On the subject of cheating…

Today was a bit of a somber day for the attendees at our local church.  It appears that our pastor resigned because of his unfaithfulness to his wife.  I am a member of this church, but no longer a regular attender.  I have found organized religion to be very frustrating at times and so I don’t go as often as I used to.  I enjoy my quiet time at home, worshipping God in my own way, without the distractions from others.

It seems that the majority of church goers these days, are generally just there to keep up with appearances.  To me, being a believer is more than just putting on a fake smile and acting as if I’m living a good morally correct life.  I don’t need the acceptance of others, and I don’t care if the world loves me without question.  God should be the only person who I look to for acceptance.  As long as He loves me, I figure I’m good to go, and the Bible plainly states He does, so there’s no doubt in my mind about that.

I do attend church for my children’s sake, because they are home schooled and they like to attend in order to see their friends on Sunday mornings.  But still… it isn’t on a regular basis.  I used to feel guilty when I would miss a Sunday, but that all changed for me over the years.  I started to see the true colors of the people who were there, and it simply broke my heart because of what I witnessed.  This isn’t the first church I have attended where things like this have happened and I suppose over the extent of my life, I have just become tired of all the drama.

I can almost guarantee, that after what happened today, half the church will leave and move on to other churches.  Each one will feel so disappointed by what they have learned, because of the indiscretions of our head pastor, they just won’t be able to find peace within those walls anymore.  And yet, if we could see the hearts of every individual that attends the church, I bet at least three quarters of them have cheated on their spouses before; at least in their thoughts.  The thing is, the only difference is, they haven’t gotten caught, and their true desires aren’t seen.  We begin to judge people before we even think about our own thoughts and the way we’ve been behaving ourselves.

I myself, have never had a physical affair, nor do I intend to, but the thought has crossed my mind plenty of times.  And given the opportunity, I honestly can’t say for sure what I would do.  To even admit to this, would probably get me kicked out of the church, and yet many others are thinking the very same thing.  I believe none of us are free from the temptations that surround us on a daily basis, and this is the reason that so many of us fail at being obedient and living Godly lives.  Even now, my heart has not been in a good place lately.  I find myself longing for things, which I should never even consider, and yet I still do.

This topic has been thoroughly discussed in my own marriage.  My husband knows that I am struggling to be completely devoted to him and we are trying to work through the problems that we are currently facing.  I am not ashamed to admit this, because I know that I am not the only one who is dealing with this kind of situation.  I have been very unhappy in my relationship and it has led me down some very tempting pathways.

I honestly don’t think that we are any different from the millions of other Christian couples out there.  I am tired of people being shamed for things, when really we should be building them back up, and helping them fix the problems that they are facing.  Belittling others doesn’t solve anything and expecting a pastor to be any different than anyone else is completely absurd.  We are all sinners and we all struggle, whether we care to admit it or not.

So today, I am feeling sorry for my pastor and his wife.  Sorry because apparently their marriage was failing and they couldn’t seem to fix what was broken.  It takes two people to make a marriage work, so I will not take sides.  I can only hope and pray, that they will now find their way through this mess that they are dealing with, and I think the hardest part will come from the conviction of the church.  They will most likely lose friends, possibly family members who cannot understand.  Their own children may start to take sides.  Who knows…. It won’t be pretty I’m sure and I just hope that they will both come out stronger in the end, for all that they have had to endure.

We never know what causes a marriage to crumble and unless we are in that relationship ourselves, I feel we have no right to judge another person’s marriage.  We can offer up helpful solutions and give a word of advice, but even in that, we have to be careful not to overstep our boundaries.  I think the best thing we can do, is just pray and let God handle the situation.  Each of us have enough of our own existing problems to deal with ourselves.

28 responses to “On the subject of cheating…

  1. Oh Michelle, I understand! This is a long post, but it’s for you and your husband: https://thetumblelees.me/2011/08/10/chapter-6-prescription-for-the-best-marriage/

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  2. Thank you Debbie…. I will have to take a look at this later on tonight. 🙂

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  3. It’s a bit long….

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  4. It’s ok Debbie…. I usually read after I tuck my girls in bed. I’m sure it’s something I don’t want to miss. 😉

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  5. Praying it refreshes you!

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  6. Thank you Debbie!

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  7. Awesome post. I’m sorry it’s sometimes so hard to find that perfect mix of honesty,forgiveness,and grace within our churches. I have a lovely little church now, but for a while there it was so bad,I really started to think it was me. Like “Lord,it seems like I just walk through those doors and the whole place implodes.” Of course it wasn’t me at all, but I sure started to feel that way.

    One thing that’s really good to keep in mind, “we are the church,” so it’s not really in a building or a particular group of people, it’s in each one of us and how we all reflect Christ.

    As to marriage,well schucks, I’ve thrown in the towel at least half a dozen times over the years. God understands even when others sometimes don’t.

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  8. Very thoughtful and wise

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  9. Thanks IB… and thank you for pointing out the part about “us” being the church. It’s so true, and so many people don’t realize that. We are the body of Christ no matter where we are. And the thing is about marriage, I have taken a vow to never give up and so I try day in and day out… fighting against my own will and trying desperately to listen to what God is trying so graciously to teach me. I have more weak moments than strong ones, and yet still I try… ever fighting the desire to sin. I figure I am my most vulnerable, when I say for certain that I will “never” do something. This just challenges satan to convince me to do otherwise. And so I trudge along… trying my best to hold on to my convictions. It isn’t always easy, but I know everyone struggles just like me. There is comfort in knowing that I am not the only one.

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  10. Thank you Debbie there is so much truth in there. Very wise and very helpful, thank you for sharing. 🙂

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  11. I’m so glad! Hope your husband can read it, too! The book is really the marriage manual straight from the Bible!

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  12. Did my comment come thru?

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  13. Yes it did 😉

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  14. Ok, the app didn’t show it!

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  15. Thanks Debbie, I will see if he would like to read it as well. 🙂

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  16. Sorry Debbie, I have to manually approve all of my messages before they show up. Thanks again!

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  17. Is there any unforgiveness you are harboring towards your spouse? Bitterness, once you allow it’s to take root, colors your whole world and your perception of things.

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  18. No there isn’t.

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  19. That’s good. There’s an old saying that’s says love is blind but marriage is an eye opener. There’s a lot of truth to that’s statement. Take its from someone whose been married for 37 years. My wife and I have worked through our differences and still continue to download so. But at the end of the days I can’t imagine life without her.

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  20. Too bad about the pastor’s indescretion and you are most likely right. It’s too bad that the people in the “churches” judge what they have absolutely no right to because they are just as imperfect as the ones they are judging. Michelle. Also, you are far from the only person/couple that is going thru difficult times in their marriage. The difference is how it’s handled. I am thankful that you are staying with your spouse to work things thru. It won’t be fixed overnight, because it didn’t get that way overnight. I will keep praying for you two.

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  21. Thanks for your comment Kristie…. can’t wait to see you at Thanksgiving… Love you girl! ❤️

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  22. Well said, Michelle! Excellent post.

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  23. Thank you Jennie 🙂

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  24. You are welcome

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  25. Good morning! I absolutely love your post… It’s very heart filled and honestly- transparent. As a Minister/ Marriage and Family Counselor, wife and mom, I so… can relate to every bit of your message.
    As human beings, we struggle in so many different areas of our lives, and often times, we don’t know where to begin and who to trust with our journey. And because of the shame and guilt of expectations, we keep our thoughts and emotions isolated within ourselves- hoping that we will be able to figure them out overtime. The realty is, God never place us here on earth by ourselves, we need the help of others to guide us and be an example for us. Trust, Pride, Guilt, and Perfection keeps us mentally and emotionally graved. I always say it this way, “Negativity grows in the darkness and Positivity requires light to grow and thrive.” I pray for all to be well with your pastor and his family, and for you the same. Stand strong and know that God never make a mistake and what He makes the way for, He provides for. Be well!!!

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  26. Awww…. thank you so much for your thoughtful words, I am very blessed because of them. All you have said, is so very wise and true. Have a wonderful weekend. ☺️

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