I once had a friend who I loved completely. Probably more than I even should’ve. But the thing is, they weren’t there to give, but to take instead. And they took a lot from me. The last straw was when they plagiarized some of my work. And rather than make things right, and give me credit in their book, they decided to instead tell me that I should feel honored for what they did, and they couldn’t guarantee that they wouldn’t do it again.
Needless to say, we are no longer friends, and after looking them up on social media, I proceeded to block every online place I could think of that they might be. In doing so, I discovered just how unashamed they were for their actions because they are out there promoting their book, taking full credit for something that isn’t entirely theirs. I honestly couldn’t believe what I was seeing because I trusted this person for five years, and we were as close as friends could be. But apparently, some people have no regard for others, and they just want to stomp on anyone who gets in their way. I’m quite sure this person will likely steal from me again, and so I’m not sure what I will do if that happens. It’s bad enough when random strangers steal your work, but it’s a whole different story when it’s someone you were once really close too.
Anyway, it’s just good to finally be done with this person and to never have to hear from them again. I think the worst part is that my trust has been broken, and that’s something that is very difficult to get back once it’s taken from you. But I’m moving on, and I’m literally doing so, as I’m just about to move several states away from where I currently am. It’s freeing to know that I’ll soon be starting over, and I guess it’s good I’m not dragging along any drama with me when I go. I’m really excited about what’s ahead, and I think this new, exciting change is just what I need.
I’ve kept silent for a long time because I wasn’t even sure what to say. And even now, I really have no idea how to articulate all that I’ve been wanting to share. The one thing I do know is that this year has been really hard; maybe even the most difficult year of my life. The thing is, I feel like I have nobody else to blame except myself. I’ve made some very stupid decisions, and I’ve been paying the price for a lot of them. And it’s interesting to me, at the age of 47, that I am still making such idiotic decisions. One thing I’ve realized is that I need to start trusting my gut more and not allow people to walk all over me. This entire year, I’ve been choosing to disregard things that I didn’t want to believe because it was just easier to look the other way. I thought it was better to ignore what was right in front of me, and give the people in my life unlimited opportunities to redeem themselves. But that way of thinking only backfired and has sort of destroyed the trusting side of me. I know now without a doubt that I have nobody else to blame except for myself because I chose to ignore the obvious, and accepted the consequences in doing so. But I’ve also learned that I can’t allow it to happen anymore, and even if it means further heartache, I have to continue to stand up for myself. I really loved my rose-colored glasses, and if I could wear them for the rest of my life, I would. But I’ve decided that those glasses have outgrown their usefulness. The world isn’t rosy at all, and I don’t know why I ever decided to pretend it was.