And God said… “Don’t forget, you still have me.” ~M
Photo credit: Pixabay.com
Photo credit: Pixabay.com
In the past month, I’ve had some extraordinary close encounters with some very amazing creatures. The first encounter happened on my camping trip a few weeks ago. I was sitting with my hubby next to the campfire in the early evening, when all of a sudden, a doe came rambling down the hill. It stopped about 20 feet away from us and began to graze. I got up from my seat to have a better look, and the doe merely raised her head in curiosity, while continuing to eat. The doe kept her eye on me but showed no inclination of being afraid. And as I walked closer to get a better look, she still kept grazing. I decided to leave her alone and sat back down by the campfire, and several minutes later, she walked down to the pond, which was just beyond our campsite. Hubby and I watched her stroll around the pond, and then she eventually disappeared into the forest. It was such a rare and beautiful moment to behold. Looking into the eyes of a doe was mesmerizing, and I could tell she felt safe with us there. It was such a miraculous thing to witness, and I will never forget her eyes. They were eyes of acceptance and trust, and the sheer beauty in her gaze overwhelmed me.
The second encounter began when hubby and I decided to play shuffleboard at a resort we were staying at. As we walked up to the game area, a baby rabbit was sitting there nibbling away on a piece of grass. We were so close to the rabbit that we could have stepped on it if we had not been paying attention. The rabbit never once flinched as we walked past, but instead, just kept eating while we played shuffleboard a few feet away. I thought that perhaps the pucks racing toward it, might scare the poor thing away, but it just sat there happy and content the entire time. When we finally decided we’d played long enough, the baby rabbit bid us farewell, and we left feeling as if we’d seen yet another small miracle that day.
The third encounter happened yesterday when I was visiting a nearby park. My girls and I decided to go for a picnic lunch next to the river, and it was so beautiful that I wanted to capture the beauty of everything by taking a few photos. The problem was, I had left my phone in the car, so I decided to head back to grab it. As I was walking back, a bird suddenly swooped down in front of me, almost hitting me. I thought the occurrence was very odd but began to continue to the car. But something suddenly made me stop and go back to the spot where the bird had almost hit me. Walking back, I came across a tiny yellow bird. It was just sitting there peacefully in the grass, staring up at me. It looked almost like it were about to fall asleep because of how calm and content it looked. I stood no more than a foot away from that little yellow bird and spoke to it for a few minutes. It sort of winked at me a few times and looked as if it were actually smiling up at me. I couldn’t believe how tame and beautiful it was. It could have been a baby bird, but it had all of its adult feathers and was bright yellow in color, so I wasn’t sure if it was newly born or not. The nature of it was definitely odd and had I leaned down to hold it; I was sure it would have let me. But at last, I knew I didn’t dare disturb it further, and so I left it there and headed back to my car.
The fourth encounter happened today, which prompted me to write this post. I had been sitting in my office, working at my computer, when a dove suddenly decided to perch on the screen of my window. I have always loved doves, and have had some interesting experiences with them. In fact, I had one occasion, where a dove sort of saved my life. But I suppose I will wait and share that story for another occasion. For now, just seeing that dove, lifted my spirits and reminded me of all the times when animals have spoken to me in such extraordinary ways. When I’m feeling gloomy like today, it’s God’s creatures who always cheer me up, and I’m thankful that I have such reminders of his everlasting love. I hope the rest of you will find similar reminders in your own lives. Those unexpected occurrences always seem to come just when we need them, but we must pay attention or we could end up missing those miraculous blessings that he sends our way.
Photo credit: Pixabay.com
It’s been awhile since I wrote a Him vs. Her, and there’s been a few things that I’ve wanted to share, so here goes…
As I’ve spoken of in recent days, hubby and I have been having quite a bit of trouble getting through these past two years. We’re coming up on 23 years of marriage in February and although things haven’t been the best, I see a ton of progress being made in our relationship.
One thing that has recently changed, is the fact that hubby began to ask himself why we weren’t connecting the way we ought to be. He started praying about a lot of things that he had been struggling with, and asking God to show him where he was going wrong.
One morning he suddenly woke up, and announced to me that he was no longer going to be the man that just let life pass him by. He vowed to encourage me in my own faith, to stop withholding his love from me, and promised to become the man that I deserve.
I was quite taken back from his sudden change of heart. I truly wondered if he was serious. After so many years of me feeling rejected and unloved by him, I wondered why he wanted to change now. I was actually a bit angry at first, and wondered why he waited almost 23 years to change his tune and be the man that I had always hoped he would be.
It’s been about a month now, and my head is still spinning from the changes that I see in him. I still have my doubts that things will stay this way and I am unsure of how to act sometimes, because I had gotten so used to feeling as if I didn’t matter to him. I felt ignored, unimportant, and very unhappy most of the time.
So now confusion is setting in. I keep asking myself… Is this real? Will this last? And do I really want to give him a chance to fix what’s been broken for so long? My stubborn side tells me not to give in; warns me that he had his chance, and reminds me that my heart has since moved on. And yet the part of me that has never stopped loving him, tells me to forgive and forget; to let go of the past and move forward, because obviously God has taken his heart and changed it for the good.
I feel vulnerable in accepting the possibility that he really has changed. I feel like I could wake up tomorrow and be taken for granted once again. I don’t think I can handle another 23 years of feeling that way and I’m almost fearful of being blindsided and letting that happen again.
I have become stronger in these last two years. Learning to be more independent of him because he wasn’t always there, and quite honestly, I grew to love the freedom of being alone, because it meant that I didn’t have to continue feeling rejected by him. I used writing as my escape and felt like I didn’t need him anymore.
So now, I have a choice to make. I am struggling every day to either accept this unexpected gift that apparently God has given me, or throw it all away because I’m stubborn and tired of trying. It sounds like an easy choice, and yet I’m fighting against my own will to keep myself from getting hurt. My heart just won’t let me forget all the suffering and the pain, which plagued me for so long. And yet I know what I must do.
In recent days, I have been blessed with loving words of affirmation, by my husband who is trying so very hard to make things right. Tonight I spent some time going through all the notes that he’s been leaving for me over the past month, and I affixed them to the tree that I painted on my office wall. I decided that I needed these loving reminders, to help me move forward. I need to forget the years of bad memories and replace them with the good ones that we are finally making together. I think I may eventually win this battle after all.