Rambling…

I finally started seeing a therapist several months ago, and my therapist has tasked me to try and figure out what I want for myself. I never really think about what I want out of life without first thinking about how my desires will impact everyone else around me. And according to my therapist, this seems to be an area that I need to work on. I place others needs before my own a lot of the time, and I mainly do it because I try to protect my friends and family, and do what seems best for them. I also tend to compare myself to other people, and think that if they’re alright with something, that I should be too. And right now, there are a lot of people telling me that I should be okay with the life I have and appreciate what I have. A lot of people think I should disregard the hard to deal with issues in my life, and just accept everything as it is; but should I? That’s another question my therapist wants me to figure out for myself. And according to him, I need to stop listening to other people and make some decisions for myself. The problem is, making decisions is difficult for me. I grew up in a very strict home, being directed and told what to do every day of my life. I wasn’t allowed to make my own decisions. And so when I was finally out on my own for the first time, having to make decisions for myself, I really didn’t know how to do that. I think it’s funny how our growing up experiences affect us so much later on in life. But this is just one example of how our upbringing can really screw us up. I know my parents did the best they could, but I just wish my mother hadn’t been so darn overprotective. Oh well… I’ve made plenty of mothering mistakes myself. Just ask my four girls… I’m sure they have a million stories to tell. I guess we can only try and do our best. We are only human, after all.

Little Do You Know – Alex & Sierra

Little do you know
How I’m breaking while you fall asleep
Little do you know
I’m still haunted by the memories
Little do you know
I’m trying to pick myself up piece by piece
Little do you know
I need a little more time

Continue reading “Little Do You Know – Alex & Sierra”

#MidnightMadness – 5/25/2017

So, I was in a rush this morning and tried to save myself some time by putting all the eggs together in one skillet.  Here’s what happened… lol.

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My daughter Brianna (15) took one look and said…

“Mom, something went wrong there…”

 

Do you think perhaps she’s correct in her assessment?  Lol… 😉

And just so you know… I didn’t break a single yoke when flipping them over.  So it wasn’t a complete disaster.  🙂

 

Tales of the Dark Side – (Part 1, The Broom Incident)

At the age of 19, I enlisted in the Army.  By the time I finally got shipped out, I was 20 years old and ready for the adventure of a lifetime.  After finishing boot camp and AIT (Advanced Individual Training), I decided it was time to go back home and visit my parents.  I’d like to say I was a bit smarter and wiser at that point, but as you’ll soon see, I was still really naïve.

I was fairly happy to be home again.  It had been two years since my mother had dared me to leave, and of course, I had been all too eager to accept her offer.  On this particular day, my parents left to go shopping and so I decided to tidy up a bit and surprise my mother like old times.  I began cleaning and scrubbing the entire house from top to bottom, and when I was finished, I wondered if there was anything else I could do to improve the place.

I noticed a cinnamon scented spice broom over by the hearth and remembered that I had sent it to my mother for Christmas.  I picked it up to see if it still smelled as good as I’d remembered, and was somewhat disappointed that the scent had mostly faded.  Around the top of the broom handle, was a small tag; and I was happy to see that it actually provided directions for maintaining the cinnamon scent.  After reading the directions over, I decided to give it a try.

The directions said to hold the broom over a pot of boiling water, in order for the steam to refresh the cinnamon smell.  So without any worries at all, I proceeded to the kitchen to steam the broom.  I was so excited, because I love the scent of cinnamon, and I knew my mother would be pleasantly surprised when she returned.  I hadn’t counted on what would happen next.

Continued here.

Him vs. Her – The grime of life

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Where to begin… I really have no idea what to write about.  Everything I’d been considering earlier, sounded so much better as I was standing in the shower this morning.  However, I do think that this quote sort of sums things up for me today.  It’s too bad all of the muck in my life, couldn’t have somehow broken free and lost its way down that drain.  No matter what I do, the problems and issues I’m currently facing, just never seem to go away.  I suppose I feel that I have come to a place in my life, of complete discontent and unhappiness.  So much so, that I have been trying to find happiness in all the wrong places and have set myself up for failure during the process.  Backtracking is the hardest thing of all, because once we move forward, we can never seem to go back the same way we came.  True the saying goes… nothing ventured, nothing gained.  But then again, I think I’ve been testing the fire with my bare hands, and now I’m paying the price for that.  Life… does it ever get any easier?  Sigh…


Quote found at: pinterest.com