Such is life…

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“And just like that, her freedom was gone, as reality whooshed back in.”  ~M


Photo credit: pixabay.com

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What inspires you?

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What inspires you?

This is the thought running through my mind today as it’s been nearly a month now since I’ve had any inspiration to do much of anything. It’s as if a light switch has been turned off inside my brain and I almost feel as if all of my emotions have left me. I think it’s very difficult for a writer to write anything when they feel emotionless. Especially as a poet, we live for emotions and all the wonderful words that spill out of hearts and minds. I think I’ve shut off a lot of my emotions because it somehow seems easier that way. I’ve also found myself pulling away from people more often. There are a few who I still let in, but for the most part, I don’t really share what’s going on in my life. As I get older, there seems to be so much more drama, and I suppose I’ve been feeling the need to sort of rid myself from all of that. I call it self-preservation, and I know it’s simply necessary at times.

I don’t feel in any way like I am suffering from depression, even though it may look that way to outsiders. I’m actually feeling very content right now, just to be alone and to reevaluate my life. I’ve been homeschooling my girls for 12 years, and even though I love the time I have with them, I still miss my career in Biotechnology more than ever. It’s hard being a mom sometimes. I’m pulled in so many different directions. I’m often not sure which path to take, but I always try to put my girls first in every long-term decision that I make. And yet now that they’re getting older, and my two oldest daughters are married and starting lives of their own, I’m finally taking the time to consider what I want for a change.

I really want to work outside the home again. I honestly miss my 60 hour work weeks because I truly did love my job, and I’d like to find another job that I can enjoy just as much. I’ve recently enrolled back in school, and at 46, I think I’m one of the oldest students in my class. But it matters not, I’m determined to start a second career even at my age. This time around I’m pursuing a degree in digital media and web design. I’ve been saying for years that I wanted to get into web design but didn’t think I could afford the cost of school. After checking into it though, I found out that I qualified for government grants, and I also applied for a scholarship. And between the two, I haven’t had to pay a dime. So now I sit here wondering why I waited so long to take the plunge and I’m practically kicking myself for not doing it sooner.

The good thing is, I’m doing it now, and I’ve got to stop looking back and just keep moving forward. I feel as if time is running out in some respects. It’s almost like there’s this invisible force pushing me along, telling me to hurry up before it’s too late. Sometimes it helps me to get away and quiet myself for a few days, and so I’m currently sitting all alone in a lovely cottage in the woods. It’s absolutely beautiful here, and I’m finding that this is probably the first inspiring day I’ve had in a very long time. The sun is shining through my window, and I’m so thankful to have this time to reflect and hopefully turn the light switch to inspiration back on. I’ve got three more days here to figure out how to do just that and determination is starting to settle in. It’s blessings like these that keep me going. I hope all of you are having a very blessed week as well and I’d like to know, what inspires you? ~M xo


Photo credit:  pixabay.com

Final Project – Week 8

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Well here it is, my final drawing for the 8 week course I’ve been taking.  I think I did a decent job with this class, especially considering I haven’t drawn much of anything in nearly 30 years.  Still not sure if I’ll continue with it, but if I do, I will likely try to illustrate some of my own books.

It’s snowing here again in Wisconsin, and although it’s pretty, I still wish spring would stop teasing us.  On the upside, it certainly does make for a great day of creativity in some form or another, which I’ll most likely take full advantage of.  Anyway, hope everyone is having a great weekend!    ~M xo

Would you rather?

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I was just playing one of my favorite games with my girls tonight called, “Would you Rather.”  It’s a great question and answer game and for one of the challenges my oldest daughter had to come up with her own question.  She asked this… “If you had the ability, would you rather change something in the past for the better or something in the future?  And as I thought about this question, I thought I’d rather change something in the future, because the idea of changing the past always makes me wonder if I’d likely then screw up the future.  But then my youngest daughter had this perspective, she said she’d rather change something in the past because in that way it would likely fix something in the future as well.  So in her mind, she was killing two birds with one stone.  Lol… She is always so much more optimistic than I am.  I suppose it’s a gamble either way no matter what choice is made.  What would you do and why?

Light and Shading – Week 5

 

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Every week, I feel like my projects get more difficult, and as simple as this one looks with just a couple of boxes and a ball, it really was my most difficult project yet.  This one was sketched using a 2B and 6B graphite pencil and took a couple of days to complete.  I’m just relieved that it’s done, and feel like I could still spend a few more hours perfecting it even now.  However, I’ve already turned in this project for the week and I’m ready to never have to look at this one again!  Lol…

Quick update…

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Hey Everyone,

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything and so I thought I’d give you all a quick update.  I haven’t been shirking my blogging responsibilities out of choice, just been really busy because I’m back in school now and it’s taking up a lot of my time.

So today, I wanted to share what I’ve been doing in one of my classes.  I decided to take a fun class to begin with, and here’s one of the drawings I recently completed.  It’s been so much fun getting back into sketching, which I really haven’t done much of since high school (which was 30 years ago), but it’s slowly coming back to me.  Anyway, it’s always good to revisit the things we used to enjoy, all in order to see if we still find pleasure in them years later.  I’ll try to share more photos of my work from time to time.

Hope all of you have been well.  I’ll try to catch up on reading all of your blogs as soon as I can.  And if there’s something I’ve missed that you’d like to share with me, then please leave a link to your post in the comments below.  I always love it when you guys share things with me like that.  😉

 

Fight Song – Rachel Platten

Not too long ago, my best friend asked me what my go to song was, and I’ve had to give it some thought because I’ve never really had one.  But after giving it some thought and listening to quite a few songs today, I decided to pick one for the days when I need a “go to” song.  So here it is, the one I finally decided on.  There’s so much I’ve gone through in my life and I’m sure there’s a lot more to come, but I know I can’t give up.  Which makes this the perfect choice for me.  Enjoy!  😉

“Fight Song”

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

Losing friends and I’m chasing sleep
Everybody’s worried about me
In too deep
Say I’m in too deep (in too deep)
And it’s been two years
I miss my home
But there’s a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe

And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

This is my fight song (Hey!)
Take back my life song (Hey!)
Prove I’m alright song (Hey!)
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong (I’ll be strong)
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

No I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

 

Anywhere But Here – SafetySuit

“Anywhere But Here”

Is this the end of the moment or just a beautiful unfolding
Of a love that will never be or maybe be
Everything that I never thought could happen or ever come to pass and I wonder
If maybe, maybe I could be all you ever dreamed, cause you are

Beautiful inside, so lovely and I can’t see why I’d do anything without you, you are
And when I’m not with you, I know that it’s true
That I’d rather be anywhere but here without you

Is this a natural feeling or is it just me bleeding
All my thoughts and dreams in hope that you will be with me or
Is this a moment to remember or just a cold day in December, I wonder
If maybe, maybe I could be all you ever dreamed cause you are

Beautiful inside, so lovely and I can’t see why I’d do anything without you, you are
And when I’m not with you, I know that it’s true
That I’d rather be anywhere but here without you

Is this the end of the moment or just a beautiful unfolding of a love that will never be for you and me
Cause you are

You’re beautiful inside, you’re so lovely and I can’t see why I’d do anything without you, you are
And when I’m not with you, I know that it’s true
That I’d rather be anywhere but here without you

Writer: Douglas Hamilton Brown