The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
‘Cause I’ll doze off safe and soundly
But I’ll miss your arms around me
I’d send a postcard to you, dear
‘Cause I wish you were here
I’ll watch the night turn light blue
But it’s not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn’t so bad
‘Til I look at my hands and feel sad
‘Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly
I’ll find repose in new ways
Though I haven’t slept in two days
‘Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I’ll sit on the front porch all night
Waist deep in thought because when
I think of you I don’t feel so alone
I don’t feel so alone
I don’t feel so alone
As many times as I blink
I’ll think of you tonight
I’ll think of you tonight
When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I’ll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I’ll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won’t forget you
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past
I’d whisper in your ear,
“Oh darling I wish you were here”
Did you realize that if you spell the word “live” backwards, it spells the word “evil,” and if you spell the word “lived” backwards, it spells the word “devil?” Is this perhaps the reason, that life is often considered a “living hell?” ~M
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you how very sad I’ve been feeling over the past couple of weeks. It’s been a very tough month for me, and I’m living with so many unanswered questions.
Near the beginning of the month, I lost my closest friend. I haven’t dealt with it very well, but I’m trying my best to let go. For whatever reason, my friend decided to move on without telling me they were leaving.
I think the hardest part for me, is not knowing why; and I know I never will. The reason I know I never will, is because I dreamt of them leaving. It was a fairly recent dream, one I dreamt a few weeks before they disappeared. I didn’t understand the meaning then, but of course I do now. I cannot even fathom why they left, especially without saying goodbye; other than maybe they just had no other choice.
I admit at first, I was angry and hurt, and I vowed to myself that I would never trust another person again. And yes my guard is still up, but I did allow myself to visit with a woman who lives nearby, and it did help to speak with her. I poured my heart out to her and she listened. She eventually told me it was probably for the better; and even though I hesitate to agree with her, in the back of my mind, I know she’s probably right.
So as hard as it is to live with this sense of loss and pain in my heart, I know I will eventually be okay. Every day that passes, is another day to find other things to be happy about; and to try and find contentment, even in the monotony of everyday life.
I have never been a quitter, and so I will not give up trying to find a positive light, even in this. The Lord knows my path better than me, and so I have to ultimately give all of this to him, and let him show me where I should go from here.
I’ve been thinking about getting back into drawing and painting. It’s been such a long time since I’ve done much of anything. The most I seem to accomplish anymore, is explaining certain art techniques to my girls.
Today I came across these old art projects of mine. I painted the tiger 29 years ago, and I drew the sketch of my oldest daughter when she was 2 years old. Unfortunately, neither one of these projects has ever been completely finished.
The painting of the tiger was for a class project. There were three of us in the class, who were basically given the same assignment. We were all told to draw the same tiger, and we were given a photo out of a magazine to share as a reference. The only difference was, I was assigned the job of painting the tiger, while another girl was told to draw hers using ink, and the boy who was chosen, was told to use pencil.
I have to say, their drawings turned out so much better than my painting. I wish I had a picture of their completed assignments. They were both amazingly talented, and I felt quite inferior when I saw their finished results. In fact, the girl in my class, actually won an award for her ink drawing. I am quite sure she must have gone on, and made a career out of her artistic abilities.
I was quite disappointed, because I ran out of time for completing my assignment. It was the first time I had ever had the opportunity to do a painting, and so it took me awhile to figure out how to work with the acrylic paints. Plus, I was in a drawing class at the time, and my teacher decided to have me be the only student to do a painting. So I really had no idea what I was doing.
My teacher must have known that I’d be able to figure it out though, and so he sent me home with a set of paints to play around with. I really wish I could have spent more time on the project. The bottom portion of the painting lacks the detail I wanted to add; but because I was forced to hand the painting in for grading, I had to leave it unfinished. I remember the day the project was due, I got to class 10 minutes early, just so I could add the whiskers. Nothing like waiting until the last minute! Lol…
So what do all of you you think? Should I attempt to throw myself back into a little bit of artwork once again? It might be fun to at least designate one night a week for drawing or painting. I’m still unsure of where to even begin at this point in my life, but I think it would be a nice change of pace once and awhile.