#MidnightMadness – 10/18/2017

vintage-1823469_960_720

For health class today, we were discussing attitudes between children and their parents.  We had to read a cartoon about a girl and her mother having a fight and then learned how they resolved their conflict.

I said to my girls… “I think it’s really great that I hardly ever have any conflict with you girls.  You always seem to do what you’re told and I never seem to have a problem with either one of you.”

Then I decided to ask them why they always behave so well.

Brianna said, “Because mom… we know better than to get you upset with us.”

I said, “Why, do I rule with an iron fist?”

Brianna said, “Yes mom, you really do, but at least you rule us with a cute, adorable, iron fist.

Such a sweet talker she is!  Lol…  😉


Photo credit: pixabay.com

Him Vs. Her – Manipulation

tugof_war_teens

Have you ever been manipulated by a family member? Perhaps even one of your own children?

We have four beautiful girls. All of who are very intelligent and sweet. Yet over the years, my husband and I have been manipulated on several occasions by those same sweet girls. It started off innocently enough at first. One of girls would say something like, “Mom, can I have a cookie?” My response… “No, it’s too close to dinnertime.” Five minutes later…. “Why are you eating that cookie? Didn’t I tell you it was too close to dinnertime?” Daughter’s response… “Well… I asked Dad, and he said I could.”

This is just all too typical of how things usually go. If the kids ask me something and I say no, they immediately run to dad to see if he will say yes, and vice versa. During the early years in our marriage, this was a huge problem for us. I would get mad at hubby, thinking he should know better than to give one of our girl’s cookies before dinnertime and then he would get angry at me, since he really couldn’t see what all the fuss was about. Of course this is just one simple scenario; as the girls got older, saying yes to cookies was the least of our problems.

Years passed by and we still hadn’t figured out that by allowing our girls to manipulate us, we were creating some serious problems for our marriage. There would be times when the kids would make plans with me to do something, fully knowing that their dad wasn’t ok with it, and then I would get blamed for allowing them to do whatever it was their dad had already said no too. This scenario of course went both ways. This caused a lot of resentment to build up in our marriage. The girls eventually figured out which one of us was the most likely to give them the answer they wanted, and so then they would use that knowledge to their advantage.

Hubby and I made the mistake of letting this continue on for too many years. If we had been smart, we would have learned sooner to communicate better and make all of our decisions together as a family. Unfortunately, with the way our work schedules were back in those days, we really didn’t take the time to communicate with each other like we should have. Because of this, our relationship with each other and the relationships with our girls really did suffer.

Fortunately, we have since learned, if one of our girls asks us for something, we make sure that they haven’t already been told no; and any really important decisions, always get discussed together as a family. We have found that by sitting together at dinnertime, we now have the opportunity to discuss things which are currently going on. It’s the perfect time to make future plans for upcoming events and it helps keep everyone on the same page.

Do you struggle with this in your own family? And if so, what have you done to try and remedy the problem?

 


Photo credit: http://www.blogbigtime.com

Him vs. Her – Conversation

man-ignoring-woman

I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but I have recently decided to bring a bit more diversity to my blog, and I’ve been trying to come up with some suggestions for different topics to write about. So this morning, I had this brilliant idea to ask my husband if he would share his thoughts about what I should write about. He did give me a couple of great ideas; he suggested sharing my recipes, or writing movie reviews. Of course I don’t watch very many movies, and cooking and baking are such a chore already; neither one of these topics seemed very appealing to me. So then an amazing thought came to my mind, why not write about his thoughts? I imagined writing about something that’s important to him, something perhaps he has always wanted to share, but has never been given the chance to. I figured each week, I could write about a topic of his choice and through this, perhaps learn a little bit more about what makes him tick and hopefully have some great conversation in the process. Sounds like a good idea, right?

So I proposed the idea to him like this… I said, “Honey, why don’t I just have you as the topic of my blog every Thursday morning? You could talk about something that is really important to you, something you would like others to know from a guy’s perspective.” He looked up at me with a look that said, tumblr_mil7elNW4w1rm06tco1_400“What? Are you kidding me?” So then I said, “Oh come on…. if you could voice your opinion and speak on a certain subject, what topic would you choose to discuss?” He responded with these three words… “Peace and quiet.” Of course I started laughing… I mean, what did I really expect from the man who sits in his recliner most mornings, vegging out to re-runs of NCIS, Walking Dead and playing Bubble Bit@h Witch on his kindle. Did I really think he would have something more to offer, as far as insightful conversation goes? In the entire 22 years we’ve been married, he has never been much of a talker, so I should have known better than to propose such an outlandish idea.  Oh I love my husband, I really do… he has so many other amazing qualities, but what I really wish he would do, is talk to me more.  This is the main thing our relationship lacks, and to me it’s a pretty big deal.

In my experience, men seem completely content to go into their “nothing box” and stay there for as long as they’re allowed. 7c4406b41eedbdf6fc455b9c301267f3This of course drives women crazy, as we desperately want to have meaningful conversation and not feel like were always being ignored. I have met a few men that could carry a rather decent conversation, but it is always short lived; and why is this? Why doesn’t meaningful conversation ever last between men and women? I suppose since men are less emotional than women, maybe they just can’t handle the emotional attachment that comes with long drawn out conversations. I’m guessing it wears them out to the point of exhaustion and then they just can’t keep it up. Guys speak up here… Am I right? Are we wearing you out?

I can tell you one thing though, when men shut women out like this, it has a very negative impact on us. We feel hurt, abandoned, and unloved. We were made to be a helper for our husbands; this was the entire reason God made us in the first place and so we try our best to do this. Unfortunately we don’t often feel appreciated for what we do and so then we withdraw and leave our men wondering why suddenly we don’t want anything to do with them anymore. Guys please hear what I’m saying… you can’t just want us when it’s convenient for you; women are not okay with that. So if your wife wants to talk to you and have meaningful conversation, listen to her and say something meaningful back.

And for all you women out there… stop trying to talk to your man during the wee hours of the morning. You can’t expect him to comprehend anything you’re saying when he is tired and not thinking clearly. Your words will fall on deaf ears! bigstock-Snoring-man-Couple-in-bed-ma-31765232He will quite literally fall asleep on you! I know because I have made this mistake all too often and then I’ve been disappointed because of it. Oh and don’t follow him into the bathroom… men hate this more than anything else. That’s his private throne room, so stay out! I think it boils down to this… meaningful conversation leads to good communication and without this, our marriages are sure to fail. So talk to each other when you have the opportunity and make the effort to spend time with one another. If you want to be happy, it takes both of you to make it happen.


Photo 1 – sabusinessindex.co.za, Gif – wifflegif.com, Quote – Pinterest.com, Photo 2 – valleysleepcenter.com