Hold steady…

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“Hold steady, the world will eventually stop spinning at some point.”  ~M


Photo credit: Pixabay.com

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Lauren Daigle – Trust In You

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what you see
I try to win this war
I confess, my hands are weary, I need your rest
Mighty warrior, king of the fight
No matter what I face you’re by my side

When you don’t move the mountains
I’m needing you to move
When you don’t part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When you don’t give the answers
As I cry out to you
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you

Truth is you know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead you have not seen
So let all things be my life and breath
I want what you want Lord and nothing less

When you don’t move the mountains
I’m needing you to move
When you don’t part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When you don’t give the answers
As I cry out to you
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you
I will trust in you

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foudation
The rock on which I stand
Your ways are always higher
You plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go
You’ve not already stood

When you don’t move the mountains
I’m needing you to move
When you don’t part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When you don’t give the answers
As I cry out to you
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you
I will trust in you
I will trust in you
I will trust in you

Songwriters
LAUREN DAIGLE, MICHAEL FARREN, PAUL MABURY

Published by
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, ESSENTIAL MUSIC PUBLISHING, CAPITOL CHRISTIAN MUSIC GROUP, MUSIC SERVICES, INC.

#weekendcoffeeshare – Staying focused

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If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that this week has gone much better than last.  I’ve realized that I need to stay focused on my goals and really work on getting things done.  I always seem to do better when I take a structured approach to anything.  I started off the week by making myself a detailed schedule of what I wanted to accomplish, and so far I have completed each task.  I am an organizer by nature, and when things aren’t in perfect order, I sort of begin to stress out a little bit.  So by simple planning, I feel l have made some good progress.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I turned 45 this week.  I had a wonderful birthday this year.  I woke up to a plate full of toast made by my 8yr old daughter, and a lovely poem written by my very sweet husband.  I spent the entire day with my family, shopping and having fun.  I was treated like a princess, and left the mall with a great big box of dark chocolate sea salt caramels!  We even went to see a movie, “A Dog’s Purpose.”  I am not much of a movie watcher, but I have to admit, I really did enjoy this one.  It was a tearjerker for sure, and by the end of it, my husband and I were both bawling our eyes out.

Later that night we went out for Chinese food, and 3 days later, we are still surviving on leftovers from that dinner.  The portion sizes were enough to feed a football team, and the table was barely large enough to hold all the food they brought out to us.  We ordered the meal for three, even though there were four of us there.  Good thing we didn’t order the meal for four!  I came home that night feeling like I might possibly die from overeating, and the very idea of Chinese food right now, sort of makes me feel ill.

If we were having coffee, I’d also tell you that I have been feeling quite melancholy lately, and even though this week couldn’t have gone better, I am still feeling overwhelmed at times.  I’m learning to accept what I can’t change though, and trying not to let things get me down that I have no control over.  Life isn’t always what we hope for or expect.  We just have to learn to be as happy as we can, where we’re at, and learn to appreciate the little things that God sends our way.  I hope all of you have had a wonderful week.

Love and blessings, ~M xo

502


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#weekendcoffeeshare – Loss of a friend

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If we were having coffee, I’d tell you how very sad I’ve been feeling over the past couple of weeks.  It’s been a very tough month for me, and I’m living with so many unanswered questions.

Near the beginning of the month, I lost my closest friend.  I haven’t dealt with it very well, but I’m trying my best to let go.  For whatever reason, my friend decided to move on without telling me they were leaving.

I think the hardest part for me, is not knowing why; and I know I never will.  The reason I know I never will, is because I dreamt of them leaving.  It was a fairly recent dream, one I dreamt a few weeks before they disappeared.  I didn’t understand the meaning then, but of course I do now.  I cannot even fathom why they left, especially without saying goodbye; other than maybe they just had no other choice.

I admit at first, I was angry and hurt, and I vowed to myself that I would never trust another person again.  And yes my guard is still up, but I did allow myself to visit with a woman who lives nearby, and it did help to speak with her. I poured my heart out to her and she listened.  She eventually told me it was probably for the better; and even though I hesitate to agree with her, in the back of my mind, I know she’s probably right.

So as hard as it is to live with this sense of loss and pain in my heart, I know I will eventually be okay.  Every day that passes, is another day to find other things to be happy about; and to try and find contentment, even in the monotony of everyday life.

I have never been a quitter, and so I will not give up trying to find a positive light, even in this.  The Lord knows my path better than me, and so I have to ultimately give all of this to him, and let him show me where I should go from here.


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The ache in our hearts…

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“The pain we feel in our hearts when we lose someone, is just a reminder of how much we truly did love them.  It’s an ache we carry with us for the remainder of our lives, which continues to remind us of just how special they really were.” ~M


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Incredibly blessed

As I was heading out from dropping my daughter off at church tonight for Awana, someone stopped me to tell me how well-behaved my daughter always is.  It’s so good to hear that your child is well liked by others and acting appropriately when they are away from you.  And honestly, I am not surprised by the comment that was made.  My daughter Autumn is 8 years old, and one of the happiest children that I have ever met. 

She is always smiling, and loves to surround herself with people.  It makes it very hard to home school her at times, for I fear that she isn’t getting the social interaction that she requires.  And yet by being home schooled, I think it has helped her to stay so well adjusted.  She doesn’t have to deal with the kids on the playground calling her names and she doesn’t have to worry about fitting in.  She is so happy here at home, that I often wonder what a public school might do to her sweet spirit. 

I myself, grew up going to a public school, and I learned from an early age to be very wary of the kids around me.  Most of my classmates were affiliated with different gangs in the area, and most would insist that I choose a side.  Weapons were routinely brought to school and passed around, which made me feel very unsafe and ill prepared for whatever situation I might be forced into.  I felt like an outsider most of the time, since I was one of the few Caucasian girls in my class.  It made such a difference, because so often I couldn’t speak their language, and so even if I had wanted to, I couldn’t interact with the majority of the kids around me.

I also grew up in a very poor area of town, and so even during the day, it was dangerous to walk the streets alone.  My mother kept me very sheltered because of it, and I wasn’t allowed to do much of anything or go anywhere, because my mother feared what might happen to me if she let me out of her sight for even a minute.

Now that I have my own four girls, I don’t blame my mother for being so overprotective, but I do wish she had been a little less stringent, and perhaps allowed me a bit more freedom than she did.  But who knows… by doing that, something terrible could have happened to me, and so I have to believe that she did the best she could, and her over protectiveness probably benefited me in ways, in which I will never fully understand.

On the way home tonight, I couldn’t stop thinking about the comment made about my daughter, and I began to wonder what life would have been like, had Autumn’s twin been born as well.  I don’t bring it up very often, but I had a miscarriage early on in my pregnancy with her, and another miscarriage the year prior. 

As I think back to that time in my life, I still feel so much grief over losing them.  I often sit and wonder about each one; what their personalities would have been like, their potential likes and dislikes, how they would have looked, etc…. And I find myself daydreaming, about how different my life would be now, had they both been born. 

It still breaks my heart, knowing that I will never be able to hold either one of them in my arms and rock them to sleep, or sing them a lullaby before tucking them into bed.  And when I see my daughter Autumn’s bright smiling face, I just want to wrap my arms around her and never let her go.  She is such an amazing blessing to me, as are my other three girls. So today, I just want to say how thankful I am, for the children I do have, and for the loving personalities of each one.  I feel amazingly blessed.

In memory of beautiful AmyJane

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My daughter Kate (left) AmyJane (right)

It was spring 2012, and my daughter Caitlyn (Kate) had just gotten back to our home in Wisconsin from her mission trip to India and Nepal. While in India, my daughter and her best friend AmyJane, both contracted an illness that dared to kill them both. Doctors thought for sure that Kate had malaria and they were doing all they could to make her well. At the same time, AmyJane was battling the same illness and was trying to recover at her home in Oregon. Both girls were so sick and it broke my heart to see them so ill. I felt completely helpless as to what to do. Finally after contact with the Center for Disease Control and many local doctors, it was determined that my daughter Kate had a rare type of food poisoning, which was resistant to the antibiotics that the doctors had been using. After the 4th round of antibiotics, my daughter Kate was finally made well. Soon after my daughter Kate was healed, we were relieved to hear that AmyJane had been cured as well.

We were excited and feeling blessed that the girls were finally going to be okay, and yet this was not the case. Yes my daughter Kate would be spared.  However, by August 2012, after being cured from her illness, AmyJane (only 19 yrs. old) was brutally attacked and murdered at a motel where she had recently begun to work as a housekeeper. We were devastated when the news arrived and couldn’t fathom why God would take such a beautiful young girl who had only been seeking to do His will and live for Him.

A year later, another woman (Karen Lange), was targeted by the same man who had killed AmyJane.  Karen was attacked in a similar way, and although she came close to death, she amazingly survived the attack and lived to tell her story. It was through her attack, that authorities were able to track down the man that had killed AmyJane.  I was surprised when I heard Karen’s story in an NBC Dateline special.  Karen’s reaction showed how God really does give us the ability to forgive, even in times when the act against us seems unforgivable.  She is a true woman of faith and through her testimony, many have been blessed.  Her story reminded me of Corrie Ten Boom and her courageous story of love and forgiveness despite the torture she faced during WWII.

There is always a lesson to be learned in every experience we have.  Finding the light in a dark place can be so hard at times, but not impossible.   There was a light in AmyJane that could not be extinguished and her memory lives on in this video that I wanted to share with all of you. Never stop for a moment to show your love for others, for in a single second, their life could be taken from this world. We love and miss you AmyJane… May your beautiful spirit live on, and may others always remember you as a rare and beautiful light who shared her compassion and love without hesitation.  We will never forget you!

“I remember you so often even in the little things. I’ll feel the wind, step in the grass, or even just look at the stars and am reminded of you. Still to this day you are my inspiration. When I’m having a hard day, I just remind myself what you would say or do because not many things ever got to you. You were content in the hardest of situations. I know God placed you in my life for a reason. Even though your gone, your light still lives among so many people and keeps shinning hope for us all. Beloved friend you are so missed by many. This video is for all your friends and family so that they too can have the amazing memories that I have of you. I love you forever.” ♥  ~Kate Cook