“Sometimes all we need is a good cry, to put things into perspective.” ~M
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Tag: happiness
The power of positivity…
Always turn your negatives into positives. Life seems to operate better this way. ~M
Photo credit: Pinterest.com
On the subject of cheating…
Today was a bit of a somber day for the attendees at our local church. It appears that our pastor resigned because of his unfaithfulness to his wife. I am a member of this church, but no longer a regular attender. I have found organized religion to be very frustrating at times and so I don’t go as often as I used to. I enjoy my quiet time at home, worshipping God in my own way, without the distractions from others.
It seems that the majority of church goers these days, are generally just there to keep up with appearances. To me, being a believer is more than just putting on a fake smile and acting as if I’m living a good morally correct life. I don’t need the acceptance of others, and I don’t care if the world loves me without question. God should be the only person who I look to for acceptance. As long as He loves me, I figure I’m good to go, and the Bible plainly states He does, so there’s no doubt in my mind about that.
I do attend church for my children’s sake, because they are home schooled and they like to attend in order to see their friends on Sunday mornings. But still… it isn’t on a regular basis. I used to feel guilty when I would miss a Sunday, but that all changed for me over the years. I started to see the true colors of the people who were there, and it simply broke my heart because of what I witnessed. This isn’t the first church I have attended where things like this have happened and I suppose over the extent of my life, I have just become tired of all the drama.
I can almost guarantee, that after what happened today, half the church will leave and move on to other churches. Each one will feel so disappointed by what they have learned, because of the indiscretions of our head pastor, they just won’t be able to find peace within those walls anymore. And yet, if we could see the hearts of every individual that attends the church, I bet at least three quarters of them have cheated on their spouses before; at least in their thoughts. The thing is, the only difference is, they haven’t gotten caught, and their true desires aren’t seen. We begin to judge people before we even think about our own thoughts and the way we’ve been behaving ourselves.
I myself, have never had a physical affair, nor do I intend to, but the thought has crossed my mind plenty of times. And given the opportunity, I honestly can’t say for sure what I would do. To even admit to this, would probably get me kicked out of the church, and yet many others are thinking the very same thing. I believe none of us are free from the temptations that surround us on a daily basis, and this is the reason that so many of us fail at being obedient and living Godly lives. Even now, my heart has not been in a good place lately. I find myself longing for things, which I should never even consider, and yet I still do.
This topic has been thoroughly discussed in my own marriage. My husband knows that I am struggling to be completely devoted to him and we are trying to work through the problems that we are currently facing. I am not ashamed to admit this, because I know that I am not the only one who is dealing with this kind of situation. I have been very unhappy in my relationship and it has led me down some very tempting pathways.
I honestly don’t think that we are any different from the millions of other Christian couples out there. I am tired of people being shamed for things, when really we should be building them back up, and helping them fix the problems that they are facing. Belittling others doesn’t solve anything and expecting a pastor to be any different than anyone else is completely absurd. We are all sinners and we all struggle, whether we care to admit it or not.
So today, I am feeling sorry for my pastor and his wife. Sorry because apparently their marriage was failing and they couldn’t seem to fix what was broken. It takes two people to make a marriage work, so I will not take sides. I can only hope and pray, that they will now find their way through this mess that they are dealing with, and I think the hardest part will come from the conviction of the church. They will most likely lose friends, possibly family members who cannot understand. Their own children may start to take sides. Who knows…. It won’t be pretty I’m sure and I just hope that they will both come out stronger in the end, for all that they have had to endure.
We never know what causes a marriage to crumble and unless we are in that relationship ourselves, I feel we have no right to judge another person’s marriage. We can offer up helpful solutions and give a word of advice, but even in that, we have to be careful not to overstep our boundaries. I think the best thing we can do, is just pray and let God handle the situation. Each of us have enough of our own existing problems to deal with ourselves.
A wise woman once said…
“Like my daddy always used to say…
Nobody can ruin your day, without your permission.” ~NP Shawn
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Incredibly blessed
As I was heading out from dropping my daughter off at church tonight for Awana, someone stopped me to tell me how well-behaved my daughter always is. It’s so good to hear that your child is well liked by others and acting appropriately when they are away from you. And honestly, I am not surprised by the comment that was made. My daughter Autumn is 8 years old, and one of the happiest children that I have ever met.
She is always smiling, and loves to surround herself with people. It makes it very hard to home school her at times, for I fear that she isn’t getting the social interaction that she requires. And yet by being home schooled, I think it has helped her to stay so well adjusted. She doesn’t have to deal with the kids on the playground calling her names and she doesn’t have to worry about fitting in. She is so happy here at home, that I often wonder what a public school might do to her sweet spirit.
I myself, grew up going to a public school, and I learned from an early age to be very wary of the kids around me. Most of my classmates were affiliated with different gangs in the area, and most would insist that I choose a side. Weapons were routinely brought to school and passed around, which made me feel very unsafe and ill prepared for whatever situation I might be forced into. I felt like an outsider most of the time, since I was one of the few Caucasian girls in my class. It made such a difference, because so often I couldn’t speak their language, and so even if I had wanted to, I couldn’t interact with the majority of the kids around me.
I also grew up in a very poor area of town, and so even during the day, it was dangerous to walk the streets alone. My mother kept me very sheltered because of it, and I wasn’t allowed to do much of anything or go anywhere, because my mother feared what might happen to me if she let me out of her sight for even a minute.
Now that I have my own four girls, I don’t blame my mother for being so overprotective, but I do wish she had been a little less stringent, and perhaps allowed me a bit more freedom than she did. But who knows… by doing that, something terrible could have happened to me, and so I have to believe that she did the best she could, and her over protectiveness probably benefited me in ways, in which I will never fully understand.
On the way home tonight, I couldn’t stop thinking about the comment made about my daughter, and I began to wonder what life would have been like, had Autumn’s twin been born as well. I don’t bring it up very often, but I had a miscarriage early on in my pregnancy with her, and another miscarriage the year prior.
As I think back to that time in my life, I still feel so much grief over losing them. I often sit and wonder about each one; what their personalities would have been like, their potential likes and dislikes, how they would have looked, etc…. And I find myself daydreaming, about how different my life would be now, had they both been born.
It still breaks my heart, knowing that I will never be able to hold either one of them in my arms and rock them to sleep, or sing them a lullaby before tucking them into bed. And when I see my daughter Autumn’s bright smiling face, I just want to wrap my arms around her and never let her go. She is such an amazing blessing to me, as are my other three girls. So today, I just want to say how thankful I am, for the children I do have, and for the loving personalities of each one. I feel amazingly blessed.
Putting My Feet in the Dirt 