A dream that I will never forget…

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I dreamt this dream so very long ago that the exact date escapes me, but here goes my best recollection. I believe the dream came to me in 2005 and it was at this time in my life when I was suffering through a spiritual battle that had been waging war over my soul for fifteen long years. The battle was now reaching its climax and I would either defeat this battle or lose everything in the process. Little did I know that this dream would serve as a turning point in my life. Here is what was going on in my life during the years that led up to this dream…

Without my knowledge, but as I would come to realize later, the Lord was fighting alongside me every step of the way. I fought him daily and searched for answers to my questions in the darkest of places. I felt as if my whole life had been a lie and I wanted the truth for once in my life. I had come to the conclusion that God must not be who I thought he was; because if he was, certainly he would be helping me, instead of always causing me so much pain.

I chose to look for another god, one who fit into my idea of what God should look like, one who could make me happier, one who didn’t ask so much of me. I fell into a hopeless tailspin as I searched and I was sucked into a pit that I couldn’t climb out of. I searched out every lie that had ever been told and I tried to believe every last one of them. I was certain that I could convince myself that the one true God wasn’t real, that somehow there must be another. So I searched and searched…

At first, I found other gods to be quite interesting and I felt as if I could somehow be happier if I could just understand their mysterious ways. I began my spiritual journey of self-improvement by studying natural health and I fell in love with the natural ways of healing. I found quotes by Buddha inspiring and listened to meditation music in order to relax and cleanse my soul of the darkness that I felt. I thought about ideas like reincarnation and how such transformations could quite possibly be truthful. I bought books about other religions of the world and studied them in order to find the true meaning of life.

I was convinced that I had been brainwashed my entire life. Surely there was no such thing as a man named Jesus who had come to earth to save me from my unrighteous ways. Did I really need saving anyway? Life seemed so much easier not having to live out all of those silly commandments and I wanted to be free of the condemnation that I constantly felt from other Christians. I assumed everything I had grown up believing was false, because I surely wasn’t getting anywhere fast by following Christ. I figured if the God I had been told about really existed, that my life would be wonderful all of the time. If he truly loved me, wouldn’t I feel that love always? Wouldn’t I be free of the pain and the suffering that I was constantly being tormented with? I was convinced he was the biggest lie of all and yet every time I turned my back on him, every time I tried to be free of his steadfast love, I felt the darkness growing inside of me; consuming me to the point in which I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

I went so far as to apply for a job working at a nature preserve, where a Wiccan clan needed a part-time secretary. Their lives seemed so much more happy and fulfilling and they seemed like they had everything figured out. I wanted what they had for myself and so I attended their workshops and grew in love with their peaceful ideas. I received a call one night from them, asking me to come in and interview on Halloween night. They said that I could come and join their party and wanted to interview me during the night’s events. As I spoke with the woman on the phone, my heart sunk deeper into my chest. I could hardly breathe and a pit formed in my stomach that was like nothing I had ever felt. Oh I so wanted to go and make a new life for myself, but something held me back. I started to tell the woman that I would be there, but somehow my words changed and I ended up telling her that I had other plans and that I wouldn’t be able to come. I was furious with myself when I hung up the phone and yet somehow I felt lighter, as if some of the darkness within me had somehow just evaporated.

A few years went by and I continued my schooling in natural health. I also continued to look for ways to make my life more fulfilling. I quit my job working as a laboratory assistant for a Biotechnology company and my family and I moved to the country where I discovered some of the much needed peace that I had been searching for. I still kept searching for some sense of truth, but I just couldn’t seem to find anything that made sense to me. Every time I sought a new religious idea, every time I flew in a different direction, reaching out for answers, I couldn’t find an ounce of truth in any of them. Sure, many ideas were lovely thoughts and some even brought me temporary happiness, but it was all fruitless in the end and my joy continued to leave me, as I sank further and further into the depths of despair. Which now leads me to my dream…

I was in a pitch black room and tried blinking my eyes a few times so that my eyes would adjust to the darkness that engulfed me. I realized very quickly that I was sitting on the lap of a giant man. He had to be at least eight feet tall and was dressed like a roman soldier. His attire was red and gold in color and he had leather straps that wove their way up his legs in order to affix his sandals to his feet. The armor he wore was shiny and new and he looked as if he had the strength of a thousand men.

He was completely bald and clean shaven. The massiveness of his body made me look tiny in comparison and he held me close against his body. His arms were wrapped firmly around me, yet lovingly and gentle. As I looked up into his eyes, I saw a tear escape and slide down his brilliant face. He was the most beautiful man I had ever laid eyes upon. His skin was the color of bronze and his eyes spoke of a love that of which I had never known. There was a brilliant glow that seemed to flow freely about his entire body. The glow resembled a wave of light and left me feeling complete elation as I reveled in his splendid beauty.

His head hung low, as if he were deeply saddened by something or someone and I began to look around the room to see if I could figure out what was causing him so much pain. Now that my eyes had begun to adjust to the darkness, I noticed shadows all around us. Their presence spoke of a deadly evil that lurked in the shadows of the vilest of places and they charged at us from all directions.

After focusing a little more, I noticed their daggers were plunging deep into his body. His loving arms were protecting me from the sharp blades that pierced his flesh over and over again. Then I noticed that he was actually moving the entire time as I sat there quietly in his lap. It was if he was moving at warp speed, blocking every dagger that was meant to take my life. I looked back up into his eyes and even though he did not speak, I understood that the life I had been living apart from him, had been literally killing him.

He was suffering because of my sin and he was absorbing all of the attacks that were meant for me. He was doing all of this in order to save me from the evil that I had let come into my life. Once realizing my mistake, I began to cry and he held me in his loving arms, rocking me and gently wiping away every tear that escaped my worn out earthly body. I had never felt so loved in all my life and I didn’t want to leave him. I snuggled in closer to his body. The warmth of his love spread through me like a fire that could not be contained and when I suddenly awakened, I knew that he was real.

For the first time in my life, I now understood what I could never figure out on my own. I felt his love as it burned through my body, consuming me to the most inner parts of my being. I wept in the darkness of my bedroom. Wanting him back and yet realizing now that he was actually there and always had been. I just needed him to show me who he was and how much he really did love me. I needed him to hold me in order to feel his true presence and he gave me what my heart had desired for so long.

The feelings of his love from that moment on, have stayed with me since then and I will never forget the glimpse into his world that he showed me that day. Jesus is the light in the darkness when we cannot find our way. He is our healer and our creator and he is everything that I ever wanted and so much more. I wasted so many years searching for the truth, when all along he was right there, holding me in his loving arms and he never let me go. Even when I turned away, he never released me, he just held on tighter until I finally found my way back to him. He is my God, my King, and my Savior now and forever. May He reign on high forevermore.

~M

31 responses to “A dream that I will never forget…

  1. AMEN!!!

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  2. Can I just say, that Ave Maria started playing while I was reading this. made me gasp with a smile. This is such a beautiful dream that you retold in remarkable style. 🙂

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  3. I’m so glad Clarissa… this was such a hard one to write about… this has taken me years to write down, because I never thought I could do this dream justice and I didn’t think anybody else would really want to hear about it. I thought to myself today, what do I have to lose? And so I decided to share it once and for all. Hope your week is going well… I also thought it was funny because after I wrote this, I found that our prompt for class is about sleep. What are the chances? 😉

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  4. When I clicked on the title, I thought it was for the class! I was pleasantly mistaken of course because I could feel this post was very heartfelt when you were writing it. I enjoyed reading it and I’m sure that others have and will also. It was a beautiful part of your life story and thank you for sharing. I can’t wait to see what you post for the class! Starting today, my week is alright, I have hopes it will go better in the next few days. Take care, Michelle!

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  5. Aww… thanks Clarissa, you are so kind… I am excited to hear what you decide to do about school. I have been following your posts and I’ll be praying that you will have peace about your decision. It’s so hard to know what to do sometimes… I have a daughter who is about the same age as you and she has been battling similar things at the moment. She is waiting patiently for answers and yet she is feeling so discouraged because she is not getting the answers that she was hoping for. Have a great rest of your week and I look forward to your next post! ~M 😉

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  6. Thank you! I can see where your daughter is coming from, I was heavily discouraged after being rejected from the first program I applied to, it then led to a year of being “stuck”. I hope she doesn’t give up because good things WILL happen! Thank you for your prayers, I will pray for you and your daughter that she get the answers she wants. ❤

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  7. Thanks so much Clarissa… if you want follow my daughters page here’s the link… she doesn’t post much anymore but I think with a little encouragement she might start up again. I hope anyway… http://macaelawritesherheart.com/

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  8. I see where she gets her talent of writing from 🙂 Followed and now reading her posts!

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  9. Thanks Clarissa! And she is a huge HP fan as well! She started this blog when she was really struggling and needed to vent… I have a few of her poems on my blog. They were some of the first things that I ever posted when I started blogging last December. I am glad you decided to follow her, I will let her know, as she rarely gets on here. Have a great day! 🙂

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  10. M
    I didn’t have the dream, my granny shared the bible with me. I couldn’t understand why God, who sent his only son to die for sins would torture. Childhood of child abuse, sexual abuse and domestic violence. I was a drug addict by 12 years old, running away, cutting myself, everyday how can I kill myself today.
    I didn’t think Jesus was a sham but didn’t understand why I had to suffer. One day my granny said, God doesn’t tell you his plan, you may never know. Going on to say chances are he was making me stronger and ready for the next challenge. I live by her words, I’m still in pain but helping others no matter how small made me feel better. My granny was a key to becoming an Ordained Minister.
    As Greg Allman said I’m no angel. God can see in our hearts, he always knows what we need.
    I’m glad you shared your dream. I sometimes spend more time on my illness than what is right and fills my heart.
    Meeting you is sunshine.
    🙂
    M

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  11. I know M… I feel your pain… And this dream is the only thing that holds me together most days…You are so strong and I am blessed to know you…Much love to you my friend… 🙂

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  12. Wow, oh my GOSH!! I had no idea that you’ve endured so much and went to drastic measures to find what you already had. His undying love will never forsake us, no matter how far we flee or how hard we try to find our own happiness, love and comfort.

    Thank you for sharing your heart, Michelle.

    I ran and ran for a very long time, too..

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  13. You’re so right… He always welcomes us back with open arms no matter how far we go… like a good parent I suppose… 😉 I guess this is just another thing that we can both relate to. 🙂

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  14. Yes, I feel that our life circumstances may have differed, but we have more and more in common, and are better friends for it. Our god is an awesome god, and it’s only through His grace (which none of us deserve,) that we’re living today and can return to Him, no matter what happens. There’s no low that we can go and NOT come back home.

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  15. Reblogged this on Putting My Feet in the Dirt and commented:

    Time to repost…. A much needed reminder for myself.

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  16. Intense, Michelle. The depth of your faith makes sense to me after reading this. Dreams are powerful – I’m glad you found your way into peace and happiness 🙂

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  17. Glad you read it D…. This dream has saved me on so many occasions. Reminds me of all the love God has for me and how he really is always there, even when I begin to have my doubts.

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  18. Michele, in Jan this year I told of my near death experience. In your story you speak of the man in “Roman” attire. That was so surprising to me because of an experience I blogged. So I went to my blog and in it I say the following:
    “There were two figures in the room with me which I recognized as angels. They were vastly different. One was the figure of a man dressed in bronze and gold somewhat like a Roman soldier, but he wore a helmet that looked like an English policeman would wear.” Isn’t it amazing that we both had the gold and bronze Roman attire in our experience. My blog regarding that experience is at https://onetahayes.com/2016/01/31/im-glad-i-did-not-die/ I think you would enjoy reading it, especially in light of this astounding dream of yours.

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  19. Wow! Very similar… I have also had a vision of a tunnel leading to heaven. Found it interesting that you mentioned something similar.

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  20. Pingback: A Light In The Darkness – Night Parables

  21. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful dream. Just wonderful! I had a personal encounter with Jesus himself which changed my life forever. I too went in the direction of New Age and you describe perfectly the darkness which slowly takes over you. Now for me, like you, it’s just Jesus. Here is the link to one of my testimonies if you get the time. God Bless jacky x

    https://shofargirl7.wordpress.com/2016/06/16/my-testimony-of-meeting-jesus/

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  22. So glad you liked it. I will definitely read your testimony. Have a blessed day!

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  23. Thank you Michelle. you too! x

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  24. Your story was amazing. Couldn’t find a way to comment on it though. All I can say is Wow!

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  25. Thank you Michelle God Bless you! jacky x

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  26. You’re welcome Jacky! Have a wonderful day!

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  27. Hmm inspiring and intresting

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  28. Thank you…

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