“Some people miss so much because they’re afraid to take a chance.” ~M
Photo credit: Pixabay.com
Photo credit: Pixabay.com
Delirious from the injections they continually dosed her with, she lay in a hazy fog in a room not much bigger than the bed she was lying in. The room was completely bare; all potential threats removed. Night and day, all she could do was stare at a blank white ceiling and try to imagine herself somewhere else. Nurses came and went, checking on her every thirty minutes. Most were uncaring and oblivious of her plight, and yet there was one nurse in particular who seemed especially fond of her.
Tonight she was confronted with a new face. A surly woman with a tight grey bun marched into the plain room. The woman looked as if she could do a fair amount of damage when met with any kind of obstinance. Susanna didn’t dare take such a risk and instead lay there on the bed, willing herself to look as uninterested as possible. The woman went about her business with military precision and then finally made her way over to Susanna. Abruptly, the woman announced that she would be moving Susanna back to her original room and told her she would be strip searched and partially sedated during the process.
Without warning the needle was forcefully thrust into her arm, as if she were merely some sort of animal being injected out of obligation. The nurse then demanded she get up at once and proceeded to shed her of her clothing. During the grueling ordeal, the nurse stripped Susanna of her dignity as well. After being thoroughly violated, she was ordered to put on a threadbare robe and given a few seconds alone. The nurse then headed into the bathroom, to complete the remainder of her tasks. This brief moment was all Susanna needed, as she realized the door to her room had been left ajar. Now was her chance to finally escape the confines of this prison, which had held her captive for longer than she could even remember.
In a flash, she flew out of the room and headed for the emergency exit. The door flung open and the brisk icy cold air met her head-on. It was the middle of the night and the ground was blanketed with a new fallen snow. A full moon hovered eerily over the old brick asylum; causing Susanna to shiver more from the fear she was experiencing than from the wintry weather itself. Her senses told her she should run for her life and yet she stood there for a moment contemplating where she should go. The hospital was surrounded by a dense forest which was nestled in the valley of a widespread mountain range. Off in the far distance, Susanna spotted a large clearing atop an imposing hill. An old boarded up mansion could easily be seen; seated at the top of an icy snowcapped peak. Without hesitation, she decided to run for the large estate and hoped she would be able to find safe refuge there.
She ran as fast as she could, not even daring to look back. Yet as she continued her trek through the foreboding forest and eventually up the massive hill, an eerie sensation came over her. It was as if someone were right next to her and yet when she turned to look, nobody was there. She felt the strong presence of at least one person, maybe even two; yet none could be seen. The drugs were starting to take full effect and she began to feel dizzy and disoriented. Trying her best to shake off the feeling that she was being followed, she neared the grand house and realized for the first time just how enormous the place really was.
The mansion looked to be hundreds of years old and because of its current decrepit condition, the thought of going inside filled her with panic and dread. With no other choice, she continued up the icy slope, hoping to find a way inside. The house was built in such a way, that it teetered on the edge of a cliff with its backside almost level with the peak of the hill; thus Susanna was able to easily climb onto the snow-laden roof. She then proceeded to a small window, where she was able to peel away one of the boarded up shutters which led to the attic. She then slid herself down, into what appeared to be a child’s playroom.
The room was dimly lit and to her great surprise, a little blond boy was standing at a small table, playing with his train set. He wore blue knickers and suspenders to match and looked up inquisitively at Susanna. She motioned for him to keep quiet and his blue eyes smiled back at her. He seemed pleased by her presence and yet the next thing she knew, the little boy suddenly vanished into thin air. Startled by his sudden disappearance, Susanna began to look for a place to hide. During her thorough exploration of the large room, she was able to find a small wall panel hidden behind a chair.
Susanna immediately pried off the wooden panel to explore what was behind it. It appeared to be nothing but an old storage area. The vacant space appeared to be too small a place to hide in. She began pressing against the boxes which were blocking her way, and realized that what looked like a small confined area, was actually an opening to a much larger room. Thus, the boxes were easily pushed aside, and Susanna then crawled quickly into the dark dusty space.
After carefully setting the panel door back into place and pushing the boxes up against the opening, she crawled as far back into the room as she could. As her eyes began to adjust, she noticed a large pile of old ripped up sheets. She decided to cover herself up as best she could and hope for a positive outcome. Unfortunately, the sheets didn’t cover her up completely and before she even had a chance to find another place to hide, she heard several people enter the attic. There were many loud voices talking all at once and echoing footsteps made their way nearer to her hiding place. After Susanna’s eyes adjusted a little bit more, she noticed another room off to her right. Since it was far too late to go exploring the other room, she laid as still as she could and waited to see what her fate would be.
It wasn’t long before the wall panel was noticed and the searchers made their way into the dark musty room. Susanna watched silently as each person crept closer to her. Once the other room was noticed, most of the searchers headed there; realizing that it was probably a better place for somebody to hide. There was one person, however, who remained in the room with her. She could tell by the sheer size of the person’s silhouette that it had to be a man. Holding her breath for fear of being heard, she said a silent prayer, asking that her presence would go undetected. The man ventured back toward where Susanna lay; crawling on his hands and knees and feeling his way around in the pitch black room. She could see his shadowy figure getting closer and heard his breathing becoming strained.
All of a sudden, the man came across Susanna. She could feel the sensation of his hands, and it was as if he seemed to notice the softness of her body. Still partially hidden beneath the thin sheet, Susanna couldn’t seem to be still another moment and found herself foolishly adjusting her leg. She then knew without a doubt that she had been discovered. The man was now practically on top of her and so she did the only thing that she could think of; she covered his mouth with both of her hands and let out a hushed “Please…” Surprisingly he didn’t utter a single word and instead began to relax his body on top of hers. After looking at him closer, she realized who the man was. It was one of the nurses who had taken care of her at the hospital. He was the only nurse who had ever been kind to her.
Susanna lay there as still as she could; slowly removing her hands, she then stared straight into the man’s eyes. A look of understanding passed between them and somehow she knew that she could trust him. As they lay there in the dark, neither dared say a word. Susanna could hear the others leave one by one, their voices trailing off in the distance; some mentioning the window which she had forgotten to close. It was quite apparent now, that they knew she was here. She wondered what would happen to her if she was caught. She had heard awful tales of those who didn’t cooperate, being taken someplace and never seen or heard from again. And yet here she was, with at least a small speck of hope, literally laying right on top of her. She hoped that somehow, they both would escape.
Written by, Michelle Cook
Based on a dream…
Originally posted: May 25, 2016
Gif credit: orrazz.com
The continuing story… Part 4 can be found here.
Darkness now engulfed her as the wind howled through the trees. Shivering from the cold, Scarlett sat curled up under a large tree; trying desperately to shield herself from the gusty winds and pelting rains. The sounds of the forest left her uneasy, and every time she heard a loud noise close to her, she strained her eyes to see what it might be. Completely worn out from the events of the day, she eventually began to doze off. She was soon startled awake when a sudden bolt of lightning struck a nearby tree. Scarlett immediately jumped up, and in her dazed sleepy state, she started running through the forest, scared for her life. As she ran, another bolt of lightning struck close by. For a brief moment, she thought she saw the dark figure of a man. Before she could look again, the light faded and the pitch black forest engulfed her once more. After being left partially blinded by the sudden flash of light and confused by what she thought she had seen, she promptly tripped over a fallen tree, causing her head to hit an old rotting stump. From that moment on, her world became a hazy blur. Her eyes wouldn’t focus any longer, and the sounds of the forest were muffled and faint. She tried to muster enough strength to pick herself up off the forest floor, but at last her body gave way to her injuries and soon only darkness remained.
To be continued… Part 6 can be found here.
Photo credit: myfacebookdp.blogspot.com
Photo credit: pixabay.com
We were running late as usual, just my mom and me. Mom was running around like a chicken with her head cut off and I just stood there wondering what I should do. Eventually she swooped me up under her right arm like I was a football racing towards a goal post. As we raced towards the car (a blue VW bug) in the crowded little parking lot, mom hung onto me as best she could, but I kept slipping further and further out from under her arm until my head was almost touching the wet pavement. She continued to run with me tucked under her arm, and I was thankful when we finally made it out of the rain, and into the car. She dumped me into the seat like I was a sack of potatoes. In under 30 seconds, mom had that car in reverse and we were on our way to the concert. I knew that mom was in a big hurry because she didn’t want to miss her friend who was singing in the church concert. I was a bit scared because we were driving so fast, that I could hardly even see the trees that were just off the road. The streets were in terrible shape. It had been raining for nearly two days straight and I could barely see out of the windows as the glass began to fog up. I sat there quietly in my seat painting pictures on my window. I hoped mom wouldn’t notice or I would be in big trouble. Just as we turned a bend in the road, I saw two lights coming straight at us. Mom swerved into another lane of traffic and tried to stop the car, but for some reason the car wouldn’t stop and the next thing I knew the car was hanging off the edge of the road overlooking a large ravine. My eyes must have been as big as saucers, and when I looked at my mother, she began to cry. I tried to reach for her, and suddenly the car felt as if it were going to topple right off the cliff and into the ravine. My mother yelled at me to remain as still as I could for fear that any movement, even a small amount, might cause our car to plunge right off the cliff. I started to hold my breath and my mother slowly inched towards the door and proceeded to get out. As soon as she reached for me though, the whole car started swaying and she told me to stop immediately and wait in my seat until she could figure out what to do. I of course started crying and felt my whole body get warm. I felt as if at any moment, that I would surely plunge to my death. My mother was frantically looking around trying to figure out what to do. Within what seemed like hours, but in actuality was probably only a few minutes, another car stopped and a women got out to try to help us. She told my mother to have me move into the back seat so that the car would remain more stable with the weight of me in the back. So, I made my way towards the back of the car. The car creaked and groaned as I finally settled into the back seat. A cold sweat ran down my face and I trembled with fear and anticipation of what might happen to me. My mother decided that her only option was to break the back window so that I could climb out. She told me to cover myself as best I could with my jacket and then she proceeded to break the glass with a crow bar that the other woman had found in her car. There was a loud crash, then all I remember was feeling as if a million marbles had suddenly been dumped upon me. The only other thing I remember, is finally being lifted out through the back window and looking down at my feet as they hit the soft earth below. I was finally out and standing on my own two feet. I could hardly believe that I was still alive and then I looked up at my mother, she had begun to scream in terror as she watched our car abruptly fall off the cliff, down into the ravine. I think her terrified scream must have come from knowing that just seconds before, her baby girl had been in that car. I saw her turn white as a ghost and then suddenly she fainted. That is the last thing I remember from that dreadful day and a memory that I will most likely never forget.
Photo found at: destinationdreamsanddogs.com
Photo found at: pinterest.com
My fear of being humiliated started as a young child in Elementary School. It developed over years of being harassed, teased, embarrassed, and sometimes even physically hurt through the abuse of other kids my own age. The humiliation I endured as a child was never realized by either of my parents and even if it had been, I doubt that they would have done much to stop the incidents from happening; not because they were bad parents, just because this was normal school behavior that was commonly accepted back then.
The humiliation that I lived with never ended and only got worse as I got older. The kids I went to school with tormented me to the point that I considered suicide as a teenager. At that time, I tried to reach out to my parents for help, but they didn’t seem to understand the severity of the situation and I think they were almost afraid to even try to help me. I believe it’s by the grace of God that I am even still alive.
I still have a very deep fear of being around people, especially people who I don’t know very well. I get extremely nervous, especially in small group situations where I am forced to answer questions with the rest of the group. Because I had always been shamed in most of my attempts to speak as a child, I feel the same thing will still happen now, and sometimes it still does. Sometimes I find that I even feel panicked enough that I want to run from a room. I find myself always needing to sit near an exit or as close to the end of a table as possible. I always need an escape route, just in case a situation arises that I can’t handle.
I doubt this fear will ever go away. I have hid my fear so well, that I don’t think my own family even realizes how much I still do struggle with it sometimes. I have not overcome my fear by any means, but I think I do a really good job of keeping this fear of being humiliated under control. I often avoid situations where I know I will be vulnerable. I have learned what types of situations to stay away from and which ones are okay. I deal with my fear of being humiliated on a daily basis and jump hurdles as they come.
For some reason, just writing about this has been therapeutic for me. Maybe I have just been trying to bury this fear of mine for too long. It’s best to discuss the things that bother us. It helps us understand why we do the things we do and why we are the kind of person that we are.