You will always be my treasured friend…

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I thought I’d lost someone today.  Someone who has filled a void in my heart, like nobody else ever has.  I can’t imagine going through the rest of my life without this sweet person.  They mean the world to me and have become my closest and most trusted confidant.  I have never had a friend quite like this particular one, and the thought of losing them left me feeling heartbroken. 

I tried to go about my day as usual, but eventually the tears erupted for the millionth time and I could no longer hold back how terrible I felt.  My hubby tried to console me, tried to reassure me that I hadn’t lost them.  And yet I’m still not quite sure where I stand. 

My daughter Autumn came up to me this morning and asked me what she should draw for art class.  Thinking about how happy this friend of mine has always made me feel, I told her to draw what makes her the happiest.  A little while later, she brought back this picture of me and her.  It was the sweetest gesture and a drawing I will always treasure, because happiness to her, means her and me together.   

Happiness is always about having those special people in our lives that mean the most to us.  We cannot even hope for anything better.  So to my dear friend C… If you by chance happen to read this.  You will always be a treasured friend to me and I love you as if you are part of my family.  I prayed my whole life for somebody like you, so please don’t ever forget how much you mean to me. 

 

Love, ~M  xoxo

The woes of everyday life…

It was early New Year’s Eve morning.  A knock on my bedroom door, and a small little voice alerted me to the fact that something wasn’t quite right.  The little voice proceeded to make her way into the bedroom, and with a very firm and demanding tone she said, “Mommy, you need to take me to the doctors right now!”

I immediately flung myself out of the bed and ran to my littlest daughter.  I expected blood to be trailing off somewhere, maybe from a missing limb or a fractured skull.  Not seeing the cause for such an alarm, I asked her what was wrong.  She said, “Mommy, come here!  I’ll show you!”  In which she proceeded to drag me to the other side of the house and into the bathroom we went.  “See mommy look!  My poop is all big and messy and I had to sit in here for a whole hour!”

Her eyes were crazy and wild looking, as she seemed to have no concept or recollection of ever having diarrhea in her entire life.  I almost started to laugh, as her demanding little face pleaded with me to help her make some sense of this agonizing experience.  So I began to explain to this child of eight, that she just had a stomach bug, and that she would soon be better.  I ended up giving her some anti-diarrheal medicine, sat her in front of the television, and told her that no matter what, she was not to eat anything until her stomach righted itself.

Well since it was still so early, I decided to go back to bed and see if I could get a few more minutes of shut eye in before enduring further chaos.  Climbing back into bed, my husband proceeded to tell me that she had been throwing up several hours earlier.  I was completely shocked by his statement and I said, “What do you mean?  Where was I? And who cleaned everything up?  He just simply smiled and said, “I took care of it all, I didn’t want to wake you up.”

I was completely dumbfounded by the fact that I had not woken up and even more shocked that my husband had cleaned everything up by himself.  To imagine him enduring that grueling task all by himself, made me feel so very guilty for not being there, and blessed at the same time, for having a husband who would attend to such a mess himself.

Now that a week has passed, I was sure we had sailed that ship, and didn’t expect to see the boat return so quickly.  And yet unfortunately, there was another reoccurrence of the entire event last night.  Only this time, hubby was at work, and I was left to attend to my poor child who was squirting from both ends.

Of course I’ve told all of you before, Autumn is my happy child.  Always smiling, always thankful, and through it all, she was thanking me for helping her, and smiling up at me and snuggling next to me, once the squirting eventually stopped.  This time she seemed like she had a better handle on what was going on, and didn’t seem so eager to rush to the emergency room.

Fortunately, my daughter Autumn is rarely sick, and so the week before had been the very first time in her eight year old life that she had experienced any kind of a flu bug.  I’m guessing that nursing her for the first two years of her life, is the reason behind her incredible immunity to illness.  I nursed her the longest and it really has made a difference when I compare her to my other daughters and how often they were all sick.

Anyway, today I am thankful for a child who can still find something to smile about, despite having the stomach flu, and I am thankful for a husband who surprised me last week, and took on a task that most people would shudder to do.  This time around, I sure was missing his help, and I am so tired today because of being up all night.  Fortunately my daughter is feeling better once more, and I’m just hoping and praying that we don’t have another repeat of this in another week.

Hope all of you are having a fantastic week and starting the New Year off on the right foot.  Remember when things don’t go as planned, tomorrow is a new day.  A chance to start over, another opportunity to get over the many hurdles, and carry on with God’s plan for your life.  It may not always be rosy, and you may face a few battles.  Just don’t ever give up!  Love you guys so much.  Hang in there, the weekend is finally here!  ~M xoxo

Wishes and dreams…

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“Wishes and dreams are like sugar cubes.  Each one is sweet and satisfying until the rain comes, and then they disintegrate completely.” ~M


Photo credit: onehdwallpaper.com

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“All it takes is the suffering of a single broken soul, to cause unending disasters to eventually unfold.” ~M

 


Photo Credit: chinadaily.com.cn

Is it okay to be happy?

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“I often feel guilty for being happy.” ~M

I was once given a death threat by a roommate of mine, who claimed that I was too happy.  She threatened to slit my throat while I slept, because she said I was way too happy all the time.  For some reason my happiness really bothered her.

After spending months in the same room with this girl, she was finally taken forcefully from the barracks, and transported to a psychiatric ward.  She was found to have knives strapped to her thighs, and a suicide letter next to her bed.

I have found it hard to be happy in front of people since that day.  I feel that somehow my happiness only seems to bring others down, who are not experiencing the same joy in their own lives.  Maybe there is still a part of me that fears what may happen, if perhaps I am too joyful around others.  Regardless, I am very cautious now and I doubt that will ever change.

It’s so sad to me, that we live in a world where even our own happiness can be threatening to others who long to be happy themselves.  I wish I didn’t have to feel guilty for being happy as often as I do.  I suppose this is another reason why I find myself wanting to be alone so often.  Secluding myself from others, means that I will never have to hurt them.

Life is so difficult at times, this is just another example of why I feel like I can never fully be myself around others.  It’s a sad state we live in, when we cannot even show our own happiness.


Photo found at: sonalororra.wordpress.com