joy – Page 4 – Putting My Feet in the Dirt

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“I often feel guilty for being happy.” ~M

I was once given a death threat by a roommate of mine, who claimed that I was too happy. She threatened to slit my throat while I slept, because she said I was way too happy all the time. For some reason my happiness really bothered her.

After spending months in the same room with this girl, she was finally taken forcefully from the barracks, and transported to a psychiatric ward. She was found to have knives strapped to her thighs, and a suicide letter next to her bed.

I have found it hard to be happy in front of people since that day. I feel that somehow my happiness only seems to bring others down, who are not experiencing the same joy in their own lives. Maybe there is still a part of me that fears what may happen, if perhaps I am too joyful around others. Regardless, I am very cautious now and I doubt that will ever change.

It’s so sad to me, that we live in a world where even our own happiness can be threatening to others who long to be happy themselves. I wish I didn’t have to feel guilty for being happy as often as I do. I suppose this is another reason why I find myself wanting to be alone so often. Secluding myself from others, means that I will never have to hurt them.

Life is so difficult at times, this is just another example of why I feel like I can never fully be myself around others. It’s a sad state we live in, when we cannot even show our own happiness.

Photo found at: sonalororra.wordpress.com

My girls were both sick this past week with the flu and I was feeling exhausted from the buckets of vomit, which seemed to be filling up faster than I could empty. As the weekend rolled around, I was definitely ready for a break. My husband told me he was planning an early birthday surprise for me and I figured with the girls being sick, he would just have to cancel whatever plans he had made.

Fortunately by Saturday afternoon, both of the girls were feeling much better and so hubby and I decided to make a break for it and leave the chaos behind. We had about an hour drive before we reached our destination. We finally arrived at a church and I was still completely clueless as to what my surprise could be. I knew it couldn’t be a marriage seminar, there were too many kids there for that! And it seemed too early in the day for a concert. So why else would we be at a church on a Saturday, at 3:00 in the afternoon?

After making our way inside, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that we were there to see my favorite Christian comedian, Tim Hawkins. I don’t think I have ever been more surprised in all my life and I have never laughed more than I did that afternoon. It was actually the first time that I had ever been surprised by my husband over the entire 22 years we’ve been married. I hope he keeps the surprises coming! Although I don’t know what he could ever do to top this! 😉

One thing that really spoke to me, was how Tim said, “The joy of the Lord is our strength.” I have heard that quoted so many times in my life, but I had never really thought about how powerful that statement is, or what it really means. After laughing so much during the show, I realized how energizing and strengthening laughter can be. Joy lifts our spirits and gives us the strength we need to make it through each and every day.

I realize now, that I need to laugh more and look for the joy in each day. I want to be flooded with the strength that comes from being happy by knowing Jesus and appreciate the life which he has given to me. Today I am thankful for laughter and I wanted to share one of Tim Hawkins videos, so that all of you will have something to laugh about too! I hope you’re all having an amazing God filled week! 😉