No talking back!

August 9, 2016August 8, 2016 ~ ~M ~ 17 Comments

I’ve always felt bad for sharing what’s on my mind. Maybe this sort of feeling stems from my childhood, back when children were to be “seen and not heard.” I wasn’t allowed to voice my opinions about anything or express my emotions without being told I was, “talking back.”

I was a very shy and quiet child, but as the years went by, I grew completely tired of having to stay quiet. My mother was happy with me, as long as I did what I was told and didn’t interrupt. By the time high school rolled around, I had had enough of being silent, and I began rebelling against my mother.

I think I threw her into a tizzy the day I finally left home. My mother had kept me in a submissive rut for too many years. She stifled my ability to have friends and had controlled my entire life. I couldn’t take it any longer and after she dared me to leave, I was all too eager to accept the invitation.

After the last yelling match we ever had, I ran to my room in a huff, packed a bag, and left before she even had a chance to know what I was up to. I never looked back and I’ve never once regretted my decision. It felt so good to finally be free. Yes, I was only 18 years old at the time and I hadn’t even finished high school yet, but I was determined to make it on my own and I did.

Still to this day, I find it easy to let go of people in my life who try to drag me down; especially those who try to control me. And I feel so awful for the people around me, who let others get away with controlling them. I also have no room for people who really don’t want to be a part of my everyday life and those who would rather keep me at arm’s length. I lived that sort of life for far too long and life is too short to live like that again.

I suppose that’s why in the last year, I’ve turned to writing poetry. I can say what I want, without anybody really knowing what I am actually writing about. I can be serious, funny, or completely imaginative. That’s the wonderful thing about writing, I can tell any story I want, true or not, and I don’t have to answer to anybody for it. This is what I love most about blogging and this is why I continue to write.

WordPress has become sort of a home away from home for me. It allows me to share my daily burdens and pain, along with my hopes and dreams for the future. It’s the only place I can really share my heart completely and not be told to keep silent. There’s freedom in being able to share one’s deepest thoughts and desires and there’s happiness in being able to express one’s ideas and viewpoints without criticism. So thank you to all of you for being such good listeners and for offering your love and support along the way. It’s meant the world to me. ~M

Day 13 of our 21 day adventure

November 11, 2015October 22, 2015 ~ ~M ~ 1 Comment

Today we left Vegas and we are driving out to Pahrump to visit relatives. Upon arriving, we are greeted with warm inviting hugs and all decide to sit outside in the patio. It’s earlier in the day and the cooler air is a welcoming change from the Las Vegas heat that we have been dealing with for the last 7 days.

Aunt Bobbi gives us a tour of her vegetable garden and some of her plants. Poor Uncle Dave is pretty much bed ridden at the moment and so we are leaving him to rest quietly in the house. After a few hours of talking and catching up, we know we must leave, since we are meeting my brother David up near Mt. Zion today.

I am really excited about visiting Mt. Zion National Park. I had a dream several years ago that left me puzzled and searching for answers. After having the dream, I searched the internet for clues and I somehow came across pictures of Mt. Zion. After viewing the pictures, I realized that I had in fact dreamt of Mt. Zion, even though I had never actually heard of or seen this place before. Since then, I always knew that somehow… someday… I would visit this place. I am so excited for what may happen and I am curious if anything will spark a resemblance to my dream.

After a couple hours of driving, we catch our first glimpse of Great White Throne Mountain, located in Mt. Zion National Park. Its huge white peak stands out against the other red mountain peaks that surround it. I immediately get tears in my eyes as I recognize this particular mountain peak from my dream. I try to hide my tears, not wanting Brian to notice this sudden change in my emotions. It’s hard to put into words how I am feeling at this moment. All I can say, is that I know I have been here before. In my dream, I clearly saw what I am seeing now and I can hardly believe my eyes. It’s been 11 years since I had that dream, but I can still replay that dream in my mind as if I had just dreamt it.

It’s mid-afternoon now, and my brother has been waiting for us for a couple of hours. We pull into the Quality Inn, which is located in Springdale, UT. The parking lot is almost non-existent, and the people at the front desk aren’t the nicest people that I’ve ever met, but still… the room turns out to be nice and clean and I feel happy that we made the choice to stay here. There’s a pool right outside our room that looks inviting and on the other side of the parking lot is a crowded RV park.

After texting my brother to let him know that we have arrived, we meet up with him and my nephew Levi who is 6 yrs. old. It’s really good to be able to see them and visit with both of them. This is the first time that I am able to see my nephew Levi and he reminds me of my youngest daughter Autumn who is almost the same age.

We are all very hungry since it is now close to dinner time, so we decide to walk down the street to see if we can find a place to eat. We find a restaurant called “Wiley’s Ranch” and decide to try it out. I am surprised when we get our menus at how expensive everything is. My brother and I decide to order the fish, which ends up tasting like it’s straight from a box. The fish is so salty that I can hardly continue to eat it. I don’t like to complain though and since we paid so much for the meal, I try to eat as much as I can.

I’m enjoying getting to see my brother for the first time in about 8 years. It’s hard not seeing my family very often and I wish that we didn’t live so far away. I don’t have any of my family living near me and it has been this way for the last 21 years. I often find myself trying to forget them, so that it doesn’t hurt so much being away from them. I am thankful for this time that I can spend with my brother and nephew. I can only imagine the fun adventures that we will have this coming week.

Day 12 of our 21 day adventure

November 4, 2015December 21, 2015 ~ ~M ~ 4 Comments

After several suggestions by the locals, we have decided to visit Mt. Charleston. The weather is similar to yesterday. A few clouds are hovering over the mountains, but they don’t seem to stick around for very long. After about a 30 minute drive, we are now pulling into the visitors’ center. The views from here are spectacular and there are hardly any other tourists in sight. The serenity of this place suits me and I can’t get enough of the panoramic landscape that engulfs us. After a quick stop in the gift shop and after speaking with the attendant about where she would suggest that we go for an easy hike; we are finally on our way to see where the road takes us.

After following the winding road a short distance up the mountain, we finally pull into the parking lot for the trail-head that will lead us up to Mary Jane Falls. The last part of the name sparks our interest, as Brian and I both live for waterfalls! The map we have with us, shows that the trail is 3 miles long and explains that the elevation of the mountain is 9200 feet. In order for us to reach the top, we will have to climb 1100 feet. This sounds like a fun challenge and so we gather up our supplies and prepare for what seems like a fairly easy climb.

At first the terrain is sandy and there is a slight incline to the path. The trail is wide open and seems more like a walk in the park, than a hiking trail that eventually leads to a waterfall. As we continue further, we see a father with his three young children. He has one child strapped to his body and the other two are running free. After speaking briefly to the man, we learn that he hikes this trail by himself every year with his kids. I think to myself, well… if he can do it with three kids, this should be a piece of cake!

Hiking a bit further, we start to pass a slew of fallen trees and dead underbrush. The trail begins to get narrower and the path is littered with small jagged rocks. We are now at what looks like the beginning of the actual trail. Looking up towards the top of the mountain, we see nothing but switchbacks for as far as the eye can see. I start to feel like I have bitten off more than I can chew. I love a good hike, but I am not really sure that I am prepared for this.

I really love nature and have always loved a good adventure. This is one of the reasons why I joined the Army when I was 19 yrs. old. After going through basic training, nothing else has ever seemed as hard. Of course that was 24 years ago and I am not in the same physical shape that I once was. But because of my determined mind set, I never say no to a challenge. So with pep in my step, I decide to brave the mighty mountain. I think Brian is probably thinking that I will never make it, which makes me even more determined to prove him wrong.

The whole way up, people keep telling us that it is just a little bit further and with every step I hope and pray that they are right. The temperature has dropped significantly and I pull my sweater a little closer to my body, trying to shield myself from the brisk wind that is coursing through the trees around us. After about two hours, we finally turn the last bend. At last we see the waterfall that we’ve been so excited to find. This was the one thing that kept me from turning back; the thought of seeing this amazing beautiful waterfall! I am deeply disappointed by what I see though. Apparently because of the recent drought, the waterfall has all but evaporated and there is just a tiny trickle of water flowing from the top of the mountain peak.

There’s a couple of caves that we can see from where we are standing. One of them is actually right behind the waterfall and there are people getting ready to camp for the night. It’s getting really cold up here and starting to drizzle out; I wonder how these people will ever stay warm up here all night. The rain starts to come down harder now and before we know it, it’s actually hailing on us. Once we hear thunder, we know that it’s time to go.

We race down the mountain as fast as we can. The steep incline has made the trail slick and the loose rocks threaten our ability to balance. I lose my foothold several times and do more sliding down the mountain than anything else. I am thankful when we finally reach our car about an hour later. The rain has now stopped and I am thoroughly exhausted, but exhilarated at the same time. I have completely surprised myself by making it all the way up the mountain and back down. It’s the first time in years that I feel I have actually accomplished something that I really didn’t think that I could do.

Feeling famished now from all the strenuous activity, we decide to head back down the road to a park that is listed on the map. Upon arrival the place looks like a nice spot to have a picnic lunch and so we decide to get out and do just that. It hasn’t even been two minutes since we left the car and the rain is beginning to pour. With the flood gates now wide open, we scurry back to the car and decide instead to head back to the visitors center. By the time we make it back there, the rain is still pouring and so we decide to eat our meal in the car. The view is still lovely, even through the pouring rain.

Once we are done eating, we drive back to the resort. We have tickets for the Brad Garrett Comedy Club show and we can’t exactly go there dressed as we are. After arriving back at the resort, cleaning ourselves up and eating a quick snack; we finally arrive at the comedy club. The place is smaller than I had expected and each couple is seated at a table for two. They first thing the waitresses do, is come around and take our drink orders and ask us if we want to buy a $12 bag of popcorn. I will never get use to the prices of things here in Vegas. They really do rob you blind, especially when you find out later that the cocktails are $11 a piece!

The show was really funny and three different comedians gave appearances. Unfortunately it wasn’t Brad Garrett’s night for entertaining. All in all though, the show was good and I was disappointed when the fun had to end. I am left wondering at this point how much longer I can continue this daily routine of being on the go, non-stop. These long days are finally catching up to me, and I am almost relieved that we are leaving Las Vegas in the morning.

Day 11 of our 21 day adventure

October 28, 2015October 20, 2015 ~ ~M ~ 6 Comments

I’m still laying here in bed contemplating the day. I am thoroughly exhausted after hiking all day yesterday and part of me just wants to stay here and lounge around for the remainder of the day. Brian looks like he could use a break as well. I know that I can’t waste my time here though. After all… we only have ten more days away from our simple life back home and I really want to relish every day that we have before the adventure ends. It’s not that I don’t have plenty of adventure back home, it’s just a different kind of adventure… one that involves two huge dogs, one small rat, two girls that tell me every day how happy they are that I’m their mom, a husband that works crazy hours for the Army and my job as: mother, teacher, and wife… and everything else that falls under these three categories.

I slowly drag myself out of bed and as soon as I finish getting ready, Brian starts to get ready too. After several attempts to leave the hotel, we are finally on our way. We’ve decided to go to Shark Reef today and then see a show at the Excalibur Casino called: Tournament of the Kings. After stopping for mochas to help us wake up, we take a wrong turn down Las Vegas Boulevard and find ourselves temporarily lost. Mandalay Bay is our first destination and I hope to win big; just like I did several years ago. Unfortunately, today is not my lucky day, and we head to the Luxor to see if our luck is better there. Still no luck… it appears that this trip is just not panning out for us and I feel foolish for wasting our money.

Back to Mandalay Bay we go after losing what should have been saved for future bills back home. Finding Shark Reef is next to impossible, since the crowds are still lurking about leftover from the 4th of July. We finally spot the ticket booth and make a beeline for the mile long line. As we scurry over, a young couple approaches us and asks us if we are planning to buy tickets for Shark Reef. Of course we tell them that we are, and they explain that they have two free tickets that they would like to give away and they ask us if we would like to have them. I look at Brian and he looks at me. I think we are both sharing the same thoughts about this. I wonder if this is for real or a joke. After all… who just comes up and gives someone free tickets that would otherwise cost $40? We end up graciously accepting the tickets and head for the entrance to Shark Reef.

As we stand here in line, I think both of us are wondering if the tickets are actually real. As we get closer to the entrance, I feel weird for not having to pay. When we finally reach the entrance, the tickets are well received and to my surprise, they actually work to get us in. I am still in disbelief by the whole encounter and I am feeling grateful that we were delayed and took that wrong turn earlier this morning. I know that if we hadn’t taken that wrong turn, we would never have been in the pathway of the lovely couple that gave us these free tickets. This kind of thing seems to happen to us all the time, and I am always amazed at how God provides for us even when I make stupid decisions like foolishly gambling away money that I should have saved.

Shark Reef turns out to be kind of a letdown and I am relieved that it didn’t cost us $40 to get in. Isn’t that the way it always is though? The first time you visit a place it always seems more amazing and exciting than the second time you go. Why is that? Has the initial wow factor worn off? Or do things really just change that much? I can never really tell… It’s like eating sugary treats nowadays versus when I was a kid. For some reason, nothing seems to taste as good as it did when I was a little girl. Has the product changed or have I? I wonder if I will ever know…

It’s later in the day now and off to Tournament of the Kings we go! This is a dinner show and sounds like it will be a lot of fun. As we enter the arena, we are seated at a long banquet table near the front. Before long, the entire place is full and everyone is being served dinner. The fun part is… utensils are not allowed. Because of the medieval theme, we are required to eat everything with our hands, just like ladies and knights did back in medieval times. Not long after we receive our dinner, the games begin! Jousting is the chosen sport and we watch as the men are knocked off of their horses. The crowd is asked to take part in motivating the kings by yelling encouragements to spur them on. The show is exciting and ends all too soon.

Heading back to the car, we decide to try our luck one more time at the Luxor. Brian and I sit down at a Dungeons and Dragon game, which happens to sit two people at once. We agree that this is the final slot machine that we will play for the day, and we agree to gamble $5. The next thing we know, the machine awards us a winning ticket for $30! We’re so excited that we have finally won something!

With the night still young, we head back to the resort and check out the pool area which is on the fourth floor of the resort. We haven’t had a chance to see what the pool is like yet, and want to see the observation deck as well. Unfortunately, when they built the resort, they put the observation deck facing away from the strip and towards the airport instead. What a waste of a good view…

After enjoying the cooler night air for a little while, we head back to our room and watch a little bit of television. I am surprised to see that the only show that I really care to watch is actually on at the moment. So I plop myself down to watch the remainder of the Bachelorette. It’s Katelyn’s season and I am hoping that she picks Nick. It’s a nice way to unwind after a long day and the first normal thing I’ve done in the last eleven days.

Day 10 of our 21 day adventure

October 21, 2015December 21, 2015 ~ ~M ~ 4 Comments

It’s 6:00 a.m. and stifling in our room! After checking the thermostat, I realize why it feels so hot in here; it’s 80°! I quickly call maintenance and a man shows up within a few minutes to check everything out. It turns out that our room needs a new condenser unit and until then, we are without AC. Lovely… I think to myself. The good thing is, we aren’t going to be in our room very long today and the maintenance guy promises that by the time we get back, everything will be fixed.

We hurriedly get ready so that maintenance can come and do their thing. We escape to the bagel shop to pick up a few sandwiches to take with us for lunch. After ensuring that we have plenty of water and supplies for the day ahead, we make a beeline for Red Rock Canyon where we will be hiking for the majority of the day.

I am surprised to see that the temperature has dropped about 20 degrees and I notice storms on the horizon that seem to evaporate as quickly as they appear. After driving for about 30 minutes, we are finally at our destination. The rock formations are filled with color and radiant in their beauty. As soon as we find the first look-out site, we stop and begin to explore. The first area is steep and there isn’t much of a trail. The valley below us is full of large boulders and there are quite a few people climbing down into the deep gorge. Brian and I begin to climb down the rocky path over-looking a large ravine. We’ve only been here 10 minutes, and already the rain has begun. We find a shallow cave to crouch under and wait for the rain to quit. It isn’t long before it’s bright and sunny again.

I am excited to see what’s next and we travel further up the road. After finding a quiet picnic area and finding a place to park, we take a look around. We spot some potential trails, but nothing that looks like they are very well traveled. After closer inspection, I spot what looks like a trail leading back through some brush and rocky bluffs. The trail is hard to follow and at one point the trail seems to come to an abrupt end. I scoot myself up over a large boulder to get a better look and notice a small trail continues just beyond the thick brush and boulders that are blocking our way. Up over the boulder we go; tree branches dangle down all around us and it’s a tight squeeze through the low lying limbs. Eventually we manage to find the narrow trail and follow it until we reach a narrow enclave that now really does end abruptly.

I notice how beautiful the walls of the rocks are here and looking up I can barely see the sky because of the narrow rock walls that surround us. I notice some pegs that are hammered deep into the stone and realize that we are standing in the middle of what must be a very well-known climbing spot. There are climbing pegs everywhere. I wonder how anyone can scale these walls. The way the walls curve inward, would make it hard for anyone to get a foothold. The stone is cut so smooth, that without the pegs, I am sure nobody would be able to climb these walls. After spending a few minutes soaking up the scenery, we decide to head back to the picnic area to eat our lunch. It’s starting to sprinkle again and the rain feels refreshing.

After eating, we find our way back to the car and stop several more times to get out and take pictures. Eventually we spot a place that looks like a great hiking spot and opt for the 2.5 mile hike. The trail is narrow and very steep; weaving its way up and down through the valley. Before long, we realize that we have been hiking for quite a while. The trail has been forking off into different directions and we are convinced that we have lost our way. The only thing we can do is to find another trail to take us back. Unfortunately every way we turn, just seems to take us deeper into the valley and away from our car. With no other ideas and unsure of which trail we originally took to get us this far, we decide to go off the trail and walk back in the same direction in which we came. It’s slow going because the sand is soft and heavy. With every step we take, we sink further into the ground. Fortunately, we can see the road from where we’re at and so we are able to find our way back using the road as our guide. At last we return to the car, beaten down from the sun and tired from walking through the heavy sand.

I surprise even myself when I suggest that we stop at one more look-out. We stop at a place that overlooks the entire valley of Red Rock Canyon. The area is very open and treeless, with just a few small bushes scattered about. I decide to climb down from the look-out area to see what else can be found. All of a sudden, I notice several rocks stacked up in various places. I realize quickly that we are in what appears to be a memorial area. There are several rocks with names carved into them, with smaller rocks stacked on top. I decide to participate and gather up some stones to create my own rock sculpture. I feel sad for the people whose memories cover this place. I even wonder to myself if there are actually people buried here. The way the rocks are set up everywhere, it looks like there very well could be people buried beneath them. It’s an eerie thought. After contemplating such things, we are now heading back to the resort.

Back in our room, I notice that the temperature is now even higher than it was before we left. The maintenance guy assured me that everything would be taken care of, but obviously something is still wrong. I inquire at the front desk and learn that the problem was never reported by maintenance and so nobody had done anything to remedy the situation. The maintenance guys are great and fix the problem right away. Now everything is working again and we are happy to have a break from the warm Nevada air. The staff is very kind to us and surprises us with two boxes of chocolates for being such good sports about the whole thing.

We are finishing up the night with a quick trip to Red Rock Casino. It’s a short distance from where were at and the place seems less crowded than Las Vegas Boulevard. Still… we’ve been here an hour now and our luck isn’t panning out. It’s time to head back to the resort and call it a night. It was a great day, but an exhausting one too and I am thankful to God for air-conditioning right now!