He was the boy
Who brought a smile
Wherever he went
Yes, he was that boy…
And my tears just won’t relent
*Sorry folks, but grief won out tonight… ~M
Photo credit: pixabay.com
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you how very sad I’ve been feeling over the past couple of weeks. It’s been a very tough month for me, and I’m living with so many unanswered questions.
Near the beginning of the month, I lost my closest friend. I haven’t dealt with it very well, but I’m trying my best to let go. For whatever reason, my friend decided to move on without telling me they were leaving.
I think the hardest part for me, is not knowing why; and I know I never will. The reason I know I never will, is because I dreamt of them leaving. It was a fairly recent dream, one I dreamt a few weeks before they disappeared. I didn’t understand the meaning then, but of course I do now. I cannot even fathom why they left, especially without saying goodbye; other than maybe they just had no other choice.
I admit at first, I was angry and hurt, and I vowed to myself that I would never trust another person again. And yes my guard is still up, but I did allow myself to visit with a woman who lives nearby, and it did help to speak with her. I poured my heart out to her and she listened. She eventually told me it was probably for the better; and even though I hesitate to agree with her, in the back of my mind, I know she’s probably right.
So as hard as it is to live with this sense of loss and pain in my heart, I know I will eventually be okay. Every day that passes, is another day to find other things to be happy about; and to try and find contentment, even in the monotony of everyday life.
I have never been a quitter, and so I will not give up trying to find a positive light, even in this. The Lord knows my path better than me, and so I have to ultimately give all of this to him, and let him show me where I should go from here.
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Photo credit: pixabay.com
I thought I’d lost someone today. Someone who has filled a void in my heart, like nobody else ever has. I can’t imagine going through the rest of my life without this sweet person. They mean the world to me and have become my closest and most trusted confidant. I have never had a friend quite like this particular one, and the thought of losing them left me feeling heartbroken.
I tried to go about my day as usual, but eventually the tears erupted for the millionth time and I could no longer hold back how terrible I felt. My hubby tried to console me, tried to reassure me that I hadn’t lost them. And yet I’m still not quite sure where I stand.
My daughter Autumn came up to me this morning and asked me what she should draw for art class. Thinking about how happy this friend of mine has always made me feel, I told her to draw what makes her the happiest. A little while later, she brought back this picture of me and her. It was the sweetest gesture and a drawing I will always treasure, because happiness to her, means her and me together.
Happiness is always about having those special people in our lives that mean the most to us. We cannot even hope for anything better. So to my dear friend C… If you by chance happen to read this. You will always be a treasured friend to me and I love you as if you are part of my family. I prayed my whole life for somebody like you, so please don’t ever forget how much you mean to me.
Love, ~M xoxo