Tag: children

Him Vs. Her – Manipulation

~ ~M ~ 20 Comments

tugof_war_teens

Have you ever been manipulated by a family member? Perhaps even one of your own children?

We have four beautiful girls. All of who are very intelligent and sweet. Yet over the years, my husband and I have been manipulated on several occasions by those same sweet girls. It started off innocently enough at first. One of girls would say something like, “Mom, can I have a cookie?” My response… “No, it’s too close to dinnertime.” Five minutes later…. “Why are you eating that cookie? Didn’t I tell you it was too close to dinnertime?” Daughter’s response… “Well… I asked Dad, and he said I could.”

This is just all too typical of how things usually go. If the kids ask me something and I say no, they immediately run to dad to see if he will say yes, and vice versa. During the early years in our marriage, this was a huge problem for us. I would get mad at hubby, thinking he should know better than to give one of our girl’s cookies before dinnertime and then he would get angry at me, since he really couldn’t see what all the fuss was about. Of course this is just one simple scenario; as the girls got older, saying yes to cookies was the least of our problems.

Years passed by and we still hadn’t figured out that by allowing our girls to manipulate us, we were creating some serious problems for our marriage. There would be times when the kids would make plans with me to do something, fully knowing that their dad wasn’t ok with it, and then I would get blamed for allowing them to do whatever it was their dad had already said no too. This scenario of course went both ways. This caused a lot of resentment to build up in our marriage. The girls eventually figured out which one of us was the most likely to give them the answer they wanted, and so then they would use that knowledge to their advantage.

Hubby and I made the mistake of letting this continue on for too many years. If we had been smart, we would have learned sooner to communicate better and make all of our decisions together as a family. Unfortunately, with the way our work schedules were back in those days, we really didn’t take the time to communicate with each other like we should have. Because of this, our relationship with each other and the relationships with our girls really did suffer.

Fortunately, we have since learned, if one of our girls asks us for something, we make sure that they haven’t already been told no; and any really important decisions, always get discussed together as a family. We have found that by sitting together at dinnertime, we now have the opportunity to discuss things which are currently going on. It’s the perfect time to make future plans for upcoming events and it helps keep everyone on the same page.

Do you struggle with this in your own family? And if so, what have you done to try and remedy the problem?

 

Photo credit: http://www.blogbigtime.com

The world needs your compassion

~ ~M ~ 4 Comments

mother and son holding hands

I was recently talking to a friend about children with disabilities and immediately my mind was flooded with memories of the past. During my high school years, I had a friend who had foster children in her home. Most of the children had disabilities and were very hard to care for.

When I would visit my friend after school, there was always a new baby or child to be cared for and I fell in love with each and every one of them. I remember one boy in particular named Jeffrey. The poor child suffered from Elephant Man’s disease. This disease causes horrible tumors to form anywhere on the body and gets worse as the person gets older. Because of this, there was little hope of Jeffrey ever becoming adopted; the medical expenses alone were just too much for anybody to manage.

Jeffrey had been a child who had lived on the streets since the moment he was born. His mother suffered from a mental illness and his father had Elephant Man’s disease just like Jeffrey. By the time authorities noticed his family was living on the streets, the situation was dire and Jeffrey had many siblings who were sent to foster homes as well. None of the children had ever been properly cared for, because the parents could barely take care of themselves.

When my friend’s mother took in Jeffrey, he could barely talk and mostly just grunted when he wanted something. He was extremely hyperactive and threw tantrums if he didn’t get his way. It was so hard for him to communicate his needs to her because he had never been taught how to. As difficult of a child as he was though, they loved him well and he began to thrive in their home.

If memory serves me correctly, Jeffrey was five years old by the time somebody decided to adopt him. Jeffrey was going to need lots of surgeries because of his medical condition and so there was no possible way for my friend’s mom to adopt him. The medical expenses were just more than she could afford. So with much sadness, they had to give Jeffrey away, after taking care of him for several years.

Thankfully the couple that decided to adopt him, could afford to take on the responsibility of his medical expenses. They were never able to have children of their own and when they saw Jeffrey, they immediately fell in love with him. Fortunately this story had a very happy ending, but there are many children out there who don’t have anyone to care for them and who never get adopted.

With that said, I would like to encourage each and every one of you to make a pledge to help a child in need. It doesn’t take much, to make a difference in a child’s life. I sponsor a child through Compassion International and I have found this to be a great organization. We are supporting our second child through the program now, and oh what a blessing it has been! Both of the girls we decided to support are from Uganda.

just-feed-oneOur first child (Nalule) eventually grew up and had to leave the program. I cried when I opened our very last letter from her and saw a picture of her sitting behind her brand new sewing machine. She had been able to buy the sewing machine, because of our last financial gift that we had given to her. We hadn’t given her much and yet she was actually able to start a business with our help. I was overwhelmed and excited to know that we had been able to make a difference in the life of a girl, who might have otherwise ended up in whole different situation. It was hard to let her go in God’s care, but after seeing that last final picture, I knew she would be alright and I know without a doubt, that God is still looking after her.

We are now supporting a little girl who is 6 years old. Her name is Joy, and we get letters and drawings from her quite frequently. It is so amazing to watch these little ones grow and it’s nice to be able to send letters of encouragement to them.  So please, if you will, consider helping a child in need. Whether it be by adoption, foster care, a program like Compassion International, or some other avenue, please help if you can. Give up your coffee a few times a month and think of supporting a child instead. It doesn’t take much to make a huge difference.

 

 

Quote found at: feednations.com

Photo found at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com

 

Motherhood

~ ~M ~ Leave a comment

Mama Holding Caleb

“Distant memories of cherished loved ones lay vivid in my mind, while new found love captivates my heart.” ~M  xo

 

Photo found at:thetengletrio.blogspot.com

The Wonderful Grime of Life

~ ~M ~ 12 Comments

frazzled-mom

“There will eventually come a day, when greasy little handprints and slobbery dog kisses will be permanently erased from my windows. I know it sounds crazy… but I will surely miss those days.” ~M

 

The Innocence of a Child

~ ~M ~ 9 Comments

IMG_9924

“You can’t see Jesus because He’s in your heart saving you.”  ~By, Autumn Cook, age 6

It’s 7:30 a.m., the alarm has gone off or should I say… run in.  Yes, it’s my little three year old Autumn running into my bedroom, early as ever to snuggle with Mommy before we start our day.  She goes to the end of the bed, makes her way over the mess of covers, and climbs underneath to get warm.  I keep trying to pretend that I’m asleep so that maybe I can get about five more minutes of rest before I have to get up.  I can feel her squirming restlessly next to me and sighing heavily as if to say “Mommy get up already!”  So I start to open my eyes and this cute little face with a little button nose is staring right at me and asks me this question, “Mommy? Jesus isn’t in here.”  So I say, “What do you mean?”  She proceeds to put her hand just above her belly and says once again… “Jesus isn’t in here!”  I start to become intrigued wondering if she is asking what I think she is.  Does she want to ask Jesus into her heart at the age of three?  So I asked her, “What do you mean? Do you want to ask Jesus to come into your heart?”  She nods and says quietly “Yes, I do.”  So I proceed with telling her to repeat after me and we say the sinners’ prayer together.  When we are through though, she opens her eyes, puts her hand near her belly again and says to me, “Mommy, Jesus is still not in here.”  I start to say, “Well… of course He is!  You just prayed and now He is with you forever!”  She looks over at me, moves her hand about 4 inches up from where she had been resting it before and exclaims, “Oh Mommy!  There He is!”  I about died laughing, not knowing that the entire time she was thinking that the beating of her little heart was what tells her that Jesus is with her.  It’s moments like this that Mothers cherish forever.  I love you my little Auti and Jesus is with you now and forever.

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us. We know that we live in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. ~ 1 John 4:12-13