Thoughts and Perspectives From the Mind of a Common Girl
Photo found at: boredpanda.com
Well I’m back blogging again, quicker than I expected. After the news I received today, I feel like I can’t just waste my time feeling sorry for myself. I am facing a physical battle right now, which has caused me to think seriously about my life and what I should be doing at the moment.
Whenever we’re faced with something that could possibly take us from this world, I think most of us generally start taking life a little more serious. We often straighten up and start acting the way we should, because we realize that we may not have much time left to leave a lasting impression on this world. And don’t we always hope that when we finally do go, that we will leave a good impression? Well, I certainly do… and I feel like I need to live out my God given purpose in this life, because I know it’s what I’ve been called to do.
Taking yesterday off from blogging just about killed me. I still wrote a poem, I still journaled, and I also wrote a trillion other things that just needed to escape my brain. Now that I think about it, I probably wrote more yesterday than I normally do. Most of it isn’t anything I would ever share with anyone, but it was good to have a day to write about how I was feeling and just kind of let it all go.
Writing for me has become very therapeutic and I’ve realized that without sharing it with all of you, it sort of takes away some of the fun of writing in the first place. I don’t have a crowd of people at home that I can talk to, and so you guys have really become like family to me. It’s normally very quiet here, but after yesterday… I realized how quiet it really is, and how truly lost I would be if I didn’t have all of you to talk to here on WP.
So with that said… this regularly scheduled program of “putting my feet in the dirt” is back. I just want to say one more thing before I end this post; please don’t be too concerned about my health. I know I’m in good hands. Jesus has saved me from so many terrible situations in my life already, and I know this is just another one of those times which I will get through. Have a very Happy 4th of July weekend and don’t stop living the life that God has called you to live. He has a plan and a purpose for every single one of us. Find your purpose and live it!
Love, ~M xo
This is a really tough day for me and I hardly know where to begin. I have been struggling with so many issues over the past couple of years and last night they all came crashing down on me. Right now, I feel hopeless, lost, and completely out of sorts. I have been doing everything in my own power, trying to hold on to the tiniest bit of hope, and yet that last bit of hope finally escaped my grip last night and I wanted to completely give up.
I wanted to give up everything and I wanted to forget everyone. As the night progressed, I finally just spilled everything I had been holding onto for so long. All the pain that’s been bottled up inside of me, all the disappointment, all the regrets. All of it came out and my heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces.
Still today, there does not seem to be any relief after all that was discussed. Everything is still a complete mess and I can’t imagine how any of it will ever be resolved. The hurts run too deep, the pain seems to be more than I can bear, and I don’t feel like I will ever recover. I have alienated too many people from my life, tried to forget everyone and everything for so long now. And because of it, I feel like I am left with this huge hole in my heart.
In the process of trying to forget everyone, I seem to have forgotten who I am too. I feel as if I can’t change any of this and cannot seem to mend what’s been broken. I have allowed things to go too far, to get too out of control and my health is declining as well, which I know is completely my fault.
I have debated for months now as to what I should do, and after last night and just how close I was to giving up completely, I feel like I need a break to figure things out. As hard as this is, I have decided to give up blogging. I am not sure if this will be permanent or temporary, my brain can’t think that far ahead. But for now, I just need to get my head and my heart in sync with one another and figure things out.
I am closing comments on my blog and may be deleting my social media accounts as well. I will leave my blog up for now, but may remove it in the future. I wish the best to all of you and I hope that you will be happy in your lives and always put God first. Without Him we are nothing, and you will go down this barren road like I am right now if you don’t put your hope and trust in Him alone.
Love you all so much and I will really miss you. ~M xo
Photo credit: newheavenonearth.wordpress.com
They say a picture is worth a thousand words…
I think this more or less sums up my week. Oh well…. here’s to hoping next week is better!
Putting My Feet in the Dirt 