Tag Archives: sadness

Searching for you…

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I’ve been searching for you

In the gloominess of the day

I can’t see your face

Don’t seem to hear what you say

 

It’s as if you’ve evaporated

Right before my very eyes

So I call out to you

Reaching up toward the skies

 

And still your sweet voice

Is missing from my day

An empty kind of feeling

Surrounds me as I pray

 

My heart feels quite heavy

Barely feel you anymore

I want to see your glory

It’s you I implore

 

Written by, Michelle Cook


Originally posted: August 16, 2016

Photo found at: beyondhorizon-poonam.blogspot.com

The Girl Who Had Everything – Writing 201: Poetry (Day 8 – Flavor, Elegy, Enumeratio)

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The Girl Who Had Everything

She was the flavor of the day
The talk of the town
When she came into sight
Everyone crowded around
She was a girl who had everything
Going her way
It was a shame it all had to end
On that one frightful day
Beauty and ambition left her
In the blink of an eye
She had been the life of the party
And left without saying goodbye
Then one bad decision
Left her in a collision
Her life now just a blur
Caused quite a stir
Many couldn’t believe
That she was now gone
A girl that had everything
And seemed so strong
Fate dealt her a poor hand
That terrible tragic day
And these sad memories
Will probably never go away
Reflecting back on her life
Many now say
They miss her and wonder
Why did she pay
Unfortunately so often
We reap what we sow
God bestows us with choices
And then lets us go
We can’t really question
The hows and the whys
It’s unfortunate for sure
When somebody we love must die
But we need to remember
The choices that we make
Can often lead us
To disastrous mistakes
We live and we learn
And get smarter each day
Hopefully before
We are taken away

Written by,  Michelle Cook


Originally posted: October 13, 2015

Photo credit: pinterest.com

At the heart of sadness

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Three years of my life I’ve dedicated to writing

And yet now I don’t know how or if I can continue on this journey

My heart just isn’t in it the way it once was

I feel stuck in a life that is perfect in every way

And yet it’s also so broken and ugly that I cannot see past it

I try to disregard the guilt which I so often feel

Originally brought on by the shame of another

But time and time again I still feel it as if it were my own

And now I live with my own transgressions

Screaming at the top of my lungs in silence

Simply responding to the heart wrenching pain

Which has accumulated in my broken heart

Pieces of me have fallen so far away

That I now feel lost and mostly without purpose

Heartbreak and grief have caused an unbearable sadness in me

And somedays I just don’t know how I can move past the hurt

There are days when I am strong and days when I think I can get there

Back to that old familiar place where life was happy and simple

And then there are days like today when sorrow catches up to me

Swooping me up in a whirlwind of emotions

Then leaving me to stumble aimlessly in the dark

I feel lost as I walk through a fog of despair and uncertainty

And its times like these when I wonder if I can continue on

And I question just how much more my heart can endure

 

Written by, Michelle Cook


Photo credit: pixabay.com

Rescued

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So lost was I

In a dark realm

Of despondency

Where love

Was only imagined

And ever fleeting

 

So lost was I

In a place

Where dreams

Were destroyed

The very instant

They were born

 

So lost was I

In a world

Of temporary pleasures

Where words

Became everything

And then nothing

 

So lost was I

In an empty hope

Seeking acceptance

From others

Who only sought

To steal my soul

 

So lost was I

In a game

Where rules

Were optional

And the players

Took advantage

 

So lost was I

In complete desperation

Yearning to find

Someone to fill

The void

In my broken heart

 

So lost was I

In the emptiness

Which I felt

Causing my mind

To lose faith

In all that mattered

 

So lost was I

In utter darkness

And then light

Fell upon

My tear streaked face

And I was rescued

 

 

Written By, Michelle Cook


Originally posted: October 30, 2016

Photo credit: wakeup-world.com

Heavyhearted…

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The thought of never seeing you

Brings an abundance of tears

To my grief-stricken eyes

Kind of like the weather today

As the rain clouds fill up

These gloomy skies


Written by, Michelle Cook


Photo credit: pixabay.com

#MidnightMadness – 4/7/2017

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He was the boy

Who brought a smile

Wherever he went

 

Yes, he was that boy…

And my tears just won’t relent

 

*Sorry folks, but grief won out tonight… ~M


Photo credit: pixabay.com

Poisoned…

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Bitterness is consuming me

It’s coursing through my blood

Pent up anger and frustration

Overtake me like a flood

I don’t want to be like this

Which only adds to my defeat

I really just want to spread happiness

To every single person that I meet

But at last all the negative vibes

Seem to have poisoned my very soul

And I just don’t know what to do now

To get back the good in me that’s been stole

 

Written by, Michelle Cook


Photo credit: pixabay.com

When words sting…

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I pour my heart out

Day after day

Ridiculed sometimes

For what I might say

They’ll always be someone

Who finds some sort of flaw

Leaving me feeling

As if I’ve been punched in the jaw

Their words they sting

Like a thousand bees

Bringing me down

Upon my knees

Crying because

I don’t fit in

Left wondering why

I can’t ever win

 
 Written by, Michelle Cook


Photo credit: pixabay.com

An unrequired life

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Here in the shadow of a room

Where my broken heart

Yearns to mend

I felt the veil today

Its shimmery substance

Moved smoothly

Against the palm of my hand

It was cold and fluid like

Ethereal in its movement

Captivating my mind

Calling for my soul

I longed to press through

To finally see my maker

Wanted desperately to leave

So that I could instead

Sit beside my blessed king

The thought of leaving

This bleak frightful world

Fascinated my mind

This place where I reside

Has only left me

Covered in battle scars

Too numerous to count

Such a pity nobody can erase

These constant reminders

Of such sorrow and pain

Not even time herself

Can seem to fade these flaws

So I sat there

Lost in deep thought

Pondering a life beyond

This blink of an eye

When suddenly my mind

Was brought back into focus

By the pitter patter

Of small footsteps

The veil then quickly faded

Disappearing completely

Leaving me once again

To carry on with a life

Which seems to need me

More often than I require it

And so I continue on

Trudging through

The muck of life

A soldier lost

In the middle of a battlefield

Waiting for the day

When I’m officially given the word

To leave this dismal place

And return to my heavenly home

 

Written by, Michelle Cook


Photo credit: pixabay.com

Hopelessly in love…

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“When you’re hopelessly in love, you die a million deaths and cry a million tears. And you continue to do so, until you’re so defeated, that there’s nowhere to go from there, except as far away as possible, from the person you’ve been loving.” ~M


Photo credit: pixabay.com

#weekendcoffeeshare – Staying focused

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If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that this week has gone much better than last.  I’ve realized that I need to stay focused on my goals and really work on getting things done.  I always seem to do better when I take a structured approach to anything.  I started off the week by making myself a detailed schedule of what I wanted to accomplish, and so far I have completed each task.  I am an organizer by nature, and when things aren’t in perfect order, I sort of begin to stress out a little bit.  So by simple planning, I feel l have made some good progress.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I turned 45 this week.  I had a wonderful birthday this year.  I woke up to a plate full of toast made by my 8yr old daughter, and a lovely poem written by my very sweet husband.  I spent the entire day with my family, shopping and having fun.  I was treated like a princess, and left the mall with a great big box of dark chocolate sea salt caramels!  We even went to see a movie, “A Dog’s Purpose.”  I am not much of a movie watcher, but I have to admit, I really did enjoy this one.  It was a tearjerker for sure, and by the end of it, my husband and I were both bawling our eyes out.

Later that night we went out for Chinese food, and 3 days later, we are still surviving on leftovers from that dinner.  The portion sizes were enough to feed a football team, and the table was barely large enough to hold all the food they brought out to us.  We ordered the meal for three, even though there were four of us there.  Good thing we didn’t order the meal for four!  I came home that night feeling like I might possibly die from overeating, and the very idea of Chinese food right now, sort of makes me feel ill.

If we were having coffee, I’d also tell you that I have been feeling quite melancholy lately, and even though this week couldn’t have gone better, I am still feeling overwhelmed at times.  I’m learning to accept what I can’t change though, and trying not to let things get me down that I have no control over.  Life isn’t always what we hope for or expect.  We just have to learn to be as happy as we can, where we’re at, and learn to appreciate the little things that God sends our way.  I hope all of you have had a wonderful week.

Love and blessings, ~M xo

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Photo credit: pixabay.com & giphy.com

Reflecting…

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Reflecting on this life

The one filled with you and I

My heart is such a wreck

Though I can’t seem to tell you why

 

I’m trying to feel content

And reassure you that I care

But the heaviness in my heart

Is simply more than I can bear

 

I feel I’m pretending to be okay

When deep inside I’m not

And denying my feelings this way

Often leaves me so distraught

 

You say that you’ll be patient

And wait for that joyful day

When I can finally love you

Words you insist I will convey

 

Yet presently I’m asking

Deep within my soul

For God to make a change

And make my heart feel whole

 

Will I ever come around

I suppose only time will tell

I know I would hate to have it end

In a bittersweet farewell

 

Written by, Michelle Cook


*Written November 13, 2016.  A day when uncertainty crept in.

Photo credit: pixabay.com

I still believe…

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I’ve pondered happiness a million times

And questioned my future all too often.

I’ve wished for a change to bring about fulfillment

And sought greener gardens which are apparently non-existent.

I’ve hoped for a chance to make my life better

And dreamt of a love that could fill my wildest dreams.

I’ve waited for contentment in the midst of my tears

And so often I’ve wilted and faded from the effects of my sadness.

I’ve looked for opportunities in the most likely places

And have yet to find what I’ve been looking for.

I’ve been stabbed with daggers of disappointment

And felt the heart-wrenching sensation of a million dreams being ripped from my soul.

I’ve felt jolts of uncertainty hit me on a regular basis

And time has never changed the emptiness felt in my heart.

I’ve spent years dragging my feet on a path that has led to nowhere

And yet I still continue on this journey because I haven’t figured out what else to do.

I’ve lost inspiration and ambition along the way

And found discouragement to be my only true and trusted friend.

I’ve struggled to find meaning throughout the trials of my life

And bitterness still resides within the creases of my heart.

I’ve been unable to look beyond the confines of my shattered existence

And yet somehow I still believe in the life I’m living and have hope for the future.

 

Written by, Michelle Cook


*This poem was written last year, when my marriage was falling apart.  Things are finally getting better.  We are growing together again, instead of growing apart.  This poem just goes to show how far we’ve come.  Believing that a relationship can be mended, is the first step in the healing process.  Our marriage still isn’t perfect, it never will be, nobody’s is.  But we have certainly made a lot of progress.  Real love always shines through in the end.

Photo credit: pixabay.com

#weekendcoffeeshare – Loss of a friend

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If we were having coffee, I’d tell you how very sad I’ve been feeling over the past couple of weeks.  It’s been a very tough month for me, and I’m living with so many unanswered questions.

Near the beginning of the month, I lost my closest friend.  I haven’t dealt with it very well, but I’m trying my best to let go.  For whatever reason, my friend decided to move on without telling me they were leaving.

I think the hardest part for me, is not knowing why; and I know I never will.  The reason I know I never will, is because I dreamt of them leaving.  It was a fairly recent dream, one I dreamt a few weeks before they disappeared.  I didn’t understand the meaning then, but of course I do now.  I cannot even fathom why they left, especially without saying goodbye; other than maybe they just had no other choice.

I admit at first, I was angry and hurt, and I vowed to myself that I would never trust another person again.  And yes my guard is still up, but I did allow myself to visit with a woman who lives nearby, and it did help to speak with her. I poured my heart out to her and she listened.  She eventually told me it was probably for the better; and even though I hesitate to agree with her, in the back of my mind, I know she’s probably right.

So as hard as it is to live with this sense of loss and pain in my heart, I know I will eventually be okay.  Every day that passes, is another day to find other things to be happy about; and to try and find contentment, even in the monotony of everyday life.

I have never been a quitter, and so I will not give up trying to find a positive light, even in this.  The Lord knows my path better than me, and so I have to ultimately give all of this to him, and let him show me where I should go from here.


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Photo credit: pixabay.com

Blur

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Out of focus

So unclear

This is what happens

When you

Aren’t here

 

Written by, Michelle Cook


The Daily Post prompt – Blur

Photo credit: pixabay.com