#weekendcoffeeshare – Do you ever just feel like giving up?

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Good morning fellow bloggers!  How have all of you been lately?  I’m so glad you decided to visit me today.  I’ve got plenty of hot tea and coffee, or iced tea if you prefer that instead.  So pick what you like best and let’s sit down and have a heart to heart talk.  Okay, I’m not gonna lie.  This conversation is not going to be all hearts and flowers.  But I’m keeping it real today.

So here it is, I’m just gonna lay it all out here and let my heart sort of bleed onto this boring white page.  I’ve been struggling worse than I think I ever have before.  I can’t seem to escape these depressive thoughts anymore.  I’m doing everything in my power to try and do something about it.  Since writing is what I’m most passionate about, I’ve been trying to focus on creating more humorous posts.  I’m also getting outside more and doing things that I normally love to do.  But for some reason, I just can’t seem to lose this sinking feeling within myself.  I’m not really sure what to do about any of it.  I’m definitely feeling the pull to break away from everything and everyone around me.  I’ve been doing the fake smile thing lately.  Hopeful that nobody notices how I’m really feeling.  Of course then there’s always that one person who ruins it for me and asks me how I’m doing.  Then the tears start to well up and I can’t even answer back.  And of course they have no idea why their question has set me off and I end up feeling like an idiot for not being able to respond to their question properly.

I’m also at a crossroad in my life right now and I’m making a huge effort to try and work on my relationship with my hubby.  He’s about to leave again since he’s in the military and I’m not sure when I will have a chance to see him again.  I very much love him, but I feel our relationship is still very fragile, and because he’s leaving, I wonder if it’s going to hinder the progress that we’ve made.  Fear is sort of taking hold of me at the moment because we are facing so many unknowns.  Anyway, he and I have talked in depth about all of this and I think we are both just sort of holding our breath, hopeful for a happy ending.  These last couple of years have taken their toll on both of us and perhaps being apart will be the best thing for us.  Being away from each other has often helped us in the past.  It seems to give us the time we need to sort out our feelings.

Another thing I’m struggling with is the fact that I don’t really know anybody where I live, and so with my hubby leaving, I’m beginning to feel like I’m about to be stranded.  We’ve always moved around so much that I’ve never really been able to establish any close friends where I live.   And because we’re always moving, I also tend to shy away from making friends in the first place.  It seems easier not to have any friends than to always be saying goodbye to them.  Since I really don’t have any close ties to Wisconsin, I’m thinking I will welcome another move in the coming future.  I’ve always loved the feel of a fresh start in a new place.  I get bored easily when I stay in one place for too long and my love for travel leaves me ever wanting to get away.

Anyway, these are the main things I’m struggling with at the moment, and so if I tend to throw a sort of depressive post in the batch once in a while, please forgive me for doing so.  I’m just not always in the best frame of mind and sometimes there are days which just seem to get the better of me.  I hope all of you are doing well and staying in good health.  I want to thank all of you for being my long distance friends and for always showing me how much you care.  Blogging has been a great outlet for me, and since I do move around so much, I’m blessed that I can take all of you with me wherever I go.  😉

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Photo credit: pixabay.com and giphy.com

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Tales of the Dark Side – (Part 2, The Broom Incident)

Continued from:  Tales of the Dark Side – (Part 1, The Broom Incident)

It was actually quite comforting to be back home.  Five months of military training had worn me out, and I was excited to have a few weeks off, before having to report to my first permanent duty station.

As I readied the kitchen to steam the spice broom, I began to daydream about a guy I had recently met during AIT.  He had the bluest eyes of anyone I had ever met, and I loved the way they lit up whenever I caught him smiling at me.

Mom didn’t know it yet, but I had actually gotten a tattoo while I was in AIT, and this guy I liked, (Kyle) had actually forked over the money to pay for my tattoo.  He had even told me that he wanted to marry me and had begun working an extra job, in order to save for our future together.  And yet I was still surprised to see twenty-four long stemmed roses delivered to the house earlier that day.  I wondered… could he really be the one?

After becoming lost in my thoughts of Kyle, I soon realized the pot of water had begun to boil.  Grabbing the spice broom, I carefully held it over the steaming pot of water.  The rich spicy scent of cinnamon soon enveloped the tiny kitchen, and I stood there patiently steaming the broom, entranced by thoughts of Kyle and reveling in the euphoric smell which now engulfed me.

All of a sudden, my day-dreamy eyes caught sight of a wisp of smoke, which seemed to be curling up from underneath the broom.  Then, not even a second later, the entire broom burst into flames.  I couldn’t believe my eyes, and for a split second, I had no idea what to do.  I began to panic, shaking the broom violently, hoping this would somehow put the fire out.

I had just been trained on how to: throw a live grenade, operate a machine gun, set up a land mine, fire a grenade launcher, shoot an M16 rifle, survive in a gas chamber, fight off a person using hand to hand combat, stab someone efficiently with a bayonet, and yet for the life of me, I had no idea in this moment, how to put out the blazing fire which was now right in front of me.

Then suddenly out of nowhere, instinct kicked in and I knew what I had to do.  So without another thought, I held onto the broom as tightly as I could and raced to the back door.  I pushed open the glass sliding door as far as it would go and then threw the broom down onto the concrete patio.  I began stomping out the fire as best I could and then ran quickly back inside to get a bucket of water.

The broom was still smoldering when I returned, and yet the water did the trick.  The broom hissed and steamed at me as I doused it with the entire bucket of water.  Looking down, all that was left, was the tightly woven handle of the broom, the rest of it had completely disintegrated into a pile of ash.

Breathing a huge sigh of relief, I went back into the kitchen, where a thick haze of smoke now lingered near the ceiling.  I knew my parents were sure to kill me when they returned.  My stupidity had almost cost them their entire house, and I felt like a complete idiot.  So much for the courageous soldier, I thought I had become.  It turned out, I was still the same foolish girl I had always been.


The Daily Post prompt – Instinct

Typical married life…

Well I’m back, and made it through the worst vacation ever.  I ended up being sick the entire time, and yet fortunately my husband was with me and took good care of me.  It seems we are completely cursed when it comes to anniversaries. Every year on our anniversary, one of us is either sick or in the hospital; it’s been a running joke now as to who it will end up being.  Why we even try to plan romantic getaways for our anniversary anymore, is beyond me.

In between the mad dashes to the bathroom, my husband kept saying, “Well at least we’re together.”  I just rolled my eyes at him and thought to myself, as sweet as that sounded, he couldn’t possibly mean it; and yet he kept insisting that he really did.  After seeing the look in his eyes, I believe he really meant it.  Being in the military and working for a department that operates 24 x 7, my husband gets very little time off from work.  He also doesn’t get paid overtime, even if he works a 60 hour week; so I just feel awful that he had to spend his only few days off, tending to me.

Anyway, I’m home now and trying not to feel frustrated, and yet I really feel like forces beyond our control, once again cheated us out of quality time together.  As soon as we got home today, we also received some unexpected news.  While we were away, my husband’s unit was trying to reach him; it seems that they have a very special job for him, one that will take him away from me for over a year.  I’m excited for him, because this is exactly the break in his career that he’s been waiting for, but of course I will miss him when he goes.  This is the life of a military family though, and we will get through it just like we always have.