It’s been quite a few years since I decided to have a personal relationship with Jesus. In fact, it’s been about thirty eight years. I can still remember the moment my mother sat me down and asked me if I wanted to ask Jesus into my heart. I was five years old and surprisingly well beyond my years when it came to spiritual matters. We said a prayer together and I remember feeling quite comforted to know that Jesus would be with me for the rest of my life.
When I was sixteen years old, I rededicated my life to Jesus through baptism. It was a big step for me, but I wanted everyone to know that I was ready to make a life long commitment to serving God and also to show others how important living for Him was to me. As I grew older though, it was so hard to stay focused on God and avoid the temptations that I was constantly faced with. I gave in so many times to lustful relationships and just figured that there was no turning back. I felt so much guilt for what I had done, that I felt unworthy to ever face God again.
After getting married, I struggled even more with my relationship with God. I started to think that maybe Jesus wasn’t really who I thought he was. Maybe my life of going to church and being brought up thinking that Jesus was my savior was all wrong. I especially struggled because my husband did not have the same beliefs as me and we constantly disagreed on anything spiritual. He hadn’t grown up in church and he really had no idea why anybody would want to go in the first place.
I finally decided that I needed to find out once and for all what the truth really was. So I searched long and hard for answers to my questions. I questioned everything to the point of almost not wanting to believe in anything. I loved my husband so much, and I think I had almost resigned myself to the fact that if he wasn’t going to be in heaven with me because of his unbelief, than I didn’t want to be there either. I couldn’t imagine spending eternity without him and I had pretty much given up on the idea that he would ever have a relationship with Jesus.
I had almost given up all hope, when my husband lost his job and he thought that his life was over as a result. I didn’t know what to do to help him through his feelings of worthlessness and all I knew was that I had to pray. I was so scared that he was going to wind up doing something drastic and I prayed to God that He would keep him safe. A little over a week after my husband lost his job, he accepted Jesus as his Savior. Seeing the miracle that God performed in my husband’s life, really opened my eyes and helped me to see that I had been on the right track all these years. I just needed God to remind me of what he was capable of doing and he did that through my husband.
I am still in awe every time I think of the miracle that God showed me. He took hold of my husband’s hand that day, when he was so distraught and discouraged from losing his job. He led him home to me, and showed him the path to salvation. God never stops amazing me and I don’t see how I could ever possibly doubt his existence again. He is so real to me and closer to me now than he has ever been before. I think God saw that I was slipping away from him and he knew that by showing me a miracle, that he could reassure my faith in Him. It just goes to show that God really does see everyone. He knows our struggles, each and every one of us. And in time, if we wait upon him, he really does direct our paths.
Proverbs 3:5, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.
2 Corinthians 5:7, For we walk by faith. Not by sight.
2 Thessalonians 3:5, May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ.