Rambling…

I finally started seeing a therapist several months ago, and my therapist has tasked me to try and figure out what I want for myself. I never really think about what I want out of life without first thinking about how my desires will impact everyone else around me. And according to my therapist, this seems to be an area that I need to work on. I place others needs before my own a lot of the time, and I mainly do it because I try to protect my friends and family, and do what seems best for them. I also tend to compare myself to other people, and think that if they’re alright with something, that I should be too. And right now, there are a lot of people telling me that I should be okay with the life I have and appreciate what I have. A lot of people think I should disregard the hard to deal with issues in my life, and just accept everything as it is; but should I? That’s another question my therapist wants me to figure out for myself. And according to him, I need to stop listening to other people and make some decisions for myself. The problem is, making decisions is difficult for me. I grew up in a very strict home, being directed and told what to do every day of my life. I wasn’t allowed to make my own decisions. And so when I was finally out on my own for the first time, having to make decisions for myself, I really didn’t know how to do that. I think it’s funny how our growing up experiences affect us so much later on in life. But this is just one example of how our upbringing can really screw us up. I know my parents did the best they could, but I just wish my mother hadn’t been so darn overprotective. Oh well… I’ve made plenty of mothering mistakes myself. Just ask my four girls… I’m sure they have a million stories to tell. I guess we can only try and do our best. We are only human, after all.

12 thoughts on “Rambling…

  1. For me, the whole “growing up” experience continues to impact me daily, at 66. Some things (damage) just can’t be undone–I know all the right things to think/say, about forgiveness and “they did the best they knew how”… Here’s the worst one, speaking only from my own perspective: “Kids are so resilient”. Really??? If resilient means that I’m still alive, I guess so. Blessings to you ❤

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    1. Lol… oh yes, we’ve all heard that one. It’s all a facade really…. I think when it comes to children, there’s this illusion that they’re alright, when in actuality they really aren’t. It’s because they aren’t allowed to question things the way adults are. And 30, 40, 50, 60 years later and beyond… here we are, finally questioning. Many blessings to you as well. 🙂

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      1. You are one special loving, talented, busy, and concerned lady. Life gets rough for everyone. Even the loving, talented, busy, and concerned folks. You’ll land, feet on the ground, head up, with a smile (most of the time). 😀

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