Through it all, His love remains…

I’m sure many of you have noticed that I have suddenly gone quiet.  I have been purposely trying to limit myself to as few distractions as possible right now.  It isn’t because I don’t love and care about all of you.  I just really need time away to figure out my life at the moment.

This week is all about soul searching; finding out who I am as a person, and figuring out where I need to go from here.  I suppose most of us face a time in our lives when we have to figure things out; preferably on our own without the noise of the world confusing our hearts and minds.

I realize this isn’t the most opportune time for some of you who really need me right now.  However, without this time away, I highly doubt I would continue to be of much good to anybody.  I’ve just gotten to such a low point in my life, which is why I need to disconnect for a while.  It’s do or die time for me.

I’ve been feeling so separated from everyone and everything that matters to me.  I have also been struggling to figure out what my purpose and plan is for my future.  I seem to have lost sight of everything that I was once so certain of.

So this week, I’m hoping to hear from God in an amazing way; and to my surprise, I already have.  After crying out to him and not hearing anything for such a long time, I finally heard his voice in a dream just a few days go.  He gave me a specific verse which I plan to memorize this week and I have been posting it all over the place, so that I never forget his message to me.

The verse is Isaiah 54:10, which says… Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

I had no recollection of ever reading this verse, and I was a bit reluctant to look it up after I awoke from my dream.  After hearing that still small voice repeatedly telling me to look it up, I finally did.  The words were exactly what I needed to hear from God and regardless of the original context, I know this verse was given to me in that very moment to help me in my own life.

After all the things I have been going through over these last two years, and after all the guilt and shame I have been feeling for quite a while now, God took the time to remind me that I’m still important to him.  He also reminded me that no matter what I do, he will never stop loving me.  He wants me to feel his peace and wants me to know that he has forgiven every wrong thing that I have ever done.  For as the verse says, he has compassion on me.

After reading Isaiah 54:10, I continued reading on and found the Lord speaking to me through many other passages of scripture as well.  The answers to all of my struggles are all right there, just waiting for me to grab hold of and put into action in my own life.

I’m excited to hear God’s voice again.  I had started to believe that I was too far gone to ever hear from him again.  And yet here he is, taking me back in his loving arms.  Despite everything that has happened, he is still here; forgiving me and loving me with the kind of love that I had forgotten even existed.  I had been searching in all the wrong places, when all I needed to do was seek him.  He has everything I need and so much more.

So I’m taking a break, letting him fill me up with his love and letting him lead me.  Because I’ve realized something; without God in my life, I have nothing, I am nothing, and I’m ultimately left without a purpose or passion for life.  I hope if any of you are feeling lost and separated from him, that you will find your way back too.  He’s there… reach out and take his hand.  I promise you, you’ll be amazed by what he has to offer.

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Whitewater Lake

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Whitewater Lake isn’t far from where I live.  We had such an amazing afternoon there, and so I wanted to share some of the pictures I took.  This was one of the most perfect ways to spend one of the last few days of summer.  My girls had a blast watching the turtles and the muskrats that were floating on the surface of the water.  They even tried to make their own fishing poles while we were there and attempted to catch some fish.  Overall, it was a very fun day and I’m thankful that I had the opportunity to spend this time with my girls.

The dreaded 666

Ok so the number 666 has been occurring way too often today.  First, there was the price of my plane ticket $666.00 (So I opted to add the insurance after I saw that!)  Do you think they purposely planned that price?  Secondly, I received a confirmation number for something that I ordered, which showed 666 as the last and only numeric digits.  Lastly, I was just going to check my Twitter account, and at the top of the page it showed that I had 666 new Tweets.  I suppose I shouldn’t be too worried, unless the clock suddenly reads 6:66…

I’m here for you if you need me….

Ok so… the strangest thing just happened to me about an hour ago.  I was on my phone and a message popped up that said “If you need me, I’m here for you.”  That was all it said and then my phone shut off and wouldn’t turn back on for about 30 mins.  After finally getting my phone to work again, the message is nowhere to be found.  I have checked all my emails, messages, all my apps, and there is simply no message saying that anywhere.  The craziest thing is, I have been really down in the dumps lately and feel like I don’t always have somebody who I can immediately turn to.  I know I can always turn to God, but sometimes it’s so hard for me to want to turn to somebody who I can’t see, feel, or talk to face-to-face.  So honestly, even though I know God is always there, I need human contact!  A true living breathing friend who wants to know me and listen to me when I need them.  And yet I have a feeling that God was trying to get my attention tonight.  Are you really there God?  And if you’re listening… I really do need you…  Love, ~Me

Dare You To Move – Switchfoot

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone’s here
Everyone’s here

Everybody’s watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift
Yourself up off by the floor

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here

Between who you are
And who you could be
Between how it is
And how it should be yeah

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift
Yourself up off by the floor

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
To lift yourself up off by the floor

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

 

No talking back!

I’ve always felt bad for sharing what’s on my mind.  Maybe this sort of feeling stems from my childhood, back when children were to be “seen and not heard.”  I wasn’t allowed to voice my opinions about anything or express my emotions without being told I was, “talking back.”

I was a very shy and quiet child, but as the years went by, I grew completely tired of having to stay quiet.  My mother was happy with me, as long as I did what I was told and didn’t interrupt.  By the time high school rolled around, I had had enough of being silent, and I began rebelling against my mother.

I think I threw her into a tizzy the day I finally left home.  My mother had kept me in a submissive rut for too many years.  She stifled my ability to have friends and had controlled my entire life.  I couldn’t take it any longer and after she dared me to leave, I was all too eager to accept the invitation.

After the last yelling match we ever had, I ran to my room in a huff, packed a bag, and left before she even had a chance to know what I was up to.  I never looked back and I’ve never once regretted my decision.  It felt so good to finally be free.  Yes, I was only 18 years old at the time and I hadn’t even finished high school yet, but I was determined to make it on my own and I did.

Still to this day, I find it easy to let go of people in my life who try to drag me down; especially those who try to control me.  And I feel so awful for the people around me, who let others get away with controlling them.  I also have no room for people who really don’t want to be a part of my everyday life and those who would rather keep me at arm’s length.  I lived that sort of life for far too long and life is too short to live like that again.

I suppose that’s why in the last year, I’ve turned to writing poetry.  I can say what I want, without anybody really knowing what I am actually writing about.  I can be serious, funny, or completely imaginative.  That’s the wonderful thing about writing, I can tell any story I want, true or not, and I don’t have to answer to anybody for it.  This is what I love most about blogging and this is why I continue to write.

WordPress has become sort of a home away from home for me.  It allows me to share my daily burdens and pain, along with my hopes and dreams for the future.  It’s the only place I can really share my heart completely and not be told to keep silent.  There’s freedom in being able to share one’s deepest thoughts and desires and there’s happiness in being able to express one’s ideas and viewpoints without criticism.  So thank you to all of you for being such good listeners and for offering your love and support along the way.  It’s meant the world to me.  ~M

Lake Superior & the Apostle Islands

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There are a few places I visited this past summer, which I have still not shared with any of you.  So today I have decided to show you what it was like to explore Lake Superior and the Apostle Islands.

IMG_2913Lake Superior is surrounded by three different states (Wisconsin, Michigan, and Minnesota) and Ontario, Canada as well.  Lake Superior is also the world’s largest freshwater lake and I was surprised by how large it really is.  In fact, when you are standing near the waters edge, it gives you the illusion that you are actually looking at an ocean instead of an actual lake.  The only difference was the lack of a sandy beach from where we were.

IMG_2945I recently learned that Lake Superior has over 400 islands.  The apostle islands are a group of 22 islands off the Bayfield peninsula in Northern Wisconsin, and this is where we decided to spend our first day.  We chose Madeline Island in particular for our first destination.  Madeline Island is located in the Chequamegon Bay area of Lake Superior. To get there, we had to drive to Bayfield, Wisconsin and then take a 2.5 mile ferry trip in order to reach the island.

IMG_3537We took our car with us on the ferry ride over and because of this, we were able to drive to the state park which is in more of a remote area of the island.  I was quite impressed by how serene it was there.  I felt as if I had stepped into another world, since there were hardly any other people around.   Don’t get me wrong though, there are still quite a few people that live on Madeline Island.  During the winter months, access to the ferry is impossible.  So I am not sure how people live there during the winter season.  I suppose all of their supplies must be flown in.  I could actually imagine myself living there someday.  I think it would be the perfect place to be flooded with inspiration.

IMG_3536After exploring Madeline Island, we made our way back to Bayfield, Wisconsin and found it to be quite a charming place.  The shops were bustling with tourists and there were quite a few places to eat.  As the sun began to set, there was a live concert down by the waters edge and everyone in the town seemed to converge upon the scene all at once.  Avoiding the crowds, we opted to eat at a restaurant in a less crowded area and the food was amazing!  After dinner, we walked around the town for a little while longer, just enjoying the sights and sounds of this amazing small town.  We stayed until most of the shops started to close.

IMG_3517On the way home, we pulled off the road into a viewing area and stepped out to look at the night sky.  We could clearly see the Milky Way.  It felt as if we could almost reach out and touch it.  Such a breathtaking sight, and then we witnessed a meteor shower as well.  The only disappointing part, was that we were not able to see the Northern Lights while we were there.  I have only seen them occur once in my life and so I had hoped for the opportunity to see them once again.  Oh well, it gives me another reason to go back again.  Here’s a poem I wrote, about my experience of seeing the northern lights for the first time.

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Give a smile… God knows somebody probably needs one right now.

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So after spending the majority of last night in the ER with my daughter Amy who was ill.  Here’s all I can really think of to say….

 

“The most attractive thing in the entire world, is when someone smiles.”  ~M

 

We were blessed by the many wonderful smiles we received by the hospital staff last night.  It really made a difference!  Also, thank you to those rare but true friends of mine, the ones who never cease to make me smile.  I am truly blessed because of you!  ❤