Heavenly reminders…

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And God said… “Don’t forget, you still have me.”  ~M


Photo credit: Pixabay.com

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Beautiful reminders and blessings

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In the past month, I’ve had some extraordinary close encounters with some very amazing creatures.  The first encounter happened on my camping trip a few weeks ago.  I was sitting with my hubby next to the campfire in the early evening, when all of a sudden, a doe came rambling down the hill.  It stopped about 20 feet away from us and began to graze.  I got up from my seat to have a better look, and the doe merely raised her head in curiosity, while continuing to eat.  The doe kept her eye on me but showed no inclination of being afraid.  And as I walked closer to get a better look, she still kept grazing.  I decided to leave her alone and sat back down by the campfire, and several minutes later, she walked down to the pond, which was just beyond our campsite.  Hubby and I watched her stroll around the pond, and then she eventually disappeared into the forest.  It was such a rare and beautiful moment to behold.  Looking into the eyes of a doe was mesmerizing, and I could tell she felt safe with us there.  It was such a miraculous thing to witness, and I will never forget her eyes.  They were eyes of acceptance and trust, and the sheer beauty in her gaze overwhelmed me.

The second encounter began when hubby and I decided to play shuffleboard at a resort we were staying at.  As we walked up to the game area, a baby rabbit was sitting there nibbling away on a piece of grass.  We were so close to the rabbit that we could have stepped on it if we had not been paying attention.  The rabbit never once flinched as we walked past, but instead,  just kept eating while we played shuffleboard a few feet away.  I thought that perhaps the pucks racing toward it, might scare the poor thing away, but it just sat there happy and content the entire time.  When we finally decided we’d played long enough, the baby rabbit bid us farewell, and we left feeling as if we’d seen yet another small miracle that day.

The third encounter happened yesterday when I was visiting a nearby park.  My girls and I decided to go for a picnic lunch next to the river, and it was so beautiful that I wanted to capture the beauty of everything by taking a few photos.  The problem was, I had left my phone in the car, so I decided to head back to grab it.  As I was walking back, a bird suddenly swooped down in front of me, almost hitting me.  I thought the occurrence was very odd but began to continue to the car.  But something suddenly made me stop and go back to the spot where the bird had almost hit me.  Walking back, I came across a tiny yellow bird.  It was just sitting there peacefully in the grass, staring up at me.  It looked almost like it were about to fall asleep because of how calm and content it looked.  I stood no more than a foot away from that little yellow bird and spoke to it for a few minutes.  It sort of winked at me a few times and looked as if it were actually smiling up at me.  I couldn’t believe how tame and beautiful it was.  It could have been a baby bird, but it had all of its adult feathers and was bright yellow in color, so I wasn’t sure if it was newly born or not.  The nature of it was definitely odd and had I leaned down to hold it; I was sure it would have let me.  But at last, I knew I didn’t dare disturb it further, and so I left it there and headed back to my car.

The fourth encounter happened today, which prompted me to write this post.  I had been sitting in my office, working at my computer, when a dove suddenly decided to perch on the screen of my window.  I have always loved doves, and have had some interesting experiences with them.  In fact, I had one occasion, where a dove sort of saved my life.  But I suppose I will wait and share that story for another occasion.  For now, just seeing that dove, lifted my spirits and reminded me of all the times when animals have spoken to me in such extraordinary ways.  When I’m feeling gloomy like today, it’s God’s creatures who always cheer me up, and I’m thankful that I have such reminders of his everlasting love.  I hope the rest of you will find similar reminders in your own lives.  Those unexpected occurrences always seem to come just when we need them, but we must pay attention or we could end up missing those miraculous blessings that he sends our way.


Photo credit: Pixabay.com

For them…

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The sudden silence is what gets to me most, every time he leaves.  Then my chest starts to tighten, and the tears begin to well up, and at that point, I know I’m done for.  There’s no holding back the flood of emotions no matter how hard I try.  I bury my face in my hands, trying so hard to hide the pain that’s gushing out through every inch of my being.

I can’t let anyone know how much this hurts, how lost I am, how much I don’t even want to do life anymore because I’m always feeling so alone.  Five minutes have passed, and I’m wiping the evidence away.  Putting on my brave soldier face once more, shrugging my shoulders and getting a grip just the way I’ve been taught.  I cannot cry, I can’t let anyone know that I’m weak, and I can’t ever confess to anyone that sometimes I’d rather be six feet under than endure another day alone.

There are little people counting on me, babies that need protecting, loved, and cared for.  And this is why I bury all of it, deep inside where nobody can see. If anyone ever found out what I was really thinking, what would they do?  What would they say?  So I fight through it, the let downs, the misery, the feelings of loneliness and despair.  And I put on a happy face because that makes everyone else feel better when I do that.  They need me to be happy, and I can’t let them down.  I’ve got to hold it together, for them…

 

How can I forget?

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I’ve got the past, present, and future all on my mind today. I keep trying to overcome the past, but the present just won’t let me forget, which makes the future look like it’ll just be more of the same. And I’m so tired of thinking about the past. Most days, I wish that somehow I could forget everything, and then perhaps I could overcome and heal from the things that have been weighing heavily on my mind. But no matter what I do, or what I try, I can’t forget the hurts, the struggles, and the reality of my life. I still think that it’s possible to overcome the past, but I think in order to do that, I need to face those issues head-on and stop sweeping them under the rug.

I’ve been on WordPress for five years now, and I have made some amazing friends, but the majority of you don’t really know me. I have been a closed book for a very long time, and that is mainly because I’ve been trying to protect my family and friends from knowing what’s really been going on. Sometimes I feel like it makes things worse to be open and honest with the ones you love. I think most people would say that some things should never be talked about because they are just too hard for most people to handle. But because I’ve been keeping things bottled up, I feel like I’m almost at my breaking point now. I’ve been mostly dealing with everything on my own, with very little support from anyone except a few close friends. And I feel like I don’t even want to tell my close friends everything because I don’t like overwhelming people with my problems. Everyone already has enough to deal with in their own lives, and I don’t want to be the kind of friend who heaps on more. I think this is why I’ve alienated nearly everyone from my life. I’ve been afraid that if I stayed close to anyone, that I might accidentally explode and reveal all of the things that I’ve been trying to work through.

After thinking things over while I was on vacation this month, I feel like I am only doing myself an injustice by not saying anything, and I’m on the verge of baring my heart and soul to everyone. I know I have already lost the majority of the connections with my family and friends, and so I don’t think I could do any more damage than I already have. But at the same time, I am still trying to protect my immediate family from some very damaging issues. I’ve been wanting to see a counselor, and discuss some of these issues there, but I’ve tried to find someone in the past, and our insurance wouldn’t cover the cost of those visits. So I’m sort of in a weird dilemma right now. I feel like I need to start talking about all the things that I should have addressed years ago. I think talking about them, and getting them out in the open is the only way to fix anything. I’m still not sure if writing about all of this on my blog is the best approach, but I need to do something; I just wish I knew what to do.

~M

Vacation time…

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Hey everyone,

Just a quick update for all of you who have been participating in the writing prompts.  I am leaving on vacation today and won’t be back until next month; and I am leaving my computer at home!  I will still have my phone with me, but won’t be posting the writing prompt participants list on the first of the month like I normally do.  I will however get the list posted as soon as I get back home.  I have the new writing prompts for June all ready to go and so hopefully those post as scheduled on the first of the month while I’m gone.  I hope all of you are having a good month, and I’ll see ya when I get back!  ~M xo


Photo credit: Pixabay.com