#weekendcoffeeshare – Loss of a friend

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If we were having coffee, I’d tell you how very sad I’ve been feeling over the past couple of weeks.  It’s been a very tough month for me, and I’m living with so many unanswered questions.

Near the beginning of the month, I lost my closest friend.  I haven’t dealt with it very well, but I’m trying my best to let go.  For whatever reason, my friend decided to move on without telling me they were leaving.

I think the hardest part for me, is not knowing why; and I know I never will.  The reason I know I never will, is because I dreamt of them leaving.  It was a fairly recent dream, one I dreamt a few weeks before they disappeared.  I didn’t understand the meaning then, but of course I do now.  I cannot even fathom why they left, especially without saying goodbye; other than maybe they just had no other choice.

I admit at first, I was angry and hurt, and I vowed to myself that I would never trust another person again.  And yes my guard is still up, but I did allow myself to visit with a woman who lives nearby, and it did help to speak with her. I poured my heart out to her and she listened.  She eventually told me it was probably for the better; and even though I hesitate to agree with her, in the back of my mind, I know she’s probably right.

So as hard as it is to live with this sense of loss and pain in my heart, I know I will eventually be okay.  Every day that passes, is another day to find other things to be happy about; and to try and find contentment, even in the monotony of everyday life.

I have never been a quitter, and so I will not give up trying to find a positive light, even in this.  The Lord knows my path better than me, and so I have to ultimately give all of this to him, and let him show me where I should go from here.


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49 responses to “#weekendcoffeeshare – Loss of a friend

  1. The Lord knows the desires of our hearts, he will not forsake us but when we trust in him as you have, he will fill you with joy and gladness. So sorry about all that happened💝

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  2. Thank you Eddaz… you have cheered my heart today by your comforting words. ❤

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  3. It’s my pleasure and I’m happy you feel better💝

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  4. I’m so sorry that happened, M. Many hugs and love to you. The not knowing is maybe the hardest part….but it wasn’t you. 💜

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  5. So sorry for the loss of your friend, Michelle. It’s so hard. I’m glad you found some comfort and are focused on the little joys of each day. ❤

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  6. Thank you Angela, yes that is the hardest part. Maybe it was me, I guess I’ll never know. I try to be a good friend, I’ve tried my whole life, but I just don’t seem to have what it takes. I was isolated growing up, maybe this affected my social skills. I don’t really know. All I really know is that I can’t be anything other than I am. If I knew what I was doing wrong, I would try to change that, but I honestly haven’t got a clue. 😔

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  7. Thanks D….. I just have to move forward and accept the fact that I can’t change what’s happened. It’s just going to take time to feel like myself again.

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  8. I am sorry you had to go through this and I have experienced both sides – being left and leaving a friend. It is never easy. 😕

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  9. Thanks Bel, no it isn’t. I suppose my biggest concern is not knowing if they’re ok.

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  10. True. A part of you will always worry about them. I get that…and all we can do is pray for them.🙏

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  11. Yeah, all of me will forever worry about them. That will never change. Praying is the best thing anyone can do for anybody.

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  12. I am so sorry to hear about your loss, especially when it is sudden and without some sort of closure. Someone once told me that some friendships serve their purpose and then, for whatever reason, they end. Hopefully it is because it served its time and purpose and maybe your friend needs to discover something, for themself, that is missing, and you needed this time to focus on other things for yourself. I hope a new friend fills that void for you and brings you something special that you are in need of more. We just never know what tomorrow will bring but, for you, I think you will be rewarded because you put positive energy out into the lives of so many! ~Anne

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  13. Thank you for your wise words Anne…. I believe all of this to be true. I am not wishing for a new friend though. Just forever grateful to have the friendship I had. I believe it was a once in a lifetime kind of friendship. There’s no replacing a friend like that. 💜

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  14. Then they definitely served their purpose and its wonderful to have had a bond like you had! Continue to look for the positives and cherish the memories.

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  15. Yes it’s a rare occurrence, especially in times like these. Thank you Anne, I surely will. 🙂

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  16. Condolences on the lost of your friend/s. Look for small positive things from strangers, they are there if you look. Think Positive!Hugs!

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  17. Thank you Betty. I agree, we must always look for the positives in every single situation . It’s the only way to live a happy life. 🙂

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  18. Time they say heals all wounds, well not completely but just enough…
    ~B

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  19. I don’t think there’s enough time left in my life to do it though…. 😔

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  20. I hope things start to get better for you.

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  21. Thank you Lauren 🙂 and thanks for following my blog. 🌸

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  22. Thats the thing about time, its never enough no matter how much of it you have, it always runs out….. my last blog post is something to that effect http://wp.me/p3NqTj-17i
    ~B

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  23. I agree…. I’ll have to check it out. 🙂

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  24. No, you can’t, and a true friend will love exactly that. 💜

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  25. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, but I hope it’s been cathartic sharing how you feel here and I hope you find some kind of solace among friends. I am thinking that your friend took their life and that’s a particularly hard loss to understand, process and accept. Take care and I pray that in time you will find peace with your feelings and your friend and start to heal.
    xx Rowena

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  26. Kathleen Howell

    I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I too lost someone years ago and the Why? will be with me the rest of my life. However, I have had signs and also a dream that leads me to believe he is okay. I trust in God that we all go back to him someday, regardless of how. Hang in there.. ((HUGS))

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  27. Thank you Rowena, I have no idea what happened, or where they have gone. I hadn’t really considered the fact that they could be gone from this world. My heart breaks even more at the very idea. 🙁

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  28. Thanks Kathleen, so sorry about the loss of your friend too. I just have to stop thinking about them and move forward. It’s obvious that they wanted me to forget them, or they would have said something. So out of respect for them and whatever their reasons are, I need to let them go.

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  29. I also lost a good friend this month. I will be holding you in my good thoughts & prayers–sending good juju through the ether. Be good to yourself.

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  30. Oh so sorry to hear that… seems like a regular occurrence these days. The more I mention it, the more others are confiding in me that the same thing has happened to them. I just don’t understand…
    Take care Kay, and have a very blessed week. 🙂

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  31. I’m so sorry you’re going through this difficult time. I was drawn to your post because the exact same thing happened to me many years ago. A woman, D., who was my closest friend, one day stopped taking my phone calls (this was WAY before the advent of email, cell phones, texting, and Facebook). Her daughter would answer the phone, go tell her mother I was calling, then come back and say her mom couldn’t come to the phone, then add “I’m sorry” in a whisper. I never knew why this happened. At the time there wasn’t even anything I could imagine might have caused the break. And yes, I still think about it after all these years (about 25). Not knowing why is the hard part, since you can’t take steps to avoid doing the same thing–whatever it was–again. The only consolation is knowing that my conscience is clear and that I’ve made other friends since then. We can’t control other people’s behavior. I hope time will help you heal.

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  32. Oh I’m so sorry this happened to you Mary. I am hesitant to ever have a close friend again because of it. Plus this was the closest I’ve ever felt to anyone in my entire life. The connection we had was deeply profound and I think that is why I’m struggling so much to let go. I know I will never forget them and as much as I want to be mad at them for leaving like this, I only feel sorry for them. I know there must have been something major that happened for them to just disappear like this. So my heart goes out to them wherever they are, so hopeful that life will bring them happiness instead of pain.

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  33. Something better awaits you ❤

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  34. Thank you for your encouraging words. 💜

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  35. I feel your pain. I had a best friend back out of my life and I never knew why. I tried to reconnect with her and figured, after this first visit, then we will get together and figure out what happened. It never did. And then she died. My questions unanswered. It serves no purpose to hold on and there is a lot of grief. I hope you can move forward.
    But, do not let it stop you from building other friendships! You never know who is out there! Another true soulmate (not just for lovers) could be out there!

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  36. Oh Dale, this really made me smile. Such great insight and hopefulness. I am so sorry though, that this happened to you as well. I have never had many friends in my life, and never a close one like this; so it does leave me feeling hesitant to look for another. That’s the thing though, I wasn’t even looking for a friend when this person happened along. And then of course the next thing I knew, we were great friends. I look back now though and wonder if they were really as connected to me as I was to them.

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  37. Same here. We met at the lockers in our college. You know that old saying some friends are for a minute, sorry for a week, some for years, etc.? Well, when we think about it that way, we can better categorise things and diminish the pain. Well we can try…

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  38. I’m really sorry about your friend. The not knowing is the hardest part. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

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  39. Maybe that’s the problem… I’ve never heard that saying! Lol…. I always thought they were supposed to be around forever. 😉 I suppose that isn’t really how it works in this world. Time for me to grow up. 🙂

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  40. Thank you Amie. I’m just more concerned about him than anything else. So I will just keep praying that he is ok. It’s all I can do anymore.

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  41. I am so very sorry this has happened to you. I wish I could help. Recently, the same thing has happened to me. I lost my best friend of 35 years. I don’t really know why except that he became radicalized by the politics in the U.S. I was not of his political persuasion and he felt as if I were suddenly the enemy. It has been really hard so I can empathize with you. Again, I am so sorry.

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  42. Oh Rosemary I’m so sorry to hear that you are suffering as well. It’s so very hard, and for me the worst part is not knowing how he’s doing or if he’s ok. And so I find myself doing the only other thing that I can, and that is praying for him and that God will keep him safe in the palm of his hand. I miss him dearly, but I know God is surely taking care of him, and that’s all I can hope for. Blessings Rosemary, so good to find you today! 😉

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  43. Some friendships are meant to be temporary; others are for a lifetime. I wish you more of the latter.

    Beautiful, heartfelt post.

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  44. Thank you Kate. I wish they could all last a lifetime. 😉

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