Him vs. Her – A New Chapter

For the last two years now, I have been very unsure about the future of my marriage.  The past sort of caught up with my husband and the present sort of caught up with me.  Needless to say, we were both at fault in different ways.  About four months ago, I had finally gotten to the point where I decided I was tired of trying.  In my mind, I just sort of gave up and decided it was time to figure out plan B.  I started picturing my life without him.  Wondering what I would do apart from him and where I would go.  We still have two children at home, so that was of course another concern of mine.  What would happen to them if we split up, how would we work it all out?  And yet I could never actually see us getting to the point of divorce.  I really couldn’t even fathom the idea of such a drastic decision.

After admitting to my husband that I didn’t think I could continue on the way things were, he in turn seemed to agree.  And yet divorce was the furthest thing from his mind.  His immediate response was to somehow fix what was broken in our marriage and strengthen the parts which looked salvageable.  For four months now, he has been trying very hard to turn things around.  I have to admit, I haven’t made things easy.  I have fought him every bit of the way, by not really believing any of what he’s been saying.  After years of empty promises, I didn’t want to allow myself to be tricked again.

His first response was to begin by writing me poetry; which is something he had never done in his entire life.  I remember reading the words he wrote during those first few months and thinking to myself… “He can’t really mean any of this.”  I thought… “This is just another one of his schemes to make me believe him, but it’s not going to last.” Over the years he would say he would try harder, but there was never any long lasting changes to support his efforts.  It was mostly just cheap talk and I knew I didn’t want to fall for that again.  I was finally ready to move on and I didn’t want to get sucked back into a life of false hopes.

Well it’s been four months now since he’s started blogging.  And I think the turning point for me was when he wrote this… Heart of Sadness.  Since then, I have begun to believe that he is truly being sincere.  He finally seems to understand and acknowledge how I’ve been feeling.  We tell each other everything, but I had often wondered if he was really hearing me.  I wasn’t sure if he understood that I didn’t feel the same kind of love for him anymore.  I wondered if he could live with that fact, or if it would ultimately destroy our marriage.  Yet the more we talked, the more I knew he understood, and he told me very sweetly that he just wanted me to be happy.

I suppose because he isn’t demanding my love, I am slowly finding my way back to him.  We have been making immense progress, and I am finally accepting that he really is changing for the better.  I’m starting to believe him when he tells me he loves me, and I’m hopeful once more that we can make our marriage work.  We will be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary on the 5th of February and I’m excited to get away for a few days and just have some time alone with him.  We’ve literally spent half our lives together now, and both of us know that we can’t just throw all of that away.  I honestly just can’t picture my life without him, and I hope I never can.

So to my husband… aka, SW.  I have hope that we will make it, TTF…… ❤️  Love always, ~Me

 

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19 thoughts on “Him vs. Her – A New Chapter

  1. What sweet and meaningful thoughts, M. I pray that your marriage will last into eternity. My wife and I were right where you were several months ago. We both read the book “Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs at the same time, then discussed what we learned. It not only revived our marriage, it saved it.

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    1. Thank you Steven, I think what’s been helping us the most, is realizing how much we really do need each other. I can’t live without him and he can’t live without me. And so both of us have no other choice but to forgive the other of past wrongs and move forward. And thank God we are realizing this… I cannot even imagine trying to start over at this point in my life, especially when I have someone who obviously wants to try to make things work. I’ve had so many people abandon me in my life, but that’s one thing my husband has never done and I know he never will.

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  2. Just read “Heart of Sadness.” I have been enjoying contact from “A Soldier’s Walk.” I had no idea the writer was your husband. He did tell me one time he made contact because of a dear mutual friend. I can see why the blogging has helped you both. Besides God does have a way to bring new excitement into a marriage. I blogged “Alternate Plans” today. It is a bit about giving God time necessary to bring his will into one’s life

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    1. Well, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to remain anonymous and so I have been trying not to blow his cover. Lol… And yet I just couldn’t hold back any longer. So I asked him if I could “spill the beans.” I read your post today and thought to myself, this is really meant for me to hear. So thank you for posting it. It’s so easy to feel like giving up at times. I had just finished writing this post last night and came across something that made me believe my husband was lying to me again. Fortunately, we figured out what was going on before it ruined things between us. The enemy is doing his best to try and sabotage everything at the moment. I am praying that God’s mercy will prevail and that we will get through whatever the next hurdle is without much trouble.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Oneta, please don’t cry… God is faithful to us and He will get us through this. It’s why I haven’t completely given up hope, because even during the worst of days, God is there lifting me up and whispering softly to me his loving words of encouragement. ❤️

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