Tag: social media

Moving on…

~ ~M

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To have a friend, you must be a friend. ~M

I once had a friend who I loved completely. Probably more than I even should’ve. But the thing is, they weren’t there to give, but to take instead. And they took a lot from me. The last straw was when they plagiarized some of my work. And rather than make things right, and give me credit in their book, they decided to instead tell me that I should feel honored for what they did, and they couldn’t guarantee that they wouldn’t do it again.

Needless to say, we are no longer friends, and after looking them up on social media, I proceeded to block every online place I could think of that they might be. In doing so, I discovered just how unashamed they were for their actions because they are out there promoting their book, taking full credit for something that isn’t entirely theirs. I honestly couldn’t believe what I was seeing because I trusted this person for five years, and we were as close as friends could be. But apparently, some people have no regard for others, and they just want to stomp on anyone who gets in their way.  I’m quite sure this person will likely steal from me again, and so I’m not sure what I will do if that happens. It’s bad enough when random strangers steal your work, but it’s a whole different story when it’s someone you were once really close too.

Anyway, it’s just good to finally be done with this person and to never have to hear from them again. I think the worst part is that my trust has been broken, and that’s something that is very difficult to get back once it’s taken from you. But I’m moving on, and I’m literally doing so, as I’m just about to move several states away from where I currently am. It’s freeing to know that I’ll soon be starting over, and I guess it’s good I’m not dragging along any drama with me when I go. I’m really excited about what’s ahead, and I think this new, exciting change is just what I need.

Photo credit: https://pixabay.com/photos/move-key-new-apartment-catchment-2481718/

Where did my heart go?

~ ~M

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I feel like my heart isn’t in anything right now; I don’t want to do anything; I don’t want to go anywhere;  and least of all, I don’t want to socialize.  People are reaching out, trying to ask me if I’m ok, and to most, I can’t even respond.  I keep asking myself, “What kind of person am I?”  That I can’t even respond to a simple email, phone call, or text message.

I sort of feel like I’m floating on a raft in the middle of the ocean, and there is nothing for as far as the eye can see.  And I want to be here; out of reach of most anyone or anything.  I’m alone without a plan as to where I’m going, and I just don’t care.  I don’t want to do anything else, except for simply float peacefully along, and leave everything else behind.

I don’t think I’ve ever isolated myself as much as I am right now.  And there are times when I question why I’m doing this.  But I feel like I need it.  The quiet has been soothing to my soul.  I’m loving the peace of not having to talk to anyone, to explain myself, to share all the horrible ugly things that I’m so often dealing with.  I don’t want to talk about any of it because then it becomes real.  And I can’t deal with the reality of the things that I know I will eventually need to face.  I just don’t want to right now.

The funniest thing is, I start a social media communications class next week.  It’s a requirement for my major and one of the last general education classes that I still need.  40% of my grade will be the discussions I have with other students.  So much for being anti-social!  Lol.  At least I don’t have to talk about my personal life, but still…

Anyway, so here I am, floating along.  It’s rather calm at the moment, but that usually means there’s a storm brewing on the horizon.  And even though I can’t see it, I’m sort of securing myself to the raft right now; bracing myself for what’s to come.  I just hope the storm passes quickly if and when it finally does arrive.

Morning thoughts

~ ~M

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I woke up feeling better about things today. I think I’m starting to realize that I’m holding on to too much from my past. It’s hard though when you suddenly get a reminder of past wrongs. I can forget all the past hurts for a while, but then they seem to crop up again. A few weeks ago, I was triggered by a family member, and since then, I feel like I can’t move past what they did. And what they did, made me feel like I no longer matter to them. It feels like they’re trying to erase me from their life.

I’ve been trying to let it go, trying to rationalize why they did it. Some people just don’t even realize that they’ve hurt someone. I would like to think that they weren’t intentionally trying to hurt me, but in the back of my mind, I just can’t shake the feeling that they were. I’m at the point now, where I would rather not care one way or the other. But I do care because it’s someone I’ve known my whole life.

It’s been good for me to be off social media. I think it was the best idea I’ve ever had. There were so many reasons why I finally broke free of it, but I think one of the biggest reasons I left, was because I was constantly being reminded of how I don’t really fit into my families lives anymore. They all live so far away, and I’m no longer a part of all they do on a daily basis. It often causes me to resent my own husband, for leaving me secluded like I am, away from everyone. But then I wonder, am I better off anyway? Perhaps it’s saving me from all the drama that comes from family relationships. And I agreed to all of this, so I shouldn’t be blaming anyone for how I feel.  Maybe it’s just better it all turned out like this. I don’t really know for sure, and I doubt I ever will. So for now, I think I just need to let these thoughts go. I need to do a better job of trying to forget the past hurts. I just need to let it all go and try to get back to feeling like me again.

Saying goodbye to social media

~ ~M ~ 26 Comments

There have been so many disappointments in my life over the past several years and I think a lot of those issues started with being on social media and the repercussions that came with being on there.  I have mulled over this subject for months and months now and I have finally decided that the time has come for me to close all of my social media accounts.  And as many of you have probably noticed, I haven’t been writing much in recent days.  I just feel like I need to take a step back in many ways.  I have so many other priorities right now and I feel like I need to be focusing my time in other areas of my life.  If any of you need to contact me, I can still be reached by email which can be found if you click on my Gravatar.  Thank you all for understanding, and I will still be providing the writing prompts every month and doing my best to keep up with all of that.  Love you guys… ~M xo