What inspires you?

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What inspires you?

This is the thought running through my mind today as it’s been nearly a month now since I’ve had any inspiration to do much of anything. It’s as if a light switch has been turned off inside my brain and I almost feel as if all of my emotions have left me. I think it’s very difficult for a writer to write anything when they feel emotionless. Especially as a poet, we live for emotions and all the wonderful words that spill out of hearts and minds. I think I’ve shut off a lot of my emotions because it somehow seems easier that way. I’ve also found myself pulling away from people more often. There are a few who I still let in, but for the most part, I don’t really share what’s going on in my life. As I get older, there seems to be so much more drama, and I suppose I’ve been feeling the need to sort of rid myself from all of that. I call it self-preservation, and I know it’s simply necessary at times.

I don’t feel in any way like I am suffering from depression, even though it may look that way to outsiders. I’m actually feeling very content right now, just to be alone and to reevaluate my life. I’ve been homeschooling my girls for 12 years, and even though I love the time I have with them, I still miss my career in Biotechnology more than ever. It’s hard being a mom sometimes. I’m pulled in so many different directions. I’m often not sure which path to take, but I always try to put my girls first in every long-term decision that I make. And yet now that they’re getting older, and my two oldest daughters are married and starting lives of their own, I’m finally taking the time to consider what I want for a change.

I really want to work outside the home again. I honestly miss my 60 hour work weeks because I truly did love my job, and I’d like to find another job that I can enjoy just as much. I’ve recently enrolled back in school, and at 46, I think I’m one of the oldest students in my class. But it matters not, I’m determined to start a second career even at my age. This time around I’m pursuing a degree in digital media and web design. I’ve been saying for years that I wanted to get into web design but didn’t think I could afford the cost of school. After checking into it though, I found out that I qualified for government grants, and I also applied for a scholarship. And between the two, I haven’t had to pay a dime. So now I sit here wondering why I waited so long to take the plunge and I’m practically kicking myself for not doing it sooner.

The good thing is, I’m doing it now, and I’ve got to stop looking back and just keep moving forward. I feel as if time is running out in some respects. It’s almost like there’s this invisible force pushing me along, telling me to hurry up before it’s too late. Sometimes it helps me to get away and quiet myself for a few days, and so I’m currently sitting all alone in a lovely cottage in the woods. It’s absolutely beautiful here, and I’m finding that this is probably the first inspiring day I’ve had in a very long time. The sun is shining through my window, and I’m so thankful to have this time to reflect and hopefully turn the light switch to inspiration back on. I’ve got three more days here to figure out how to do just that and determination is starting to settle in. It’s blessings like these that keep me going. I hope all of you are having a very blessed week as well and I’d like to know, what inspires you? ~M xo


Photo credit:  pixabay.com

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26 thoughts on “What inspires you?

  1. What inspires me is feeling the need to document things that I anticipate will be of importance or meaningful later. It really is a sacrifice to devote yourself to your children & motherhood. The benefits are like none other. Good for you for getting back to fulfilling something like this! Good luck and enjoy your new adventure 💞🤗🌻!

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        1. Seriously though, you should. 😉
          Oh have you? Lol… I haven’t been over yet. Making the rounds bit by bit and writing some in between. So I’ll have to stop over soon and take a look. 🙂

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  2. Like you my inspiration comes from emotions and like you I lost my inspiration. What I found is the more I sumerge myself in everyday life the less inspired I become, the less time I spend in my head. Hope you find your muse 😊

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  3. You sound pretty motivated for life in general (homeschooling, going back to school, looking forward to a new career)…I’m sure you’ll find inspiration. Always good to take a break…alone time with God, reading, walking, listening to the quiet.

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    1. Thank you Lynn… I do feel very motivated, but just in a different way these days. I suppose that’s what’s really surprising me. I guess we all eventually change and my focus is starting to change. Which is something I didn’t see coming at all. So I’m questioning myself, wondering if this is really what I want. I’m going down a path that I never expected and hoping for the best possible outcome.

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      1. Sometimes its hard to figure out what we really want! I also “retired” from homeschooling and am discovering different work in volunteering, caring for grandchildren, and helping husband on the farm. May God bless our new journeys!

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  4. Hi Michelle, it was nice to read about you, and how you’re going, and I’m thinking to myself, wow, this girl has a busy life, no wonder her writing of poems is in “rest” mode… I find when I’m busy with my plumbing, my physical tiredness retards my mental and creative activity. Last week I wrote a lot, this week I’m working quite a bit, and I’ll hardly produce a poem. So my creative activity comes and goes with my tiredness and time availability. …. Now, what inspires me, and now I have to think, I like my words to flow out of me naturally, I’m very inspired by my dreams and my half awake, half asleep subconscious and semiconscious thoughts that I have. I think about my spiritual connection that I have with Carole, and she always inspires me. I’m inspired by the wonders of nature, and how I observe my surroundings, both on the big scale, and on the small everyday things that occur around me. And I’m inspired by my own self determination to become a betterer writer, and I’ve only been doing this for 18 years, ever since I had my Stroke, as a form of re-educating myself, relearning my language, and I’m proud of what I’ve achieved throughout all of my life’s battles, and basically it’s that pride within myself that keeps driving me to write and write, ……… and hopefully my words reach others who have been in my situation, and let them know that they’re not alone, and I’m more than happy to chat and help out …

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    1. I’m like you that way too, I need to be fully rested and with a clear mind to be able to find the words flowing out of me easily. Dreams, nature,and spiritual connections have always inspired me too. Sounds like you’ve been through so much Ivor, and I know you miss Carole so so much. You’re an amazing writer and I always appreciate your comments. They always bring a smile to my face. So thank you for that and for being such a positive influence here on WP. What would any of us here do without you. 😉

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    1. Hmmm… it’s strange isn’t it? I keep hearing this from so many other writers as well. And yes, we just have to keep going. It’ll eventually kick in again, and until then, we can’t give up. 😉

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  5. It’s hard to say what inspires me. Nature is the thing I cling to most. But lately, my dark side (yes, Walt, I know you’re happy lol) has been rearing its pretty head. So does that mean evil also inspires me? Probably. I just go with the flow. Truth is, I’ve been stuck for weeks in WIP, and it’s very frustrating. So I totally get you. Now…enjoy your alone time and get writing!!

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    1. I agree, nature is what I cling to most as well, and with the very long winter we’ve had, I’ve been caged inside. So this week is a welcome change for me. My dark side also inspires me, so I wrote about it earlier today. Sounds like we’re very much kindred spirits. 😉 It must be the time of year as I’ve heard several other writers say they are struggling too. Alright, back to writing! Lol… 😉

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