  I lived that sort of life for far too long and life is too short to live like that again.

I suppose that’s why in the last year, I’ve turned to writing poetry.  I can say what I want, without anybody really knowing what I am actually writing about.  I can be serious, funny, or completely imaginative.  That’s the wonderful thing about writing, I can tell any story I want, true or not, and I don’t have to answer to anybody for it.  This is what I love most about blogging and this is why I continue to write.

WordPress has become sort of a home away from home for me.  It allows me to share my daily burdens and pain, along with my hopes and dreams for the future.  It’s the only place I can really share my heart completely and not be told to keep silent.  There’s freedom in being able to share one’s deepest thoughts and desires and there’s happiness in being able to express one’s ideas and viewpoints without criticism.  So thank you to all of you for being such good listeners and for offering your love and support along the way.  It’s meant the world to me.  ~M

Happy Saturday!

Good morning everyone,

Hope you’re all off to a good start today!  I just wanted to thank all of you who prayed for me and sent well wishes.  It really meant the world to me and helped me remain more positive through everything.  I still don’t have any results or know the outcome of my situation, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason.  I am trying to remain hopeful and it’s been much easier to do that because of all of you.  So thank you for that!  I feel so blessed to have this community of bloggers who I can really connect with.  You have no idea what you all mean to me.  Hope your weekend goes well!  Much love to all of you!  ~M  ❤  xo

Couldn’t stay away…

Well I’m back blogging again, quicker than I expected.  After the news I received today, I feel like I can’t just waste my time feeling sorry for myself.  I am facing a physical battle right now, which has caused me to think seriously about my life and what I should be doing at the moment.

Whenever we’re faced with something that could possibly take us from this world, I think most of us generally start taking life a little more serious.  We often straighten up and start acting the way we should, because we realize that we may not have much time left to leave a lasting impression on this world.  And don’t we always hope that when we finally do go, that we will leave a good impression?  Well, I certainly do… and I feel like I need to live out my God given purpose in this life, because I know it’s what I’ve been called to do.

Taking yesterday off from blogging just about killed me.  I still wrote a poem, I still journaled, and I also wrote a trillion other things that just needed to escape my brain.  Now that I think about it, I probably wrote more yesterday than I normally do.  Most of it isn’t anything I would ever share with anyone, but it was good to have a day to write about how I was feeling and just kind of let it all go.

Writing for me has become very therapeutic and I’ve realized that without sharing it with all of you, it sort of takes away some of the fun of writing in the first place.  I don’t have a crowd of people at home that I can talk to, and so you guys have really become like family to me.  It’s normally very quiet here, but after yesterday…  I realized how quiet it really is, and how truly lost I would be if I didn’t have all of you to talk to here on WP.

So with that said… this regularly scheduled program of “putting my feet in the dirt” is back.  I just want to say one more thing before I end this post; please don’t be too concerned about my health.  I know I’m in good hands.  Jesus has saved me from so many terrible situations in my life already, and I know this is just another one of those times which I will get through.  Have a very Happy 4th of July weekend and don’t stop living the life that God has called you to live.  He has a plan and a purpose for every single one of us.  Find your purpose and live it!

Love, ~M  xo

Saying goodbye…

This is a really tough day for me and I hardly know where to begin.  I have been struggling with so many issues over the past couple of years and last night they all came crashing down on me.  Right now, I feel hopeless, lost, and completely out of sorts.  I have been doing everything in my own power, trying to hold on to the tiniest bit of hope, and yet that last bit of hope finally escaped my grip last night and I wanted to completely give up.

I wanted to give up everything and I wanted to forget everyone.  As the night progressed, I finally just spilled everything I had been holding onto for so long.  All the pain that’s been bottled up inside of me, all the disappointment, all the regrets.  All of it came out and my heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces.

Still today, there does not seem to be any relief after all that was discussed.  Everything is still a complete mess and I can’t imagine how any of it will ever be resolved.  The hurts run too deep, the pain seems to be more than I can bear, and I don’t feel like I will ever recover.  I have alienated too many people from my life, tried to forget everyone and everything for so long now.   And because of it, I feel like I am left with this huge hole in my heart.

In the process of trying to forget everyone, I seem to have forgotten who I am too.  I feel as if I can’t change any of this and cannot seem to mend what’s been broken.  I have allowed things to go too far, to get too out of control and my health is declining as well, which I know is completely my fault.

I have debated for months now as to what I should do, and after last night and just how close I was to giving up completely, I feel like I need a break to figure things out.  As hard as this is, I have decided to give up blogging.  I am not sure if this will be permanent or temporary, my brain can’t think that far ahead.  But for now, I just need to get my head and my heart in sync with one another and figure things out.

I am closing comments on my blog and may be deleting my social media accounts as well.  I will leave my blog up for now, but may remove it in the future.  I wish the best to all of you and I hope that you will be happy in your lives and always put God first.  Without Him we are nothing, and you will go down this barren road like I am right now if you don’t put your hope and trust in Him alone.

Love you all so much and I will really miss you.  ~M  xo