Yesterday I had the opportunity to visit Copper Falls State Park, in northern Wisconsin. Hubby and I have been having quite a rough patch lately and so we decided that we really needed a day away to just enjoy the beauty of God’s wonderful creation. Whenever we’re feeling far away from each other, we are usually feeling very much apart from God as well, and it always seems the closer we get to God, the closer we get to each other.
It’s been a very tough year for us and I have been searching for answers to try and sort things out for both of us. It’s hard to admit it, but I really feel like we have drifted apart in a way that makes it very difficult to reconnect. I would say outwardly, we look like the perfect couple. We never fight or argue, we have fun together, we laugh, we are still very intimate, and we generally like to spend time with each other. I know most people would be saying at this point, well than what’s the problem?
The problem seems to be a heart issue with me. I love this man of mine dearly, but I don’t feel that I am in-love with him. I find myself so often wishing that I could change the way I feel about him, but the more I try, the more hopeless I become. Can I stay married to somebody that I am not in-love with? I would say absolutely yes. I have lived this way for so long now, feeling this way about him, and so it has become routine for me. I don’t believe in divorce and I know that life isn’t always greener on the other side anyway. So I feel I just need to go along with who I chose to be with, who I made lifelong vows to, and just accept the fact that there is one significant piece missing, and hope I will someday find that missing piece within our relationship.
We have a very unique relationship in that he knows my deepest darkest secrets, and I know his as well. Knowing those things is very hard and not always easy to understand, and yet we both accept each other for who we are and try to move forward every day. Neither one of us has ever wanted to give up on the other, and he has really been patient with me lately, just wanting me to find happiness, even if it isn’t with him. And so we continue on, hoping that the future will bring clarity to both of us. Life isn’t always easy, but I believe I am blessed in a million amazing ways and I never want to take those blessings for granted.