Him vs. Her – Conversation

man-ignoring-woman

I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but I have recently decided to bring a bit more diversity to my blog, and I’ve been trying to come up with some suggestions for different topics to write about. So this morning, I had this brilliant idea to ask my husband if he would share his thoughts about what I should write about. He did give me a couple of great ideas; he suggested sharing my recipes, or writing movie reviews. Of course I don’t watch very many movies, and cooking and baking are such a chore already; neither one of these topics seemed very appealing to me. So then an amazing thought came to my mind, why not write about his thoughts? I imagined writing about something that’s important to him, something perhaps he has always wanted to share, but has never been given the chance to. I figured each week, I could write about a topic of his choice and through this, perhaps learn a little bit more about what makes him tick and hopefully have some great conversation in the process. Sounds like a good idea, right?

So I proposed the idea to him like this… I said, “Honey, why don’t I just have you as the topic of my blog every Thursday morning? You could talk about something that is really important to you, something you would like others to know from a guy’s perspective.” He looked up at me with a look that said, tumblr_mil7elNW4w1rm06tco1_400“What? Are you kidding me?” So then I said, “Oh come on…. if you could voice your opinion and speak on a certain subject, what topic would you choose to discuss?” He responded with these three words… “Peace and quiet.” Of course I started laughing… I mean, what did I really expect from the man who sits in his recliner most mornings, vegging out to re-runs of NCIS, Walking Dead and playing Bubble Bit@h Witch on his kindle. Did I really think he would have something more to offer, as far as insightful conversation goes? In the entire 22 years we’ve been married, he has never been much of a talker, so I should have known better than to propose such an outlandish idea.  Oh I love my husband, I really do… he has so many other amazing qualities, but what I really wish he would do, is talk to me more.  This is the main thing our relationship lacks, and to me it’s a pretty big deal.

In my experience, men seem completely content to go into their “nothing box” and stay there for as long as they’re allowed. 7c4406b41eedbdf6fc455b9c301267f3This of course drives women crazy, as we desperately want to have meaningful conversation and not feel like were always being ignored. I have met a few men that could carry a rather decent conversation, but it is always short lived; and why is this? Why doesn’t meaningful conversation ever last between men and women? I suppose since men are less emotional than women, maybe they just can’t handle the emotional attachment that comes with long drawn out conversations. I’m guessing it wears them out to the point of exhaustion and then they just can’t keep it up. Guys speak up here… Am I right? Are we wearing you out?

I can tell you one thing though, when men shut women out like this, it has a very negative impact on us. We feel hurt, abandoned, and unloved. We were made to be a helper for our husbands; this was the entire reason God made us in the first place and so we try our best to do this. Unfortunately we don’t often feel appreciated for what we do and so then we withdraw and leave our men wondering why suddenly we don’t want anything to do with them anymore. Guys please hear what I’m saying… you can’t just want us when it’s convenient for you; women are not okay with that. So if your wife wants to talk to you and have meaningful conversation, listen to her and say something meaningful back.

And for all you women out there… stop trying to talk to your man during the wee hours of the morning. You can’t expect him to comprehend anything you’re saying when he is tired and not thinking clearly. Your words will fall on deaf ears! bigstock-Snoring-man-Couple-in-bed-ma-31765232He will quite literally fall asleep on you! I know because I have made this mistake all too often and then I’ve been disappointed because of it. Oh and don’t follow him into the bathroom… men hate this more than anything else. That’s his private throne room, so stay out! I think it boils down to this… meaningful conversation leads to good communication and without this, our marriages are sure to fail. So talk to each other when you have the opportunity and make the effort to spend time with one another. If you want to be happy, it takes both of you to make it happen.


Photo 1 – sabusinessindex.co.za, Gif – wifflegif.com, Quote – Pinterest.com, Photo 2 – valleysleepcenter.com

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35 thoughts on “Him vs. Her – Conversation

  1. I sure hope this does become an every Thursday installment, because I thoroughly enjoyed it,Michelle.😁 And I couldn’t agree more about the utmost importance of good communication.

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  2. Absolutely true and that is why I have a falling marriage, I have learned to live without him, I’ve learned to manage without him because we stopped talking years ago! I.loved the story though, it’s sharing awareness..

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    1. Thank you! I think this is the main complaint I hear from most women. My mother used to blame it on the t.v. and threatened to eventually throw the t.v. out the window. I’ve been tempted to try that myself. 🙂 Don’t you kind of wonder what it was like a few hundred years ago? What were men preoccupied with back then? I don’t think they intentionally ignore us, they are just easily distracted.

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      1. Hmmm they’ve chopped wood, they’ve sowed the vegetables, they’ve smoked their pipe and kept her pregnant lol…I don’t think it was very different. They’re less sensitive and we’re overloading at times but there has to be a balance. Some consideration from both sides..it a continuous work in progress..:-)

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  3. So so much in this space. Best though to stay in prayer for your husband and whatever you do never try in any way shape or form to alter, change or effect change in, to, of, or,& for him without the leading of the Holy Spirit.
    Ask me how I know?
    So my wife and I were going on the big 10 or so. I was immersed in career, home, cars, stuff and always happy to invest the minimum time with her to attend church and do as many as possible ” cultural norms” associated with what at the time we both believed qualified us( or at least me so I thought) as Christians.
    We both had come from radically dysfunctional families. Both having loads of woundings, blockages, failures, baggage, junk and stuff & generations past of failed marriages and us as well.
    Both of our first marriages were likened to cooking pancakes. You always burn the first one and wind up throwing it away.
    So I am in my home office one night after she goes to bed. Door closed, kids asleep and surfs up on the internet. She bolts in to tell me that Jesus just told her to tell me to change the channels I am surfing on. When you have to get off of a web site in a hurry you just never can as fast as when you don’t have to …. So she said that this was not acceptable. I had been lured in to viewing stuff that I had once seen my father involved in. Porn. Na I could change and eventually get out of this junk….. or so I thought and attempted to convince her that I could.
    It was only about two or three weeks later that she burst in again on me but this time I was not caught. She said to me that she is totally giving up on me and that she had just shared with Jesus she was quitting trying to change me. I was shocked and at the same amused to learn if she had anything else to share.
    She did but waited for me to ask her… so what does this really mean? She replied after she told Jesus that she quit he responded to her and said.It is about time you stopped trying to change him. Now that you are out of my way I can now finally get some work done in his life.
    WOW things began shaking on all fronts. He started out with a bang and spoke to me in a loud and booming voice to tell me to build three churches. It sounded like one of those Cecil B Demil movies when he spoke to Moses. Wind blowing, earth shaking and clouds building.
    I did not know what to think except to say I don’t know how to do this. So I put it on the shelf for a year until He pulled me out of my business to begin building the three churches he told me to build.
    But before he let me build he had to strip me bare.All stuff was going going gone!
    During the ten years that followed and just after the third church broke ground we were allowed to look back at the road he had taken us on.
    Spiritual training,warfare, healing and deliverance divine connections for training to real Apostles anointed by God, who had been trained and equipped by Yeshua himself. Not by man as is the common case today but by Yeshua himself face to face to be taught a timely message titled ” The Church Awakening Message”. In this message there are scriptures which define the four churches. Dead, Sleeping, Sleep walking and Glorious Church.
    Than after he trained us Yeshua sent us a real prophet with a real ministry of angels. Every late night in our home while he was ministering and also teaching us our children used to complain the next day that they were kept from sleeping as they could hear the whirring of like wings of birds flapping.
    It was not until later after we were able to see them that we could explain that what they were hearing were the angels doing God’s work in the house.
    This prophet walked in creative miracles, so our children saw and experienced this not to mention the hundreds if not thousands of solid God moments and experiences along the way all to solidify that our relationship to God was transformed from that of a slave to a son.
    Just after the third church broke ground he whispered to me(after learning how to obey he did not have to boom loudly as when he gave me the build 3 church instructions). He softly and non chalantly told me that I had built the first three churches. Dead, Sleeping and Sleep Walking. I was shocked but could look back to see each of the tell tale characteristics.
    After I had this painful revelation he told me to now build the Glorious Church and that it begins and ends with his people as they have to be built but only as he directs.

    I share all of this to make a point to you and every wife out there to stop trying to change or modify your husbands.

    Lodge your complaint to the King of the universe. put in your notice to quit and get out of his way as he can and will do some very amazing and glorious things!

    Not just because he can but because he loves us and will do amazing things. Especially when he is left to do them on his own without interference.

    Can only say that he truly is an amazing God.

    Keep praying for your husband.(s)

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    1. Thank you… I learned long ago not to try to change my husband and I really don’t want him to change. I really do love him the way he is. I just want to spend more time with him and talk to him more. He reads everything I write on my blog and after reading this, we had a good laugh and he’s been spending more time with me. When I can’t communicate with him by talking, I write to him. Sometimes it’s easier to communicate with him by writing things out. Thankfully he really enjoys reading. 🙂 Part of this was written as my way of teasing him, as we sort of had an inside joke going, since I told him what I was going to write about before I wrote it. I just had to quote his lovely response to me about the “Peace and quiet”. We both had a good laugh over that one! It’s just such a typical response from him and he wouldn’t be “him” without a response like that. 🙂

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      1. Your verbal expressive gift is so much more fluid than his. He has what we know as a mercy or servant gift. Paul writes about them in Romans 12:4-7.
        What he gets is usually deeper than what those with the verbal expressive gifts usually get. We really enjoy ministering in groups of people with his gift set as not only are they less likely to receive or share as much as the verbal expressive types but they also process prophetically different. What they get slowly bubbles up as opposed to the verbal expressive who hear, see and sense and are usually the first to share. His gift set can be studied in many of the characters throughout the bible. David had this gift. we have an entire teaching on this if so led to review it. You both will be amazed if led to review.

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          1. Summary grid illustrating these gifts. we have 1 or 2 dominate, Yeshua had all 7. We can also as we discover more about them. They are listed in order with each of their gifts, and their correlating aspects of their plus and minus characteristics. If you recognize any or ones that you can identify with chances are this or they are your dominant gift. Each aspect is a teaching within itself. All part of the Glorious Church message as was imparted to us which is an e- mail file if led to receive?
            Redemptive Gift
            Foundational Principles
            Demonic Stronghold
            Root Iniquity
            Essential Virtues
            Curses on the Birthright
            Blessings needed for Effective-ness
            Prophet
            Design
            Fractured Relation-ships
            Someone Came Against The Rights of Individuals
            Being a Re-builder
            Aramean – Can’t Get Justice
            John the Baptist – Favor
            Servant
            Authority
            Victim Spirit
            Obtaining Peace at Any Cost
            Walking In Dominion
            Moabite – No Help Getting Started
            Esther – Secure Borders
            Teacher
            Responsibility
            Religious Spirit
            Walking in Selective Responsibility
            Sanctify-ing His Family
            Philistine – Lacks Key Resources
            Daniel -Supernatural Strategies
            Exhorter
            Sowing & Reaping
            The Cult of Comfort
            Denial
            Embracing the Pain
            Canaanite – Oppressive Work Load
            Moses – Time to Develop Finest Abilities
            Giver
            Stewardship
            Ownership
            Control
            Walking by Faith
            Midianite – Seasonal Devouring of Money & Family Relationships
            Job – Accruing Capital
            Ruler
            Freedom
            Predator Spirit
            Exploitation
            Being Life Giving
            Jothan’s Betrayal from Within
            David – Synergistically Life-Giving Institutions
            Mercy
            Fulfillment
            Self-Gratification
            Stubbornness
            Pleasing God, Not Man
            Ammonite – Barrenness
            Apostle John – Possessing Your
            Birthright

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  4. Similarly to several other comments, I am the writer of my family; but my wife is the talker. I have the “big ideas,” but she has the social grace and the oral dexterity to carry an effective conversation. Together, we make a great team! I can, when forced, open my mouth and sound intelligent; but I prefer the time to consider, organize, and present a cohesive argument to just throwing out the first thing I think of. She can smoothly operate on my level as a reader and editor when I write; and operates more capably as a speaker. When the conversation turns, however, to feelings and decisions we have to make together, I often feel at a loss, as she debates with far more agility than I do – but for a longer argument (taking several days or more), I can come back the next day with a mass of organized argument and data. These are some of the differences between us that make us a great match. Vive la difference!

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    1. Thank you for sharing this Paul. I once heard from my pastor that we end up with people that are completely different from us, because we are attracted to those qualities that they have, which we ourselves don’t have. It makes perfect sense and is the reason why opposites often attract. You both sound like the perfect match! 😉

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  5. My husband is the quiet one. He doesn’t have to say much to get his point across to the kids. But I wish he’d talk more to me. You hit the nail on the head, Michelle, when you said we feel “unloved”. I finally told my husband that, even though I know how very much he loves me. But it’s not really unloved, it’s more the difference in interests that causes the space. So we have both been trying to share in each other’s ‘differences’. So far, so good 😊

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    1. It really is a difference in interests and I’m glad you brought that up. Both he and I have so little in common, that it doesn’t leave much for us to talk about. This is why I tried to include him in something I like to do, which is writing. With him it’s hard for me to get very involved with his interests, because he really doesn’t have very many. He likes to work out at the gym (which is his time alone and so I don’t tag along) and other than that, he mainly watches t.v. or reads. So it’s hard to find things to discuss.

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      1. Exactly. My husband is the outdoor type. Loves camping, fishing, etc. me… Drop me off for room service along the way lol. I tend to be a loner, I am that brooding writer. When we do find common ground, it’s just us. And after 35 years together (30 married). I’m okay with that

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        1. I think I enjoy the outdoors even more than him. I have to drag him along to do those things. He just doesn’t have the motivation to plan anything adventurous. Of course we both like comfort too. I think an Rv would suit both our needs.

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  6. I’m the more outgoing between my wife and I, but get us in a party or social engagement and she can keep going way after my batteries are worn down and I’m ready to go. She says hardly anything, but somehow likes the buzz. I say plenty, but small talk is wearing and social engagements are usually mostly small talk.
    Fortunately, from time to time, Friday nights for example, we’re both up for some good conversation. At this deeper level, it’s hard for either of us to lay the chatter down.

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    1. I am more of an intovert in social engagements and my husband is definitely more outgoing than me. I like to keep a low profile at a party. I always try to disappear into the background like a wallflower and count the hours down until we can finally leave. I am surprised by how much more my husband talks to me when we are completely alone without the kids. A few days away and we are much closer. I guess this gives me hope that our future will be secure even after the kids move out.

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      1. This rings true. Us males are usually not too intimately expressive in the presence of others, even close others. Those quiet times, are ones where we can feel more free to be ourselves.
        Personally, though I’d be comfortable standing up in front of a meeting without hesitation, I usually save close details to one-on-one conversations.

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          1. Behind every successful man is a good woman. Encourage him along those lines, but don’t nag. It takes some time for these things to sink in and wake up.

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            1. That’s not long. I hope it works out for the best for both of you. Keep encouraging and supporting. It might not feel like you’re accomplishing much, but that trust factor is the biggest component of opening up.

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  7. Ha! This was really fun to read. Sounds about right! Communication between men and women can be hard, because it is so vital to women, but men tend to be less verbal with their communication. We also speak different languages, so we can overwhelm men in conversation. Words, words, words, stop pouring your words all over me! Something that helps to take the edge off is talking to other women and realizing that men are not like girlfriends, they do not fulfill the same role in our lives. And men of course can always pay attention to the fact that women need communication, to be heard, that is what helps us to build intimacy and loyalty.

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