Where did my heart go?

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I feel like my heart isn’t in anything right now; I don’t want to do anything; I don’t want to go anywhere;  and least of all, I don’t want to socialize.  People are reaching out, trying to ask me if I’m ok, and to most, I can’t even respond.  I keep asking myself, “What kind of person am I?”  That I can’t even respond to a simple email, phone call, or text message.

I sort of feel like I’m floating on a raft in the middle of the ocean, and there is nothing for as far as the eye can see.  And I want to be here; out of reach of most anyone or anything.  I’m alone without a plan as to where I’m going, and I just don’t care.  I don’t want to do anything else, except for simply float peacefully along, and leave everything else behind.

I don’t think I’ve ever isolated myself as much as I am right now.  And there are times when I question why I’m doing this.  But I feel like I need it.  The quiet has been soothing to my soul.  I’m loving the peace of not having to talk to anyone, to explain myself, to share all the horrible ugly things that I’m so often dealing with.  I don’t want to talk about any of it because then it becomes real.  And I can’t deal with the reality of the things that I know I will eventually need to face.  I just don’t want to right now.

The funniest thing is, I start a social media communications class next week.  It’s a requirement for my major and one of the last general education classes that I still need.  40% of my grade will be the discussions I have with other students.  So much for being anti-social!  Lol.  At least I don’t have to talk about my personal life, but still…

Anyway, so here I am, floating along.  It’s rather calm at the moment, but that usually means there’s a storm brewing on the horizon.  And even though I can’t see it, I’m sort of securing myself to the raft right now; bracing myself for what’s to come.  I just hope the storm passes quickly if and when it finally does arrive.

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Our Latest Adventure

Just wanted to share our most recent trip to the park with all of you.  It was quite muddy that day, but at least there weren’t too many bugs lurking about.  We had a blast despite ending up with mud caked to the bottom of our shoes. 🙂

Monroe 7This was the start of the path leading into the woods from the children’s play area.  Every time I see a path like this, I feel inspired to write something  about it.  The woods were so tranquil and quiet.  The only sounds that could be heard were the faint rustle of the leaves in the wind and the birds merrily singing nearby.

Monroe 5Along the path, we spotted this tree off in the distance.  I wanted to get a closer look, but it was so far off the path and with the ground being so muddy, this is as close as I could get without getting stuck forever!  I wonder if an animal lives here.  It sure seemed like a cozy little place to snuggle up and take a nap.

Monroe 4These plants to the left, covered almost the entire forest floor.  Not sure of their name.  They were about 3 ft. tall, with tiny white flowers at the tips, and because of their height, it made it impossible to veer off the path too far.

Monroe 1Here’s a better view of the flowers that were perched at the top of each plant.  Like I said, I am not sure what these were, but they were a beautiful sight for sure!

Monroe 9   The trees didn’t quite have all of their leaves yet, so you could really get a good view of the entire forest and all of it’s hidden secrets that laid scattered about.  I enjoyed watching the butterflies fluttering by, and my girls were looking for curious things to collect.  I think the only thing we really collected though, was about 2 inches of mud on the bottoms of our shoes!

Monroe 11   This was the end of our journey through the woods and I decided to take a picture of the sun peering through the trees as we made our way back to the play area.  It is always hard to leave such a peaceful place behind and I felt a bit sad when we had to leave.  The good news is, that we can go back another day and have another adventure waiting for us once again!  I am already excited just thinking about it!