“When we let anger and resentment control us, we’re only inflicting unnecessary pain on ourselves.” ~M
Photo credit: Pixabay.com
Photo credit: Pixabay.com
The sudden silence is what gets to me most, every time he leaves. Then my chest starts to tighten, and the tears begin to well up, and at that point, I know I’m done for. There’s no holding back the flood of emotions no matter how hard I try. I bury my face in my hands, trying so hard to hide the pain that’s gushing out through every inch of my being.
I can’t let anyone know how much this hurts, how lost I am, how much I don’t even want to do life anymore because I’m always feeling so alone. Five minutes have passed, and I’m wiping the evidence away. Putting on my brave soldier face once more, shrugging my shoulders and getting a grip just the way I’ve been taught. I cannot cry, I can’t let anyone know that I’m weak, and I can’t ever confess to anyone that sometimes I’d rather be six feet under than endure another day alone.
There are little people counting on me, babies that need protecting, loved, and cared for. And this is why I bury all of it, deep inside where nobody can see. If anyone ever found out what I was really thinking, what would they do? What would they say? So I fight through it, the let downs, the misery, the feelings of loneliness and despair. And I put on a happy face because that makes everyone else feel better when I do that. They need me to be happy, and I can’t let them down. I’ve got to hold it together, for them…
The continuing story… Part 5 can be found here.
Scarlett awoke the next morning, feeling light-headed and nauseous. After attempting to sit up, a searing pain pierced her right temple and then something warm began to trickle down the side of her face. After feeling around, she noticed a fairly sizeable gash just above her right eyebrow. The sight of blood always left her unsteady and this time was no exception. Succumbing to the overwhelming dizziness, she laid back down on the cool mossy floor; trying to remember where she was and how she had gotten there. As she looked around, everything seemed blurry and the sounds of the forest echoed unnaturally. A passing cloud made room for an unexpected ray of light and Scarlett caught a glimpse of something shiny. She reached up with bloodied hands and found an oval shaped locket resting against her chest. The gold hinged covering was now partially broken off and inside she could see the image of a very handsome young man. She began to wonder who he was, when suddenly another sharp pain shot through her head. Once the throbbing began to subside, she looked at the locket once more. She couldn’t take her eyes off the man in the photograph. There was something eerily familiar about him and yet she couldn’t seem to remember him at all.
To be continued…
Photo credit: myfacebookdp.blogspot.com
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you how very sad I’ve been feeling over the past couple of weeks. It’s been a very tough month for me, and I’m living with so many unanswered questions.
Near the beginning of the month, I lost my closest friend. I haven’t dealt with it very well, but I’m trying my best to let go. For whatever reason, my friend decided to move on without telling me they were leaving.
I think the hardest part for me, is not knowing why; and I know I never will. The reason I know I never will, is because I dreamt of them leaving. It was a fairly recent dream, one I dreamt a few weeks before they disappeared. I didn’t understand the meaning then, but of course I do now. I cannot even fathom why they left, especially without saying goodbye; other than maybe they just had no other choice.
I admit at first, I was angry and hurt, and I vowed to myself that I would never trust another person again. And yes my guard is still up, but I did allow myself to visit with a woman who lives nearby, and it did help to speak with her. I poured my heart out to her and she listened. She eventually told me it was probably for the better; and even though I hesitate to agree with her, in the back of my mind, I know she’s probably right.
So as hard as it is to live with this sense of loss and pain in my heart, I know I will eventually be okay. Every day that passes, is another day to find other things to be happy about; and to try and find contentment, even in the monotony of everyday life.
I have never been a quitter, and so I will not give up trying to find a positive light, even in this. The Lord knows my path better than me, and so I have to ultimately give all of this to him, and let him show me where I should go from here.
Find other weekend coffee share posters here.
Photo credit: pixabay.com
Photo credit: pixabay.com
Photo credit: pixabay.com
“Think about it… with every painful moment in your life, you became stronger and more prepared for the next hurdle. By now, you’ve accomplished more than you thought you ever could, and by enduring those pain filled moments, you have gained great confidence. So at this point in your life, you should now be able to do almost anything, because once you’ve survived enough pain in your life, everything else becomes easier.” ~M
Photo credit: Pinterest.com & Crosscards.com
Photo found at: travelsinphotography.com
Photo credit: Pinterest.com
“Life often brings immense pain, but it also brings unending joy after the rain.” ~M
Photo credit: galleryhip.com
This is a really tough day for me and I hardly know where to begin. I have been struggling with so many issues over the past couple of years and last night they all came crashing down on me. Right now, I feel hopeless, lost, and completely out of sorts. I have been doing everything in my own power, trying to hold on to the tiniest bit of hope, and yet that last bit of hope finally escaped my grip last night and I wanted to completely give up.
I wanted to give up everything and I wanted to forget everyone. As the night progressed, I finally just spilled everything I had been holding onto for so long. All the pain that’s been bottled up inside of me, all the disappointment, all the regrets. All of it came out and my heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces.
Still today, there does not seem to be any relief after all that was discussed. Everything is still a complete mess and I can’t imagine how any of it will ever be resolved. The hurts run too deep, the pain seems to be more than I can bear, and I don’t feel like I will ever recover. I have alienated too many people from my life, tried to forget everyone and everything for so long now. And because of it, I feel like I am left with this huge hole in my heart.
In the process of trying to forget everyone, I seem to have forgotten who I am too. I feel as if I can’t change any of this and cannot seem to mend what’s been broken. I have allowed things to go too far, to get too out of control and my health is declining as well, which I know is completely my fault.
I have debated for months now as to what I should do, and after last night and just how close I was to giving up completely, I feel like I need a break to figure things out. As hard as this is, I have decided to give up blogging. I am not sure if this will be permanent or temporary, my brain can’t think that far ahead. But for now, I just need to get my head and my heart in sync with one another and figure things out.
I am closing comments on my blog and may be deleting my social media accounts as well. I will leave my blog up for now, but may remove it in the future. I wish the best to all of you and I hope that you will be happy in your lives and always put God first. Without Him we are nothing, and you will go down this barren road like I am right now if you don’t put your hope and trust in Him alone.
Love you all so much and I will really miss you. ~M xo
Photo credit: freewallpaperpk.blogspot.com
He looked over at his alarm clock and groaned; 5:00 a.m. was way too early for a regular person to be up, let alone someone who just happened to be missing both of his legs. He slowly propped himself up against his pillows and maneuvered his body so that he was facing the left side of the bed. An old tattered wheelchair sat just inches away. With a heavy sigh, he used his muscular arms to lift his entire body off of the bed. He hovered for a second over the wheelchair, being careful to center his body over the seat. With a grunt, and a few other choice words, he lowered himself into the chair and began the process of fastening the straps so that he wouldn’t accidentally fall out. Once he was strapped in, he reached for his artificial legs. They were heavy, and even though he had gained most of his strength back in his arms, he was still a bit clumsy when trying to attach them to what was left of his real legs. One at a time, he attached the artificial legs. First came the protective cloth which protected his legs from rubbing against the hard plastic base. Next came the numerous adjustments and straps to set everything into place so that he was sure he wouldn’t fall over once he attempted to stand. The clock read 6:00 a.m. He was finally ready to attempt to stand. He planted both artificial legs firmly into the carpet and grabbed the arms of his wheelchair with a firm grasp. The pain was intense at first. He held his breath to try to fight back the searing pain. His eyes began to water as he tried to stand. Once he was fully standing, he felt dizzy and fought the urge to slouch back down into his wheelchair. His determination did not waver though and he tried with all his might to take just one tiny step. This morning was not going to be easy though, because as he took that first step, the rest of his body seemed to have other plans for him. He immediately lost his balance and fell to the floor with a loud thud. Tears stung his eyes and he cussed under his breath. He laid on the floor for a while, trying to regain his strength. He heaved his heavy body off the floor using all the strength he could surmise and proceeded to grab for his wheelchair once again. It was now 7:00 a.m.