“When we let anger and resentment control us, we’re only inflicting unnecessary pain on ourselves.” ~M
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Tag: pain
For them…
The sudden silence is what gets to me most, every time he leaves. Then my chest starts to tighten, and the tears begin to well up, and at that point, I know I’m done for. There’s no holding back the flood of emotions no matter how hard I try. I bury my face in my hands, trying so hard to hide the pain that’s gushing out through every inch of my being.
I can’t let anyone know how much this hurts, how lost I am, how much I don’t even want to do life anymore because I’m always feeling so alone. Five minutes have passed, and I’m wiping the evidence away. Putting on my brave soldier face once more, shrugging my shoulders and getting a grip just the way I’ve been taught. I cannot cry, I can’t let anyone know that I’m weak, and I can’t ever confess to anyone that sometimes I’d rather be six feet under than endure another day alone.
There are little people counting on me, babies that need protecting, loved, and cared for. And this is why I bury all of it, deep inside where nobody can see. If anyone ever found out what I was really thinking, what would they do? What would they say? So I fight through it, the let downs, the misery, the feelings of loneliness and despair. And I put on a happy face because that makes everyone else feel better when I do that. They need me to be happy, and I can’t let them down. I’ve got to hold it together, for them…
Betrayed – Part 6
The continuing story… Part 5 can be found here.
Scarlett awoke the next morning, feeling light-headed and nauseous. After attempting to sit up, a searing pain pierced her right temple and then something warm began to trickle down the side of her face. After feeling around, she noticed a fairly sizeable gash just above her right eyebrow. The sight of blood always left her unsteady and this time was no exception. Succumbing to the overwhelming dizziness, she laid back down on the cool mossy floor; trying to remember where she was and how she had gotten there. As she looked around, everything seemed blurry and the sounds of the forest echoed unnaturally. A passing cloud made room for an unexpected ray of light and Scarlett caught a glimpse of something shiny. She reached up with bloodied hands and found an oval shaped locket resting against her chest. The gold hinged covering was now partially broken off and inside she could see the image of a very handsome young man. She began to wonder who he was, when suddenly another sharp pain shot through her head. Once the throbbing began to subside, she looked at the locket once more. She couldn’t take her eyes off the man in the photograph. There was something eerily familiar about him and yet she couldn’t seem to remember him at all.
To be continued…
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#weekendcoffeeshare – Loss of a friend
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you how very sad I’ve been feeling over the past couple of weeks. It’s been a very tough month for me, and I’m living with so many unanswered questions.
Near the beginning of the month, I lost my closest friend. I haven’t dealt with it very well, but I’m trying my best to let go. For whatever reason, my friend decided to move on without telling me they were leaving.
I think the hardest part for me, is not knowing why; and I know I never will. The reason I know I never will, is because I dreamt of them leaving. It was a fairly recent dream, one I dreamt a few weeks before they disappeared. I didn’t understand the meaning then, but of course I do now. I cannot even fathom why they left, especially without saying goodbye; other than maybe they just had no other choice.
I admit at first, I was angry and hurt, and I vowed to myself that I would never trust another person again. And yes my guard is still up, but I did allow myself to visit with a woman who lives nearby, and it did help to speak with her. I poured my heart out to her and she listened. She eventually told me it was probably for the better; and even though I hesitate to agree with her, in the back of my mind, I know she’s probably right.
So as hard as it is to live with this sense of loss and pain in my heart, I know I will eventually be okay. Every day that passes, is another day to find other things to be happy about; and to try and find contentment, even in the monotony of everyday life.
I have never been a quitter, and so I will not give up trying to find a positive light, even in this. The Lord knows my path better than me, and so I have to ultimately give all of this to him, and let him show me where I should go from here.
Find other weekend coffee share posters here.
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The ache in our hearts…
“The pain we feel in our hearts when we lose someone, is just a reminder of how much we truly did love them. It’s an ache we carry with us for the remainder of our lives, which continues to remind us of just how special they really were.” ~M
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Putting My Feet in the Dirt 