Tag: hope

Heart issues…

~ ~M ~ 6 Comments

shadow-of-me-edited

Yesterday I had the opportunity to visit Copper Falls State Park, in northern Wisconsin.  Hubby and I have been having quite a rough patch lately and so we decided that we really needed a day away to just enjoy the beauty of God’s wonderful creation.  Whenever we’re feeling far away from each other, we are usually feeling very much apart from God as well, and it always seems the closer we get to God, the closer we get to each other.

It’s been a very tough year for us and I have been searching for answers to try and sort things out for both of us.  It’s hard to admit it, but I really feel like we have drifted apart in a way that makes it very difficult to reconnect.  I would say outwardly, we look like the perfect couple.  We never fight or argue, we have fun together, we laugh, we are still very intimate, and we generally like to spend time with each other.  I know most people would be saying at this point, well than what’s the problem?

The problem seems to be a heart issue with me.  I love this man of mine dearly, but I don’t feel that I am in-love with him.  I find myself so often wishing that I could change the way I feel about him, but the more I try, the more hopeless I become.  Can I stay married to somebody that I am not in-love with?  I would say absolutely yes.  I have lived this way for so long now, feeling this way about him, and so it has become routine for me.  I don’t believe in divorce and I know that life isn’t always greener on the other side anyway.  So I feel I just need to go along with who I chose to be with, who I made lifelong vows to, and just accept the fact that there is one significant piece missing, and hope I will someday find that missing piece within our relationship.

We have a very unique relationship in that he knows my deepest darkest secrets, and I know his as well.  Knowing those things is very hard and not always easy to understand, and yet we both accept each other for who we are and try to move forward every day.  Neither one of us has ever wanted to give up on the other, and he has really been patient with me lately, just wanting me to find happiness, even if it isn’t with him.  And so we continue on, hoping that the future will bring clarity to both of us.  Life isn’t always easy, but I believe I am blessed in a million amazing ways and I never want to take those blessings for granted.

On my way to my first million!

~ ~M ~ 18 Comments

I’m rich!!!  Lol… First .70₵ ever earned from writing!  Hey…. it’s a start, right? 

 

Total Earnings (as of 9/15/2016): $0.70
Unpaid Earnings: $0.70

August 2016 Earnings: $0.70
July 2016 Total Subscribers: 1
July 2016 Subscriber Factor: $0.6954

It Is Well – Bethel Music

~ ~M

Through it all my eyes are on Him….  This is all I can think about today.

 

Through it all, His love remains…

~ ~M

I’m sure many of you have noticed that I have suddenly gone quiet.  I have been purposely trying to limit myself to as few distractions as possible right now.  It isn’t because I don’t love and care about all of you.  I just really need time away to figure out my life at the moment.

This week is all about soul searching; finding out who I am as a person, and figuring out where I need to go from here.  I suppose most of us face a time in our lives when we have to figure things out; preferably on our own without the noise of the world confusing our hearts and minds.

I realize this isn’t the most opportune time for some of you who really need me right now.  However, without this time away, I highly doubt I would continue to be of much good to anybody.  I’ve just gotten to such a low point in my life, which is why I need to disconnect for a while.  It’s do or die time for me.

I’ve been feeling so separated from everyone and everything that matters to me.  I have also been struggling to figure out what my purpose and plan is for my future.  I seem to have lost sight of everything that I was once so certain of.

So this week, I’m hoping to hear from God in an amazing way; and to my surprise, I already have.  After crying out to him and not hearing anything for such a long time, I finally heard his voice in a dream just a few days go.  He gave me a specific verse which I plan to memorize this week and I have been posting it all over the place, so that I never forget his message to me.

The verse is Isaiah 54:10, which says… Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

I had no recollection of ever reading this verse, and I was a bit reluctant to look it up after I awoke from my dream.  After hearing that still small voice repeatedly telling me to look it up, I finally did.  The words were exactly what I needed to hear from God and regardless of the original context, I know this verse was given to me in that very moment to help me in my own life.

After all the things I have been going through over these last two years, and after all the guilt and shame I have been feeling for quite a while now, God took the time to remind me that I’m still important to him.  He also reminded me that no matter what I do, he will never stop loving me.  He wants me to feel his peace and wants me to know that he has forgiven every wrong thing that I have ever done.  For as the verse says, he has compassion on me.

After reading Isaiah 54:10, I continued reading on and found the Lord speaking to me through many other passages of scripture as well.  The answers to all of my struggles are all right there, just waiting for me to grab hold of and put into action in my own life.

I’m excited to hear God’s voice again.  I had started to believe that I was too far gone to ever hear from him again.  And yet here he is, taking me back in his loving arms.  Despite everything that has happened, he is still here; forgiving me and loving me with the kind of love that I had forgotten even existed.  I had been searching in all the wrong places, when all I needed to do was seek him.  He has everything I need and so much more.

So I’m taking a break, letting him fill me up with his love and letting him lead me.  Because I’ve realized something; without God in my life, I have nothing, I am nothing, and I’m ultimately left without a purpose or passion for life.  I hope if any of you are feeling lost and separated from him, that you will find your way back too.  He’s there… reach out and take his hand.  I promise you, you’ll be amazed by what he has to offer.

I’m here for you if you need me….

~ ~M ~ 23 Comments

Ok so… the strangest thing just happened to me about an hour ago.  I was on my phone and a message popped up that said “If you need me, I’m here for you.”  That was all it said and then my phone shut off and wouldn’t turn back on for about 30 mins.  After finally getting my phone to work again, the message is nowhere to be found.  I have checked all my emails, messages, all my apps, and there is simply no message saying that anywhere.  The craziest thing is, I have been really down in the dumps lately and feel like I don’t always have somebody who I can immediately turn to.  I know I can always turn to God, but sometimes it’s so hard for me to want to turn to somebody who I can’t see, feel, or talk to face-to-face.  So honestly, even though I know God is always there, I need human contact!  A true living breathing friend who wants to know me and listen to me when I need them.  And yet I have a feeling that God was trying to get my attention tonight.  Are you really there God?  And if you’re listening… I really do need you…  Love, ~Me