How can I forget?

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I’ve got the past, present, and future all on my mind today. I keep trying to overcome the past, but the present just won’t let me forget, which makes the future look like it’ll just be more of the same. And I’m so tired of thinking about the past. Most days, I wish that somehow I could forget everything, and then perhaps I could overcome and heal from the things that have been weighing heavily on my mind. But no matter what I do, or what I try, I can’t forget the hurts, the struggles, and the reality of my life. I still think that it’s possible to overcome the past, but I think in order to do that, I need to face those issues head-on and stop sweeping them under the rug.

I’ve been on WordPress for five years now, and I have made some amazing friends, but the majority of you don’t really know me. I have been a closed book for a very long time, and that is mainly because I’ve been trying to protect my family and friends from knowing what’s really been going on. Sometimes I feel like it makes things worse to be open and honest with the ones you love. I think most people would say that some things should never be talked about because they are just too hard for most people to handle. But because I’ve been keeping things bottled up, I feel like I’m almost at my breaking point now. I’ve been mostly dealing with everything on my own, with very little support from anyone except a few close friends. And I feel like I don’t even want to tell my close friends everything because I don’t like overwhelming people with my problems. Everyone already has enough to deal with in their own lives, and I don’t want to be the kind of friend who heaps on more. I think this is why I’ve alienated nearly everyone from my life. I’ve been afraid that if I stayed close to anyone, that I might accidentally explode and reveal all of the things that I’ve been trying to work through.

After thinking things over while I was on vacation this month, I feel like I am only doing myself an injustice by not saying anything, and I’m on the verge of baring my heart and soul to everyone. I know I have already lost the majority of the connections with my family and friends, and so I don’t think I could do any more damage than I already have. But at the same time, I am still trying to protect my immediate family from some very damaging issues. I’ve been wanting to see a counselor, and discuss some of these issues there, but I’ve tried to find someone in the past, and our insurance wouldn’t cover the cost of those visits. So I’m sort of in a weird dilemma right now. I feel like I need to start talking about all the things that I should have addressed years ago. I think talking about them, and getting them out in the open is the only way to fix anything. I’m still not sure if writing about all of this on my blog is the best approach, but I need to do something; I just wish I knew what to do.

~M

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Rob Thomas – Little Wonders

“Little Wonders”
(from “Meet The Robinsons” soundtrack)

Let it go
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don’t you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These small hours still remain

Let it slide
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And I don’t mind
If it’s me you need to turn to
We’ll get by
It’s the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These small hours still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But I can not forget
The way I feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain

 

Would you rather?

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I was just playing one of my favorite games with my girls tonight called, “Would you Rather.”  It’s a great question and answer game and for one of the challenges my oldest daughter had to come up with her own question.  She asked this… “If you had the ability, would you rather change something in the past for the better or something in the future?  And as I thought about this question, I thought I’d rather change something in the future, because the idea of changing the past always makes me wonder if I’d likely then screw up the future.  But then my youngest daughter had this perspective, she said she’d rather change something in the past because in that way it would likely fix something in the future as well.  So in her mind, she was killing two birds with one stone.  Lol… She is always so much more optimistic than I am.  I suppose it’s a gamble either way no matter what choice is made.  What would you do and why?

Little Do You Know – Alex & Sierra

Little do you know
How I’m breaking while you fall asleep
Little do you know
I’m still haunted by the memories
Little do you know
I’m trying to pick myself up piece by piece
Little do you know
I need a little more time

Continue reading “Little Do You Know – Alex & Sierra”

A Thousand Years – Christina Perri

 Just remember this… ❤️

“A Thousand Years”

Heart beats fast
Colours and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone,
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don’t be afraid.
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don’t be afraid.
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don’t be afraid.
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

Writer(s): David Hodges, Christina Perri


Dedicated to you…  I have died everyday, waiting for you…
I have loved you for a thousand years, and I’ll love you for a thousand more… ❤️  ~M xoxo

#MidnightMadness – 5/9/2017

Every night at the dinner table, we have somebody pose a question.  Tonight my daughter asked… “What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?”  My husband immediately chimes in… “Nope, there’s not enough time in this life for that one!”  And straightaway he looks right at me and smirks.  Lol….

Here’s a few of them I’ve written about… what do you think, is he right?  😉

The Narrow Escape

It was the year 2117…

A dream that I will never forget…

Premonition

The Vision

Another Vision

 

 

#MidnightMadness – 4/4/2017

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Every night at the dinner table, one of us poses a question for everyone to answer.  Tonight my daughter Autumn asked this one; she said,

“If you could go back in time, how far back would you go, and why?”

So now I’m asking you… my fellow blogger friends.  How would you answer this question?  For me, I don’t know if I’d go back at all since I’m not quite sure what I would hope to accomplish.   ~M