Rambling…

I finally started seeing a therapist several months ago, and my therapist has tasked me to try and figure out what I want for myself. I never really think about what I want out of life without first thinking about how my desires will impact everyone else around me. And according to my therapist, this seems to be an area that I need to work on. I place others needs before my own a lot of the time, and I mainly do it because I try to protect my friends and family, and do what seems best for them. I also tend to compare myself to other people, and think that if they’re alright with something, that I should be too. And right now, there are a lot of people telling me that I should be okay with the life I have and appreciate what I have. A lot of people think I should disregard the hard to deal with issues in my life, and just accept everything as it is; but should I? That’s another question my therapist wants me to figure out for myself. And according to him, I need to stop listening to other people and make some decisions for myself. The problem is, making decisions is difficult for me. I grew up in a very strict home, being directed and told what to do every day of my life. I wasn’t allowed to make my own decisions. And so when I was finally out on my own for the first time, having to make decisions for myself, I really didn’t know how to do that. I think it’s funny how our growing up experiences affect us so much later on in life. But this is just one example of how our upbringing can really screw us up. I know my parents did the best they could, but I just wish my mother hadn’t been so darn overprotective. Oh well… I’ve made plenty of mothering mistakes myself. Just ask my four girls… I’m sure they have a million stories to tell. I guess we can only try and do our best. We are only human, after all.

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Even in this…

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“And even in this, there’s good… How else can anyone truly appreciate the abundant blessings in life, unless they are eventually taken away? You appreciate them all the more when you have them again.” ~M


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