Him vs. Her – Page 2 – Putting My Feet in the Dirt

Fighting-08-08-10-398x400

Do you ever find yourself getting frustrated by the annoying little things that your spouse does? And do you allow those things to become bigger issues than they really should be?

I can think of a zillion times when my husband and I have fought over the most pointless things. For example, I used to get mad at him for leaving his dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor. It wouldn’t have bothered me so much, but when there’s a dirty clothes hamper two feet away, it just seems lazy and almost disrespectful to assume that your wife will pick them up and put them in the hamper for you.

Fortunately, I don’t get mad about the clothes anymore. I do however still get upset when he leaves his size 14 shoes in the middle of the bedroom at night. I mean… who wouldn’t trip over those bad boys in the middle of the night on their way to the bathroom? It’s like he’s setting a trap for me to fall and break my neck! I wonder… is he secretly trying to do away with me? I’d like to think not, but seriously… little things like this can be the cause of some hefty arguments, and a whole lot of late night swearing.

I also think that at the root of every small disagreement, there usually lies a much bigger problem that has yet to be brought up. All it takes is that one little annoying thing that he or she does, to eventually fuel the fire. Oh I hate it when that happens! And when it finally does, one of us is usually regretting the little mishap that started the explosive reaction in the first place.

Our biggest petty disagreement in recent years has been the thermostat. I like the house to be warm and hubby likes it cool. I grew up in sunny California and so I don’t think my body has ever really acclimated to the weather here in Wisconsin. I know this is such a trivial thing to fight over, but I have gone to bed mad at him on more than one occasion, because he didn’t want me to change the temperature on the thermostat. What gets me the most, is when he denies he has changed the temperature, even when I know he has! Why lie about something so insignificant? Oh he can be so sneaky sometimes!

We have now made an agreement, that I am the “official” keeper of the thermostat. Since I’m home more often than he is, we agreed that I should be the one regulating the temperature in the house. I actually think it was my final threat of going to a hotel to sleep for the night, which finally convinced him to let me have my way. I was very serious at the time and since I’m so stubborn, he knows that when I threaten to do something like this, I may just do it! Thankfully he puts up with my obnoxious behavior and has a very forgiving heart. 🙂

Now that we’ve been married, forever… we often find ourselves looking back at a lot of those trivial moments and we can actually laugh about most of them now. Of course back in the early days of our marriage, we really had a hard time letting go of such unimportant things and our marriage really suffered because of it. We’ve definitely learned how to compromise more, and although I still have my hormonally challenging moments like any woman, his response to my moods has changed for the better.

My husband no longer reacts to my stupid remarks the way he used to, he lets me have time to vent my frustrations and he doesn’t try to remedy the situation. Instead, he just simply listens and tells me he’s sorry. I am amazed by how he has learned to stay calm and not overreact to the stress that I’m feeling. By him being the more level headed person, it calms me down and then I find myself able to let go of the issue and move on more easily.

I feel blessed that after all these years of marriage, I really can’t find too many things that frustrate or annoy me about my husband. Yes, he’s the typical guy with enough burps and farts to clear an entire room, but at the same time… he’s also the one God chose for me to spend the rest of my life with, and honestly… right now, I couldn’t be happier.

Is there anything in your relationship that causes you to feel frustrated or annoyed? And if so, have you found a solution that works for you?

Cartoon found at: nickandzuzu.com

man-ignoring-woman

I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but I have recently decided to bring a bit more diversity to my blog, and I’ve been trying to come up with some suggestions for different topics to write about. So this morning, I had this brilliant idea to ask my husband if he would share his thoughts about what I should write about. He did give me a couple of great ideas; he suggested sharing my recipes, or writing movie reviews. Of course I don’t watch very many movies, and cooking and baking are such a chore already; neither one of these topics seemed very appealing to me. So then an amazing thought came to my mind, why not write about his thoughts? I imagined writing about something that’s important to him, something perhaps he has always wanted to share, but has never been given the chance to. I figured each week, I could write about a topic of his choice and through this, perhaps learn a little bit more about what makes him tick and hopefully have some great conversation in the process. Sounds like a good idea, right?

So I proposed the idea to him like this… I said, “Honey, why don’t I just have you as the topic of my blog every Thursday morning? You could talk about something that is really important to you, something you would like others to know from a guy’s perspective.” He looked up at me with a look that said, tumblr_mil7elNW4w1rm06tco1_400 “What? Are you kidding me?” So then I said, “Oh come on…. if you could voice your opinion and speak on a certain subject, what topic would you choose to discuss?” He responded with these three words… “Peace and quiet.” Of course I started laughing… I mean, what did I really expect from the man who sits in his recliner most mornings, vegging out to re-runs of NCIS, Walking Dead and playing Bubble ~~Bit@h~~ Witch on his kindle. Did I really think he would have something more to offer, as far as insightful conversation goes? In the entire 22 years we’ve been married, he has never been much of a talker, so I should have known better than to propose such an outlandish idea. Oh I love my husband, I really do… he has so many other amazing qualities, but what I really wish he would do, is talk to me more. This is the main thing our relationship lacks, and to me it’s a pretty big deal.

In my experience, men seem completely content to go into their “nothing box” and stay there for as long as they’re allowed. 7c4406b41eedbdf6fc455b9c301267f3 This of course drives women crazy, as we desperately want to have meaningful conversation and not feel like were always being ignored. I have met a few men that could carry a rather decent conversation, but it is always short lived; and why is this? Why doesn’t meaningful conversation ever last between men and women? I suppose since men are less emotional than women, maybe they just can’t handle the emotional attachment that comes with long drawn out conversations. I’m guessing it wears them out to the point of exhaustion and then they just can’t keep it up. Guys speak up here… Am I right? Are we wearing you out?

I can tell you one thing though, when men shut women out like this, it has a very negative impact on us. We feel hurt, abandoned, and unloved. We were made to be a helper for our husbands; this was the entire reason God made us in the first place and so we try our best to do this. Unfortunately we don’t often feel appreciated for what we do and so then we withdraw and leave our men wondering why suddenly we don’t want anything to do with them anymore. Guys please hear what I’m saying… you can’t just want us when it’s convenient for you; women are not okay with that. So if your wife wants to talk to you and have meaningful conversation, listen to her and say something meaningful back.

And for all you women out there… stop trying to talk to your man during the wee hours of the morning. You can’t expect him to comprehend anything you’re saying when he is tired and not thinking clearly. Your words will fall on deaf ears! bigstock-Snoring-man-Couple-in-bed-ma-31765232 He will quite literally fall asleep on you! I know because I have made this mistake all too often and then I’ve been disappointed because of it. Oh and don’t follow him into the bathroom… men hate this more than anything else. That’s his private throne room, so stay out! I think it boils down to this… meaningful conversation leads to good communication and without this, our marriages are sure to fail. So talk to each other when you have the opportunity and make the effort to spend time with one another. If you want to be happy, it takes both of you to make it happen.