Disheartened

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“In a world filled with so much hate, I’m often surprised there is any love left at all.”  ~M


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A truth I often try to deny…

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“If your Bible is closed, then you will feel distant from God. His word and truth are written there. It’s a gateway, not just a book, a two-way highway to heaven.”    ~Carl Webber

This quote was written by my closest friend and confidant, and every time I see it, I feel convicted to pick up my Bible and read it. I love this quote so much, that I printed it out and have it framed on a shelf in my office. It’s a constant reminder to me of a truth that I often try to deny. I’ve really been struggling in recent days. It’s very hard to believe and have faith in God when he isn’t here in the flesh. And even though I still feel his presence every single day, I just wish he’d reveal more of himself to me. I think anyone who believes in God feels like this from time to time. I guess I’m just feeling very discouraged at the moment. My life isn’t how I want it to be, and deep down, I think I often try to blame God for my unhappiness. But I’ve got to remember that he didn’t promise me a perfect life, and I really should be grateful to him that I have any life at all. Anyway, these are the thoughts swirling around my head on this beautiful Monday afternoon. Hope all of you are having a good start to your week. ~M xo

#weekendcoffeeshare – Loss of a friend

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If we were having coffee, I’d tell you how very sad I’ve been feeling over the past couple of weeks.  It’s been a very tough month for me, and I’m living with so many unanswered questions.

Near the beginning of the month, I lost my closest friend.  I haven’t dealt with it very well, but I’m trying my best to let go.  For whatever reason, my friend decided to move on without telling me they were leaving.

I think the hardest part for me, is not knowing why; and I know I never will.  The reason I know I never will, is because I dreamt of them leaving.  It was a fairly recent dream, one I dreamt a few weeks before they disappeared.  I didn’t understand the meaning then, but of course I do now.  I cannot even fathom why they left, especially without saying goodbye; other than maybe they just had no other choice.

I admit at first, I was angry and hurt, and I vowed to myself that I would never trust another person again.  And yes my guard is still up, but I did allow myself to visit with a woman who lives nearby, and it did help to speak with her. I poured my heart out to her and she listened.  She eventually told me it was probably for the better; and even though I hesitate to agree with her, in the back of my mind, I know she’s probably right.

So as hard as it is to live with this sense of loss and pain in my heart, I know I will eventually be okay.  Every day that passes, is another day to find other things to be happy about; and to try and find contentment, even in the monotony of everyday life.

I have never been a quitter, and so I will not give up trying to find a positive light, even in this.  The Lord knows my path better than me, and so I have to ultimately give all of this to him, and let him show me where I should go from here.


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